Every morning we wake up new people. This morning, I decided to blend all my different coffees and grind them up to make a medium dark blend pour-over. Letting the grind bloom with a little bit of hot water and a few seconds to get that nice smell in the air. The taste was meh. I'll stick to the Yirgacheffe and the Costa Rican from now on.
Started coughing again, so I took some Delsym, which tastes more like someone flavored mucus with baby aspirin. Took two Benadryl on top of it, to breathe.
At about 2 PM, I'm wondering how feasible it is to drink alcohol on top of all of that. I decide against it and take a Flexeril instead. Every now and then, I take a Tums to manage the heartburn. Round out my late lunch with an Abilify.
Most people who read this are probably either in awe, shaking their head, don't give a fuck or terribly worried. Think that covered most everyone... But the truth of it is. We're afraid.
We're afraid of vaccinations, medications, red meat, our chakras out of alignment...etc. Or let me be real. We're afraid of cancer. That's all anyone talks about is cancer. But we can control that, just like we do global warming. Pay a carbon tax, take some essential oils, rub crystals on our sphincters, do a deep toxin cleanse, sort our recyclables into separate bins and fucking die in the end anyway.
I'm afraid of a lot. I don't have common phobias. I'm not scared of heights, I don't mind spiders or snakes. I can swim well and I'm on good terms with the Ocean and deep water. I don't find clowns funny or scary. I'm not even that terrified of death. But I do have a lot of fear.
I'm afraid of being too terrified to live. I suffer from it daily and it's its own cruel joke. I'm not terrified of cancer or overdoses. I'm terrified of you. Any of you. All of you. If you're reading this, I mean you too. I'm terrified of failing in public view, of ridicule, of being found to have no real worth.
That's why I don't fear death so much. All that, is just the final curtain. But until then I need my poisons, I need my apothecary, pharmacists and alchemy. Not necessarily because they help, but because I get routinely tricked into thinking they do and even that is worth the risk to me.
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