Why am i different!!!

By Leaka · Jan 24, 2009 · 536 · 8
  1. I feel there is a double standard going on. I feel like I am the different person and that no one likes me.
    That no one wants anything to do with me. I ask them if they would like to help me out or like to play something with me. They are to "busy", but they go around to other people's stuff and they aren't to busy.
    How does that work?
    That is a double standard that I don't get, I don't like. It makes me angry, frustrated, and it makes me mad at the people who were to "busy" and to the people who get the special treatment.
    And it really does feel like those people have special treatment.
    Like those people they will make time for, but for me they could care less.
    I don't like being excluded.
    I don't like being the punching bag or every one liner of everyone's joke. I don't like being the one everyone is hush hush about.
    They probably are telling each other cruel whispers about me at this very moment in time.
    Why am I so different?
    What makes me not liked?
    What makes me the joke?
    What makes me the punching bag?
    Why does everyone hate me?
    I have only tried my best to make the other happy. And when I tried to give back. Because I feel I owe them something they lie straight to my face.
    I don't want to be lied to.
    Just tell it to my face.
    TELL ME NOW THAT YOU HATE ME!
    TELL ME NOW THAT YOU DON'T LIKE ANYTHING I DO!
    TELL ME NOW THAT I AM NOT AS SPECIAL AS ANYONE IS AROUND!
    TELL ME NOW THAT YOU LIKE USING ME AS YOUR JOKE!
    JUST TELL ME NOW!!!!!!!
    I am so tired of this.
    Even on the internet I have no one. In real life I just have my family, but I'm not good at explaining myself And so they get mad at me.
    At school I can't connect with anyone because I'm not a "goth", "emo", "gangster". Because I have decided not to be a fad. On the internet people misunderstand what I say.
    They don't even ask me what I mean by it. They just assume. They just assume that I am this cruel and wicked person.
    And then I am the one to get in the worse trouble.
    I want to be told that you don't like me.
    I want to be told NOW!

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  1. fantasywriter
    I like you, Leaka! :)
    fantasywriter, Jan 24, 2009
  2. zorell
    And I am sorry if you've misunderstood any of my actions or comments, but trust me, I have nothing against you:redface:

    I would have explained why if I did.
    zorell, Jan 24, 2009
  3. Forgetmenot77
    I like you Leaka you say what is on your mind and you are open. Don't take this the wrong way but God loves you very much and I know he knows your heart. I just came from work and found out that someone whom I trusted talks about me to my supervisor and I know that she does but she complains about me and probably everybody else. I don't know who to believe or trust I have no parents, no real foundation so I only trust is the Lord because he is the only one I really trust. He is a true friend when no one else will be...that's the way I see it.
    Forgetmenot77, Jan 24, 2009
  4. marina
    You know, you're not as different as a lot of us. You're just more talkative about it. Just shut up and breathe and live and eat vegetables and drink lots of water. Stop talking blah, blah, blah about how everybody hates you. It's almost like you want them to. What's up w/that?
    marina, Jan 24, 2009
  5. Mcarpenter
    I felt this way a lot when I was 13. That was such an emotional time for me. Wow. I can still relate to what you're saying, though my life has changed a lot in the last...doing the math...17 years.
    Looking back though, these times still emerge once in a while and I can often link them to sleep deprivation. In me, at least, it seems to cause mild paranoia, short temper, short sightedness, I could go on and on. I'm sure you're different, but consider if maybe you need more sleep? And remember, it will pass. This has to be the most complicated time of your life (except after you graduate, you'll probably go through another crises of another sort).
    ;)
    Mcarpenter, Jan 25, 2009
  6. WhiteRider
    I can feel how you feel even if I don't get this that bad. I'm home schooled so I don't get out much to see other people, I had my family but I wanted friends too so I started getting online to find some. Well I found this one girl and for about four months we were BFF! I mean like really tight. But she changed, she broke my heart and started pushing me away. I was depressed for months after wards and though we still talk the contection that was there is really weak now. It's hard now to trust other people now. But just remember God loves you and has a plan for all of us! Hope you feel better soon!
    WhiteRider, Jan 25, 2009
  7. Shadow Dragon
    No one hates you Leaka. Those that said they were busy, were just politely declining while not trying to hurt your feelings.
    Shadow Dragon, Jan 25, 2009
  8. Kitbug
    Because if you were like everyone else you'd be boring. :D

    I know being different is hard, almost no one I know has any idea just how different I am because I can hide it. But that's not always great. Sometimes I feel especially lonely because people think they know me and I'll be standing there watching them act like they know who I am, and all I can think is, "You have NO idea."

    If people don't like you for being different that's there problem. That's what you have to remember. The people who really do like you and are your friends will love you even more for the fact you're different--being like everyone else is B-O-R-I-N-G. =P
    Kitbug, Jan 26, 2009
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