Straight Outta Psych Ward

“Straight Outta Pysch Ward”
By Brian Paul Dunlop


The psych ward was a cold and lonely place. I remember the walls. The deep dark walls that stared back at you in a hollow room of steel and furniture.

Day 1

My back hurts. It’s such an awful place where I am, I hope someone can hear me.

“It’s a rat! A rat! Schew! Schew!” cried out Ms. Willington - the head female security guard.

“A rat?” asked the chubby red-headed boy who’s name I can not remember.

“You’re the rat! Hahaha! Back in the hole with you.”

“But I don’t want to go in the hole…” whimpered the boy, as tears started forming around his bight brown eyes.

“It does what it’s told. Now go in the hole, young scallywag. You know what we do with big penis boys like yourself. Go in the hole with Dr. Adam and Dr. Audrey and you’ll find out.”

Day 2

Crazy. Crazy. I’m crazy. They told me I have psychosis induced by pot.

What the hell? I wish I was dead.

What the fuck is Dr. Adam’s problem - what an uptight asshole. He says because of my penis size that I am less of a man. Who knew about Henry. He didn’t look like the type to be carrying that.


Day 3

Perverseness encountered my mind and enclosed it in a deep humbling feeling. Life is good. These medications are good.

Day 4

After large moments of hallucinations, I realized these pills weren’t for me. Was I crazy? Or just another mental mind trip, losing grip on all reality and life was slowly slipping away.

Day 5

When I watching Monday Night Raw I became so bored that I thought about suicide.

Just the thought that I was too small and weak, dismissed any possibility of ever making it in that business and this made me very sad.

Day 6

While giving Dr. Adam oral sex, I bit off the tip of his penis and spit it in his face. The voices have finally come, doctor. Oh, doctor of mine. Hahahahahaha.

And Dr. Audrey. What happened to your pussy. Oh, I won’t include that in this journal.

Day 7

“I’m a genius, I say! Let me out of here! Let me out of here!”

“Shut up nut job, you bit off somebody’s dick” said the fat security guard, eating a donuts while wiping the sweat off his greasy brow and forehead. “You’re a freak. You’re an absolute freak, do you know that?”

“Well…” I replied, cleverly eyeing the man with such precision that it reputed his attention like a baby fox’s instinct when being chased down by a middle-aged hound on the age of his life - still hunting, still dreaming.

“Well what?” asked the man, rudely.

“Well, I’m pretty sure I can read your future” I said, bashfully.

“I gotta see this” said the fat man, eagerly walking over to my padded cell.

Day 8

I’ve escaped. I escaped! Well after eating the guys liver, I decided to wear his face and clothes and just walk out the front door of the hospital.

What a great day for science it is! What a lovely day. Pip pip. Cheerio.

Day 9

There’s a cottage over the way. It is dark. Lost. Starving. Empty. I think it’s abandoned. I think I should stalk it out in the bush in front of my house and if no one is there. I will make my move!

Day 10

Time to make my move. This is my shot. My new home. It is mine, now.

“Get the fuck out of my house, you fucking crazy ass kid.” said an older man wearing a stained wife beater, with khakis and overalls.

“Wha-……”

Day 11

The Easter Bunny! It’s always been about the Easter Bunny! Why Easter Bunny? Why you try to do me in?

What’s wrong with you Easter Bunny? What is it like you got mental problems or something?

What’s wrong with you Easter Bunny? Easter Bunny? And Santa Claws, he fucked up, too. Mad fucked dude. Like he’s like really fucked up.

So many Christmas’. So many socks and out of style pants under the tree. Fuck you!

And the tooth fairy, that’s the real bitch. That bitch is a fucking cunt, if you ask me. Fucking quarters every time I lost a tooth. She ripped me, hard bodied. That mean, ‘big time.’

And what about my opinions, anyway? I mean I do go to community college, so I’m smart, so get a life. You’re South Park’s definition of a “fag.”

So fuck you, fag. Hahahahahahahahaha

Now, I’ll drink my tea and play my verisnatchit, all night long. No psych ward could hold me.

Yeah, and thrill season be up. And the village is mine….all mine…..

Day 12

Straight Out Tha Psych Ward
Mudda fucka named Disco
I go hard, but bleed raw Crisco
New life, a rave in the mist yo
A new wife, this game make my wrist glow

Day 13

Oh my God….I can rap….

Day 14

**Attention** Crazed White Rapper on rampage in downtown Harlem.

“He look like the devil. Just look in his eyes…it was so scary. The horror…it was terrible. My god. I never saw a white man act the way he did. It made me shake in the core of my bones.”

“Straight Out Tha Psych Ward
Mudda fucka named Disco
I go hard, but bleed raw Crisco
New life, a rave in the mist yo
A new wife, this game make my wrist glow

Straight Out Tha Psych Ward
Mudda fucka named Disco
I go hard, but bleed raw Crisco
New life, a rave in the mist yo
A new wife, this game make my wrist glow

Straight Out Tha Psych Ward
Mudda fucka named Disco
I go hard, but bleed raw Crisco
New life, a rave in the mist yo
A new wife, this game make my wrist glow

Straight Out Tha Psych Ward
Mudda fucka named Disco
I go hard, but bleed raw Crisco
New life, a rave in the mist yo
A new wife, this game make my wrist glow

Straight Out Tha Psych Ward
Mudda fucka named Disco
I go hard, but bleed raw Crisco
New life, a rave in the mist yo
A new wife, this game make my wrist glow

Straight Out Tha Psych Ward
Mudda fucka named Disco
I go hard, but bleed raw Crisco
New life, a rave in the mist yo
A new wife, this game make my wrist glow

Straight Out Tha Psych Ward
Mudda fucka named Disco
I go hard, but bleed raw Crisco
New life, a rave in the mist yo
A new wife, this game make my wrist glow

Straight Out Tha Psych Ward
Mudda fucka named Disco
I go hard, but bleed raw Crisco
New life, a rave in the mist yo
A new wife, this game make my wrist glow-”

Back in the psych ward with my crazy ass.



END.