September ramblings-Building, learning, and photos.

It`s September...who knew man. This will be mostly just a stream of consciousness ramble of sorts getting some thoughts out there in my lil space here. I`ll make a pillow fort here later. It`s been a bit since i`ve posted anything here or in anywhere for that matter. I went dark to work for the CIA...yeah no. Been watching to much Covert Affairs with that joke. Last thing I put up here I believe was around February. That was an...interesting time.... what would have been my second semester of college had I not dropped out, a relatively fresh new year, my twentieth birthday, a failing job hunt, and the same mental health issues I always deal with had my mindset in a unique place. Fear, guilt, worry, sense of failure, and etc kinda all swirling about. I could deep dive into it but for the most part it was a lot of feeling off course, uncertainty, guilt, and etc from dropping out kinda hitting all at once with becoming a "adult", and feeling defeated from not finding work. My depression and anxiety then had fun with all of that.

Though, what`s been going on since February? A lot of the same some of the different. Around February I had the chance to do some video work for the local symphony. That.....didn`t go great. However in a intriguing twist of fate I got invited to be one of there photographers for this concert season. First "gig" in a week or two at a fundraising dinner. Not paid, but still exciting and it`s wonderful experience. Been having a lot of opportunity like that recently, mostly what the summer was made up of. Helping with a youth program at a local gym, taking photos for non profits, volunteering at a community art center, and etc. It`s been good very fulfilling, I like to get out in the community, and network with people. It`s good emotionally and mentally to get out and do something and my hope is the experience looks good on application to make up for a lack of work experience. That hasn`t been seen. A lot of jobs I thought where good bets...weren`t. As much as I love (and I do) my work in the community I need something that can sustain me and soon.

This summer I also did a lot of thinking, reflecting, and working on my mental health. I`m not gonna delve into all of that here, but it did lead me to a conclusion on what I have to do, or at least want to do. Build and learn. I need to start being proactive and start trying to build up certain aspects of my life. It`s good to find yourself but sometimes you just have to build yourself. I want to start building and learning. By learning I mean taking opportunity to gain more experience, learn spefic things. Learning in`t restricted to a school environment or academic subjects one should always be learning. Learning and building, and I do think I am fortunate to have a lot of good mentor type figures around me.

Ok that`s my overall goal, now let`s fine tune to Sept goals. Laying that foundation, starting mostly. As well as working on photography projects I`ve been putting off. The weekend before labor day was a local festival that I spent the week before labor day helping with. So this past week was "recovery" resting and catching up on side projects and things around the house I let slid. This week I hope to get some balls rolling. Still having some trouble finding my get up and go/motivation. It`s coming though I have things in the works.

Welp that`s my ramble. I`ll meet you again here real soon to rant about the letter S...you`ll see.