What happened when I forced myself to write something today.

Published by Chudz in the blog Chudz's blog. Views: 89

(Prologue: Struggles to write something)

Well, you can stop struggling now, can't you?


I mean, you did just write something. Didn't you?

“Um, yah. I guess so.”

So the struggle is over! Long live the revolution!

“Just who the hell are you?!?”

Quite obviously, I'm a voice in your head.

“In my head?”

Well, if I was a voice in someone else's head, just how the heck would you be hearing me?

“ESP, I suppose.”

Are you telling me you're psychic?

“No, not that I know of at least.”

And thus, ipso facto, I am a voice in your head, and only in your head.

“Ipso whato?”

I don't even have a head, and I think I'm starting to get a headache.

“That makes two of us.”

Now you're trying to tell me that you don't have a head?

“Of course I have a head-”

And trust me when I say it's cramped in here, with an annoying tendency to echo. . . .

“Ya know . . . for a voice in my head, you sure are a pain in the ass.”

To be honest, there really isn't much else to do when you're a voice in someone's head. I find that liberal amounts of sarcasm helps pass the time.

“You wanna know what else helps pass the time?”

Going to the local art museum where we can have in-depth discussions about modern art and what it portends for society as a whole?

“Actually, I was thinking of having a few drinks.”

Well, that might not be such a bad idea after all. A nice bottle of wine and conversation by the fire.

“Sure, sure. I'll drive us to the liquor store if you don't mind.”

That's a good idea, seeing as I can't quite reach the peddles, the radio, or the steering wheel for that matter.

(Thirty minutes later at the liquor store)

I believe that sign denotes that the “fine wines” are off to the left. . . . Why exactly are you heading to the right?

“Oh, you'll see.”

Hmm, I've never seen wine in a two-gallon jug before. . . . Is that wine in a box? Wait, what are you picking out?

“It's called, Cisco, and you're gonna love it.”

In that case, maybe we should get two bottles.

“Now that's the first sensible thing you've said all night.”

(Epilogue: One and a half bottles of Cisco wine are more than enough to get back at a sarcastic voice in your head. However, their consumption may also “get back” at other things like your esophagus, stomach lining, intestines, liver, newly painted drywall, and the finish on your expensive wood flooring.)
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