The Siege

By Cogito · Nov 16, 2009 · 1.1K · 7
Categories:
  1. This is a poem I entered quite some time ago, and then lost track of. It's a double tetractys, and I used the descending count (10 4 3 2 1) followed by the ascending one (1 2 3 4 10) to suggest the ebb between two wave surges.

    The Siege

    The surf explodes upon black rugged rocks
    a roaring beast
    dashed against
    fortress
    crag.
    Pause.
    Hissing,
    foam retreats
    back to the sea,
    marshalling rage to launch the next assault.
    Categories:

Comments

Sort Comments:

Sort Comments By

  1. RanaElaseim17
    I really like your word choice to follow the double tetractys form, it's a very seldom found art nowadays and you have done a great job with it. I didn't catch the use until I read your writer comment, and I think the reason is that the climax comes in the middle of the poem. I love the concept of the ebbing waves. Perhaps experiment with the counts reversed? Using the two ten-counts in the middle of the poem. I think you have a good hold on this particular style and mixing it up will open great doors for you. Lovely done, keep writing! :-D
    RanaElaseim17, Nov 16, 2009
  2. mijaba
    I'm very impressed. I wouldn't change a thing. I like the metaphores beast/ocean war/tide. Clever and cogent.
    mijaba, Feb 7, 2011
  3. Patrick94
    Wow. That was amazing. The image it created in my mind was so vivid it hurt. Keep this up man :) Just as a matter of interest, how long did it take?
    Patrick94, May 27, 2011
  4. Cogito
    Thank you.

    I think, all told, it was finished in a couple hours. Once I had the idea for the metaphor, the actual wording was cake.

    It was a couple years ago. Usually I force myself to sit on anything I write for a while, in case improvements occur to me, but I don't think I did for this one.
    Cogito, May 27, 2011
  5. Patrick94
    Is 'fortress crag' another metaphor, or is it meant to depict a castle etc.?
    Patrick94, May 29, 2011
  6. Radrook
    The Siege

    The surf explodes upon black rugged rocks
    a roaring beast
    dashed against
    fortress
    crag.
    Pause.
    Hissing,
    foam retreats
    back to the sea,
    marshalling rage to launch the next assault.




    Nice poem!

    I would have used the more specific "jagged rocks" however.
    Radrook, Jul 25, 2011
  7. Human Nature
    This is good,
    Hiku?


    ...I like it alot but something made me read back over twice, why the pause?
    ...surely the surf/sea/beast/rage should roll or 'rolls' <-- thats my substitute word suggestion, unless there was a reason for pause I dont get ?
    :-D
    Human Nature, May 31, 2012
To make a comment simply sign up and become a member!
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Accept Learn More...
    Dismiss Notice