Henri Le Rennet May 21, 2012

First of all, I loved how the story (or beginning of the story) was not at all what I expected when I read the title. Initially, I thought it would be a typical day at school, where pre-pubescent girls obnoxiously laughed, and adolescent boys grunted like cavemen as they showcased their 'indisputable' strength by taking turns punching each other in the arm. This, however, is a unique spin. I like it. I want to see the rest. Continue, man; for the sake of the audience (me).

Now, my polish consists of SHOWING vs. TELLING. You can take what you want out of it, but I highly recommend considering my critique. I think it will immensely help your story.

I like the above sentence, however you either meant 'encasing' or accidentally put the comma in there. I like the imagery, however expand more on HOW the, 'spirits of the realm of the dead encased the sunken shadowy Autumn sky.' It's showing vs. telling. Maybe describe how the environment looks to the character. Capture Arnold's emotions about the whole situation. You set him up well in the first chapter, but continue that in the second. If you can show the reader what is happening, then you will really draw them in and allow them to formulate their own opinion of Arnold. Make the reader work! Read through again to see where you could SHOW more rather than simply tell.

Other than that, there are a few grammatical corrections that should be made.

^There should be a comma after 'amber.' Otherwise this was an outstanding sentence.

Great work, my man. Keep it up. I loved the suspense when Arnold felt terrified, hearing the voice across the room in the second chapter. Build it up more! Grind it out and dig at the story until you really find/create something special. Where did the inspiration for this come from? What are your plans for continuing, "School is Hard,"? I hope I could be of some assistance. Let me know if I can help further! Dream big, Brian. You've got something special, man. Keep working!