You know who you are:

By Jarren Dunn · Sep 7, 2012 · ·
Categories:
  1. You're a little boy
    Always taking things too far
    Feels like a no one
    But acts like he's a star

    What will you do
    When loneliness sinks in
    Can you except
    The bottle is your only friend








    Its a short one. Could use some work I think, but for a table scrap beginning of a song, I'm proud of it. I was going to write more, but I can't seem to find words to keep the emotion flowing well.
    Lemme know what ya think!
    Categories:

Comments

  1. Trilby
    You're right to be proud of it.

    Love the first verse.
  2. Mckk
    'feels like a no one' doesn't make sense - better "feels like nobody"

    And you mean "can you accept" - not "except".

    Otherwise, sounds good :)
  3. Jarren Dunn
    Thanks! Haha my grammar isn't the best at times. I need to find a different word for 'nobody' though. Too many syllables.
  4. Jarren Dunn
    Thank you very much :)
  5. Trilby
    No-one is a term that I am familiar with - so it sounds okay to me.

    Poetic licence - imo it's fine.
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