Word Fetish: Struggles of a Writer

I have realized I have made the mistake of "to" and "too" a lot on this site. I am not trying to make an excuse. But I have always had a bit of a struggle in my writing. But I live and breath, eat writing. Without writing I'd die. It's what keeps me alive and what keeps me breathing. It's this fire in my soul.

I have been diagnosed before with autism. And autism and schizophrenia run rampant in my families genetics. I have had a bit of a word fetish for a while. And not just as in I like to write word fetish. There will be words that I hate to use and words that I like to use.

Noticeably is:

To and Too

I don't know how to explain it. But I hate too. I don't like the double O

If I had choose between:

Gross and Nasty

I would choose Gross because I like the way the double S sit together. And Nasty doesn't have the right er connection like Gross.

It's hard to explain. But I got this word thing. Where certain words do not look good, imo. If it were up to me there wouldn't even be to and too. Just "to" and it would mean the same thing as both words.

It's hard to explain my word fixations. I have mild Synthesia so the words I choose are also based on an emotion and feel. Colors and personalities.

That makes no sense. Now I am rambling and trying to explain something that I myself cannot explain fully. Just there are words I like and words I don't. And it really messes up my writing sometimes cause I'm always a little weird in the head.

I guess I'm crazy or something.