When the going gets tough...the tough go blogging
It has been a long time since I last blogged. Apparently, I only blog when I am in some sort of crisis or deep depression. I have had a lot of both in recent months. Lost my job, was pawed at my a creep at the theater, fell flat on my face (scar is coming along nicely). I am not crying every day like I was. But...I almost wonder if that was better. I was at least feeling something. I am existing these days, but it doesn't always feel like living. I can't sleep at night...can't wake up during the day. I try to find reasons to get up and out and do stuff. I feel...inertia. Like I am stuck and just can't get going without some outside force giving me a reason to get up...eat something. How sad is it that eating has become a nearly unbearable chore? If I could do nothing but sleep I would be happy. When I am asleep...I don't have to be me...poor...without purpose. Even the dreams of the end times are preferable...at least I can wake up when things get too bad. Problem is...I sleep to make the day go by faster...spend less time alone...but now I can't sleep at night. So I am alone anyway. My husband is blissfully snoring in the other room. I am wide awake unable to turn off my brain...but also unable to channel it to anything productive. Maybe I just need a good cry.
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