The moment

By shru · Jun 9, 2012 · 490 · 2
  1. She was standing in the angle of the coupe when he was pushed inside with the pushing crowd. He was in front of her and looking in her eyes. She looked at him. She hated him. He was still looking in her eyes. She looked at him again she liked him. His face was close to hers and he was just looking in her eyes. She moved her head forward. He did it too. They were just kissing when the train stopped. He got off quickly with the pushing crowd.

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  1. maidahl
    "...he was pushed inside with the pushing crowd." I think the pushing idea is redundant, but I'd read the rest of this story. It ends with "the pushing crowd" again. We get it. He gets pushed. You have a nice lead-in to the kiss, but why are they kissing? Why does she hate him? Why does she like him? I know it's short, but neither character has a personality yet.
    maidahl, Jun 10, 2012
  2. shru
    Sometimes time between the consequitive moment does the trick.
    I have not given them personaliity because I want reader to creat it. If they are frequent subway rider as me, they can put themselves also and enjoy the moment.
    Well, should they meet or not, again? Thats what I am debating with my self. Then for sure, I have to assign the personalities to them.
    shru, Jun 20, 2012
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