Whose thoughts?

The past few months I've been listening to a man called Jordan Peterson about a plethora of subjects, it developed into a YouTube rabbit hole binge watching spree daily as he would always seem to be in my feed. Browsing the comments I would see cries of gratitude over how Peterson had changed their lives. One after the other they seemed to be born again.

So why am I not in the group of people that gets motivated to change my life when I watch and read Petersons work, or anyones work for that matter? Why am I just as apathetic after as I was before? Destiny? Am I not supposed to move yet? Am I "lazy", and if so what makes me lazy and apathetic? What I ( IT) discovered is that no one can truly claim ownership over greatness, you did not make yourself who you are, you simply are what you are. It's in ones nature to be what they were meant to be. I'm disconnected enough from the great deeds of my life to know this now. Free will is an illusion, even as I write this I have no real agency. I don't choose which words come to mind or what emotions dictate if I delete a sentence or add another. We are adrift with very little, if any agency over what we do. So well is the system designed (Or so horribly) that we cannot truly prove or disprove free will. Our belief is determined by things outside our control once again, like how "we" feel about the subject. Why do I feel a certain way about one thing and another way about another? Why does history interest me and bore you? Pre determined interests influenced by the actions and teachings(Programming) of people who themselves have no agency over how they feel or act..and so on and so forth and back to the start.

In closing I would like to simply allow whatever comes to mind to be written upon this canvas, and as I really have no say over the matter because I is an illusion, here it is. Actually, what is I? If what I proposed is true it would suggest that the I is literally...an EYE, an observer. Does this observer truly have no control over what happens? Of course not, instead my argument should be that the observer CAN have agency over its actions but biology is it's master and it rules supreme with an iron fist. It would take tremendous mental fortitude to break free of its rule and live "free". But then the question remains, what is I? Where do the interests and the narrative come from. Can we truly claim ownership over random connections and sparks of the brain? I don't believe I can. I have no agency in this department, language is being thrust forth into my "vision" to place down to describe the train of thought my brain has been on for the last little while. I certainly didn't choose to be interested in the question that arose to myself that led me to start writing this bizarre, definitely pretentious piece of shit. I lost my place, or did whatever it is try to sabotage me because I was close to the truth......paranoia?