Kind of presumptuous to suppose my absence was noticed, but nonetheless, here I am, back from an unplanned, unforced, unexpected leave of absence from most internet activity. Suffice it to say I was presented with an apparent situation that threatened to undermine a lot of my basic assumptions about life and values. Ironically, things worked themselves out in a manner I never expected, in a way that suggests either basic misunderstanding on my part or answered prayer.
In any event, all has seemingly settled back into the old routine. Except . . . .
I came to realize how utterly ungrounded I am and how easily I could be knocked off kilter by life. So I'm on a sort of mission to find that rooting; I say "sort of mission" because I'm trying, in a Taoist way, to find my way to doing by not doing. More simply, what I'm trying to find is the underlying value of myself in the world. For a time that meant almost no writing, instead quiet meditating, including yoga. I re-discovered the dilemma that so fascinated me in my undergraduate university days:
"What caught my eye in the history of nihilism is that Nietchze, Sartre, and others wrote books; a most committed and disciplined use of time. The same drive that led them to experience the experience of nothingness seemed to teach them other values as well -- and without contradiction." Michael Novak, The Experience of Nothingness (Harper Colophon 1979) at viii.
At least as of now, I think I am at that point, that I have managed to find the light that leads through the tunnel; at least until it flickers out.
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