I wrote a short story.
Just for fun.
I don't particularly want critique~ you're welcome to give it if you can't control yourself
Is it worth the time and effort?
I'd say no.
Anyway~~ here goes. Abstract concepts. Intentional deception. Enjoy.
Warning: I've never properly written ANYTHING.
A large enclosed space.
Frantically going about their business.
We're all alone in a large group of people.
Metal carts and plastic baskets.
We're almost out.
I feel like I'm going to be sick.
It's a piercing feeling originating from somewhere in my chest.
My visions blurred.
I feel so ill I haven't even noticed I've broken in to a cold sweat.
Her voice sounded so distant, even though she was standing right beside me.
Muffled sounds, as if something were covering my ears.
The light in the room rapidly faded as if someone had placed their finger on a dimmer switch.
I take a shallow breath of air.
Am I really breathing?
My feet-- no. My entire body feels hot and numb.
Or cold? I don't know.
Somethings definitely wrong.
My stomach sinks in on itself & sickness washes over me like a wave.
I'm going to vomit.
The crushing of my clenched organs is so painful.
I'm not sure if this is real. It doesn't feel real.
Am I still standing?
I don't know if I'm conscious.
I can now feel the sweat pouring down my face, dripping over my eyelids, clinging to my eyelashes.
What little is left of my vision is composed of black & purple dots swarming like insects in front of me.
A very sudden a rush of sickness takes over.
There's ringing in my ears.
The ringing is so loud I can't hear anything.
I can't pass out in a public place like this!
I close my eyes and brace myself on something nearby. A counter? I can't feel my hand on it.
I think my knees are buckling. I know I'm shaking.
Am I cold?
Light peaks through in flashes of little white specs.
It's just enough to get me out of here.
I turn to her general direction and smile.
"I don't feel well,
.....I'm going outside."
I can't hear myself speak the words.
I can't hear a reply.
Or see her reaction.
I don't know how I sounded or if I actually even said it, or anything out loud.
I don't remember moving.
I'm already where I need to be.
Outside in the cold air, away from the people and buzzing florescent lights my senses start to return.
I can feel enough to know that I'm cold and drenched in sweat.
My eyes are closed.
I don't don't know if I'm standing in the way of anyone or what's going on around me.
She'll be inside a while longer so I'll have some time to compose myself.
I open my sweater slowly, with one hand. Button by button.
A short time passes & I start to feel much better.
I open my eyes.
I'm drenched in sweat, standing alone on a cold Winters night, in the dark, with my sweater open and my hat off.
...I don't remember taking off my hat.
But I'm holding it.
"Ready to go?"
I jumped a little.
I said smiling at her.
She handed me 2 large plastic bags filled with food. The sound of the plastic hurt my ears as I grabed the bags.
I looked back at the supermarkets florescent lights as we began to walk home together.
You didn't ask, but I'm fine.
Thanks for asking.
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