Shhh, It's A Secret

Published by lilix morgan in the blog lilix morgan's blog. Views: 147

Don't you just absolutely hate it when your amazing day goes to hell in less than an hour? Half an hour? Ten minutes? How about ten seconds?

Friday, March 20th, pretty much was that for me. My entire day had been going excellent, perfect, amazing. I'd felt great when I got up, found a nice outfit that looked flattering on me, and everyone liked in school today. My mind didn't dwell on anything remotely negative. I'd even checked my works on here for replies, elated when I found nothing but encouraging comments toward my work.

Everything was great. Everything was fine.

During the last period of the day our class, Choir, had been given a study hall because our teacher was busy preparing for the musical playing that night. I sat in one of the small, cramped practice rooms with two friends of mine, two friends of Mike's, and Mike himself.

Mike is my ex boyfriend whom I still get butterflies over, FYI.

He's been sick, it's obvious. His skin is pale, he coughs heavily, his moves sluggish. Still somehow he finds the energy to flirt with me, just casual contact of the body.

I'd been trying to avoid this, to ease the pain of having lost him three months ago. Failure on my part.

After a highly compromising position he didn't seem to mind, we sat next to each other, leaning slightly on one another. Mike casually drapped an arm over my shoulders, smiled.

Then two of his friends called him over to the piano in the small space. I asked him if he wanted to move, which I already knew he didn't. Still, he asked if I could help him up. I stared, knowing full well he felt sick, and needed to just rest as much as he could. He'd already been through hell in gym the period before.

Before I could object to him moving, he pecks my cheek, gets up, never looks back, and joins his friends.

Stunned wouldn't explain half of what I felt.

I feel stupid, dazed, angry, jumpy, wild, anything to explain the frantic pounding of my heart against my chest.

But I know it was all just a game. He's done this before, a month after we broke up.

Still, it hurts. I don't like being played like that. So now I'm avoiding him like hell, hoping it won't happen again, even if I want it to happen.

-sigh- It's a secret to love him, and an even bigger secret to pretend I don't.
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