Sewer Rats

By Kitskit · Feb 4, 2012 · ·
  1. I'm hoping you guys will be nice and tell me any mistakes I made :)

    I'd be grateful.

    The stench of rotting bodies filled the air as Kathryn squatted behind a dumpster. The two men she was spying on where from president Largons patrol squad. They scoured the area for people out after dark and who were making trouble. Her large hazel eyes speculated whether she could take them or not. Ever since President Benedict Largon had been elected, he had called himself the new liberator of America. Everyone else just called him a dictator.
    Kathryn shifted silently, her thighs hurt from squatting so long. The two men seemed lightly armed one with a wicked looking knife and the other a small pistol. Benedict cared not for arming his soldiers more then he cared for keeping everyone under his thumb. Three weeks into office, Largon made it impossible to impeach him and announced his rule as dictator. Many people where threatened by him and showed it by rioting. They were either shot down or locked up in the Cave. Kathryn's family had been shot down and she had run to friends who were also missing family. They had banded together and now lived outside the law and try to avoid the patrol squad as often as they could. It was Kathryn's job to gather supplies and these men had plenty.
    Several large boxes sat next to them while they walked around and talked. Kathryn slunk forward light on her feet staying in the shadows. Her long brown hair was messily tied up into a bun and her pants covered in dirt. She really did look like a rebel. She had long thin knife with her that allowed her to protect herself when needed. And open boxes.
    She finally reached the behind of the boxes and slit open the tape with her slim knife, inside there was cans of food. Two cans fell out and clunked onto the hard concrete. Kathryn winced at the noise and squatted back down behind the box. "John you hear that?" a whiney voice asked his companion. "Yeah..I did. You think a rebel?" "Naw, probably just a rat." The two men went back to walking around and talking. Kathryn breathed a sigh of relief. She picked up the box the cans had fallen out of and moved it slowly, staying in the shadows. Once clear she booked it with the box back to camp.
    The camp she arrived at was slightly better smelling, downwind from the giant fires where they burned the bodies of loved ones beside a river. She saw Sterling a close friend of her's snoring away under a giant knitted blanket, her other friend Chase was cleaning and sharpening his knife a bit farther away under a large tent covered with brambles and other foliage. She walked towards him the cans in her box clinking. Chase winked at her. "I hear dinner don't you?"
    Kathryn set the box at his feet. "I came across two squad men guarding a couple boxes. This one just happened to have food." "So you took it?" Kathryn shrugged. Chase reached into the box and brought out a couple of well recognized red cans. "Chef Boyardee. I haven’t seen this in forever. We're eating like kings tonight!"

Comments

  1. Samuel
    Wow... personally I cant really find anything wrong with that - it reads smooth with just enough action to tickle the taste-buds.... i cant help but wonder though - are your characters meant to be adults or children....

    I'm sorry that i cant be more helpful - but this makes for some great reading
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