I feel really humiliated right now. Like a sense of my pride was taken and I don't have a lot of pride, considering the "decadent" life I live. I am currently working with case workers right now to get my SSI and independent living services going through. But all of that takes time.
So I decided I would go to this Writer's Group event, its every last Sunday of the month. Real great group. At first I felt awkward because it was a well established group everybody knew everybody. Anyway after the group meeting, you know the director says they go to dinner afterward. Well I agreed to go, knowing I had a 1.80 in my pocket, because I well wanted to know the group.
They were so well established with each other. Knew each other's writing styles. But great people very welcoming.
I ordered just a fountain drink. I don't drink soda often, but I figured it be cheap knowing other cheap restaurants I am dragged to from time to time. Well nope. When we received our checks my Sprite was 3.13, that's 3 dollars and 13 cents.
Well I had to ask the people of the group for change because I could not even afford a soda drink. I feel really humiliated and mortified. I don't like being the poor person. I don't like asking people for money. And now I am dreading going back. Because I am the guy who cannot pay for himself, who rarely has money. That's my legacy now for that group.
I am pretty sure they are all talking behind my back right now. About why did a moneyless bum come to our group. Why did he inconvenience our time. None of them batted an eye at their 13, 14 dollar meals that I had to sit and watch them eat while I had a Sprite. I wish now I had ordered an alcoholic beverage. Ugh. I just.
I can't go back.
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