Reflecting

By LaGs · Sep 18, 2011 · 414 · 5
  1. Things are looking up in my life it seems as I'm going back to University in February to finish my law degree, and I have a gentlemans agreemant (of sorts) with my employer to work up until Christmas. So chuffed :)

    In a way it was good to dislodge my arse from the lazy seat and get up and do something. Much of the summer was spent lying around and writing, and thinking about life, and about where I was going, and I suppose that had its benefits as well as its downsides. After all, there's only so much you can philosophise about your social awkwardness/quirkiness before you start getting depressed, and actually compounding the annoying traits you see in yourself.

    I was going, and still am (sort of) going through a phase of drinking lots of alcohol and taking drugs and just generally being a bit mad for a while, so that it's easy to lose sight of things. But some mornings I'd be lying in my bed thinking about every possible outcome my activities might precipitate, and I always feel as if I'm in control. When I get dragged into a moral debate with my sister's fiancee about drugs and he tells me I'm going to end up like something out of trainspotting, I feel like gripping him and telling him I know what I'm doing.

    I have this inner confidence that I'll make something of myself, but sometimes I just wish others would feel the sheer force of this self-assurance that lies deep within me, despite the apparent shakiness on the surface.

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  1. Lemex
    I think this is a common thing about guys our age; the feeling that whatever we do does not matter, everything will be alright and we should just be allowed to have our fun. Something good will come of it later.

    I don't exactly share in this myself, though I wish I could, and it takes for me to drink a bit too much and have the hangover remind me I done stupid things the night before to tell me I'm not fully in control some of the time. And that I find rather scary. Times like that, it's easy to be philosophical though, as you cry into a bacon and egg sandwich watching Ninja Warrior or something.
    Lemex, Sep 18, 2011
  2. Jonathan22
    Wow, you just summarised a lot of my summer too, minus the drugs and add more alcohol, haha! And I have the judging non-drinking friend who tells me the error of my ways even about a couple of drinks... God forbid when I have a sneaky cigarette or more than a couple!

    Over thinking is something I'm, too, far too guilty of... however enlightening it can be!
    Jonathan22, Sep 18, 2011
  3. mugen shiyo
    School is cool :) I'm planning to go back soon also, but because I want to teach.

    Law...does that mean you want to be a lawyer? Always figured lawyers must be some of the most knowledgeable people on earth. For every case they have to research every scrap of information and follow every thread to pull out a win. I once sat in a court for traffic tickets and listened to this lawyer defend this old lady for a minor collision in a bridge tunnel and he mined up everything from the play of light on her lenses to the nature of the lighting when you enter the tunnel vs your ride through it (the light is dimmed at the entrance so that you eyes grow accustomed to it) Them and investigators or detectives. There range of knowledge must be impressive.

    Either way, dude, you seem like a cool guy and I used to drink a lot (A LOT!!!) also but I can't remember when my last one was. (and not because of damaged memory or anything :p) Inner confidence is great, but action definitely has to follow. Law is a great thing to reach for and I hope it's what you really want. Else, it can drive you to drink, lol.
    mugen shiyo, Sep 18, 2011
  4. LaGs
    @Lemex - I go through periods of despair as well, so don't worry lol...You should just have a stern conversation with yourself in the mirror telling yourself to lighten up. That wouldn't be weird, would it?

    @Johnathan - Over-thinking things is a curse! I always say to myself, 'if ignorance is bliss, awareness is torture!'

    @Mugen - What age are you, if you dont mind me asking? You seem like an exceptionally smart guy, so I'd be surprised if you're younger than 18 (at least)

    And the thing is, I have absolutely no interest in becoming a lawyer as many areas of it, in general, bore me to death. I just kind of stumbled into the course as I thought the qualities I had in school would transfer well over to it. But, if you've no passion, it renders everything else pointless I suppose. I could end up working in McDonalds, who knows? lol
    LaGs, Sep 19, 2011
  5. Lemex
    Haha. Well. I was talking about being hungover, but I'm bipolar too. So yeah. :p
    Lemex, Sep 20, 2011
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