This is a part of my fantasy novel that im writting, please inlighten me about what i can do better.

Published by Scorpig in the blog Scorpig's blog. Views: 129

Flickering between consciousnesses, Awuduwin could see rubble and ice being held above him in place.
When he finally felt he as if he regained a bit of strength he crawled out from under the rubble glacier with bloody hands and an aching head.
He pulled himself up to see the town on fire and people running away from knights with light emerging from within the armor, swinging their swords towards anyone who tried to get near…or far.
The fires were massive and if not for the dark sky, Awuduwin would have confused it for the middle of the day.
Horrid by the spectacle, Awuduwin looked back to see his sword stuck in the ice but not so far out of reach.
With no hesitation Awuduwin pointed his hand towards the ice and yelled.
"Ur Nack!".
A stream of fire shot from his hand carveing a way to the hilt of the sword.
Not too long after, he managed to grab hold of it and pray it out of the ice alongside the leather scabbard.
He ran as fast as he could towards any scream that arise… but they disappeared as fast as they were heard.
The town looked nothing like it did before, was it truly in this state of ruin, or was it just Awuduwin's disarray?
None the less he felt a strong attraction towards the entrance of the city, a strong mana presence was there.
As much as he wanted to help those who he could hear, he knew it was pointless, and as if just to mock his frustration, pleads for help were heard across every street and every ally which was not filled the body's of his friends and loved ones.
What was expecting him in the entrance or as he will soon find out…who.
From the bagging of the street he could see the gate was closed.
"How did the knights get inside?".
The thought surfaced to his mind, but was quickly interrupted by a group of three knights walking towards him.
Almost every negative emotion was felt that moment, sadness, disgust, insecurity but most dominantly rage.
Something felt wrong inside him…and inside the knight as he found himself face to helmet, the sword pierced the knight's armor with little to no difficulty but he kept moving as if nothing happened.
Awuduwin was taken back from that, but not enough to stop his anger.
Although he trained with the sword and magic he could not stand up to skilled opponents.
With pure resentment as his main motive he could barely think of what to do next when suddenly the knight broke like a fragile vase, leaving Awuduwin in the air with the two other knights ready to attack.
That’s when Serena ran outside of one of the houses carrying a makeshift spear stabbing the two knights in a single motion.
Awuduwin struggled to get back on his feet after he hit the ground hard on his knees.
"Need help you ugly bastard?"
Asked Serena in a chuckle.
Everyone around them was dying and she made a joke, as much as Awuduwin wanted to scream and hit her for that…he found it comforting more than anything.
Together they ran to the gate to see what was behind this.
When they reached the gate, Awuduwin blew it up since there was no time to waste in opening it the normal way.
They heard a rumble and the ground started shaking as the giant stone figures on the wall came to life and started marching slowly towards two men in what was once a lush field.
The amount of magic casted by the two was massive compared to anything Awuduwin had ever experienced.
Unlike the bright knights in the town, the giant figures paid no attention to them as they ran near them.
"We should have never given you the title of mage!"
Awuduwin heard from one of the two men.
"An insignificant wizard such as you couldn’t compare to the others!"
Now closer, Awuduwin could distinguish between the two.
One was Rainerd and the other was a young elf with short blond hair.
"If I'm so weak than why are you having problems killing me?"
Rained yelled back at the elf.
Awuduwin rushed towards Rainerd and Serena was left behind with a scared impression on her face…she knew who he was, and as much as she likes and respects Rainerd, even she knows not to get close for it will only be in vain.
"Rainerd!"
Screamed Awuduwin as hard as his breathless lounges could allow him.
It was enough to capture Rainerd's attention…as well as the elf's.
For a moment all the magic stopped between the two, leaving only Awuduwin's bare footsteps on dead grass heard through the field.
"A spawned demon…I knew you couldn’t possibly do it on your own".
The elf said to Rainerd, but what was supposed to be a yell came out as a whisper.
Awuduwin drew his sword, now when he is by Rainerd's side they can't lose.
"How a failure of a wizard like you captured a spawned demon!?"
Yelled the elf, with his shock substituted for frustration.
Awuduwin wanted to deny the outrageous claim, but that elf doesn't even deserve the bother to do so.
No one talked... they all stood silently, the elf looking at Awuduwin, Awuduwin looking at Rainerd and Rainerd looking at the elf.
The giant footsteps of the stone figures was slowly approaching.
"With them on our side we can't lose".
Thought awuduwin, but jest as he thought that, he heard a voice from the center of his head.
"He is too strong, even with a hundred stone golems we won't be able to beat him".
It was Rainerd's voice!
"There is a small plateau on your left and over the cliff, in the middle there is a pound, jump into it".
Before Awuduwin could reject the offer he was pushed by Rainerd's shoulder and had to run just to keep steady.
He looked back to see Rainerd blinding the elf with a beam of light from his mouth, that’s when he noticed it…his hands were shriveled and broken.
The same feeling of helplessness washed over him like back at the town.
He kept running, stumbling and falling all over from his blood loss, but he saw the end of the cliff just a few steps away, and beneath surely enough a pound.
But one thing that was not mentioned was the sheer drop from this plateau to the next, taller than the wall of the city and far more intimidating.
But he had faith in his father, and so he put one leg in front of the other and fell.

End of chapter seven
You need to be logged in to comment