Deborah Eckhardt

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Last Activity:
Jan 13, 2021 at 5:43 AM
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Wednesday
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Gender:
Female
Birthday:
Oct 11, 1986 (Age: 34)
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Location:
Olive Branch, Mississippi
Occupation:
Student 'At Home During Covid'

Deborah Eckhardt

New Member, Female, 34, from Olive Branch, Mississippi

I have been diagnosed, OCD, ADD, and ASD most logically. Dogs are worthless, plus I got one we own, Damnit! Repetitive Behavior -Stereotyped Jan 13, 2021 at 4:53 AM

Deborah Eckhardt was last seen:
Jan 13, 2021 at 5:43 AM
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  • About

    Gender:
    Female
    Birthday:
    Oct 11, 1986 (Age: 34)
    Home Page:
    https://twitter.com/AnnimusDebby
    Location:
    Olive Branch, Mississippi
    Occupation:
    Student 'At Home During Covid'
    Primary Genre:
    Autobiography
    Read: https://annimusprime.livejournal.com

    Profile -Adult Autistic 43 Woman No Job, No Purpose, Existing`
    Autistic Meltdowns 'Extreme Manic Screaming 'feelings of being
    out of control often without rational or explanation' Survival mode,
    I enter just before this emotional loud verbal attack, 'don't intend to
    be aggressive, but that's why I was defined by this ugly label. Hrs
    before that, I am self talking, yelling out to relieve intrusive anxiety
    inner personal attacks. Its like I were being bullied -harassed- ridiculed-
    and abused at the same time over and over again - every other day.
    Screaming because it becomes too much, overwhelming- screaming
    insanely 'manic depressed' 'developed fearful insecurity' leading to another inter personal attack of 'survival mode' -convulsions and hyperventilating.
    Did you know, these ;meltdowns along can last for at least forty-five minutes without a cut or spear in the moment 'meaning lacking of remission to let go of a person, rather than keep rehashing the attack in
    any aggressive form, even if that attack 'physically' about my behavioral response is outward -more serious when it is taken out on other people, who suddenly can get injured in my wake. I've grabbed and chocked children at fourteen yrs of age, kicked viciously and without remorse, age 22 yrs, angrily raging at a poor family dog, that had to be taken away costing me to never see my Grandmother again for a decade until the dog passed away.
    The unpredictable one became me, nearly incapable of admitting to being so violent in certain cases- eventually leading to me being admitted 'sent by parents' to a psychiatric facility hospital that is conveniently down the street from where we live. I spent two weeks in extreme bootcamp-like counselling and re-raising. Mom forcefully without question 'anguished' with fright via crisis 'domestic assault' committed at her besides verbal- immediately sent me there to this place for correctional treatment and rehabilitation. I was 23 yrs of age the moment things escalated that fast, as my head spin.
    I am age 34 yrs, and I won't forget, because that was how I'd become subconsciously and socially traumatized. For how they'd were raised, compared to how people raise their children in this era, my parents are actually considered strict upon how I was brought up. Nothing negative to my mental/physical development was held back like my parents consider how I'd been last treated, before I reeled into my twenties.
    Other than that existing evidential issue while I grew, I was sheltered, after the dog was rousting the house, no other visitors or interaction was allowed upon me to continue 'my later teen years' closer to when I discontinued making one on one friends ever again.
    I ended up closing up, becoming a hermit, rottening in the house, doing chores, became more prominent when I left the first two-year college 'entering my twenties'. A house maid, at best, without interest in any less than barely painting for a class that lasted three years 'on Wednesdays'. Thank of it like this, quarantined for ten years, and you can't exactly except without your parents knowing what you're doing and where you are at every moment you breathe. In other words, I lack the ability and security of what it's like to have independence, even through once I was asked about it. I don't really have a free voice, as what my parents say, goes- I don't won't to face the threat of being stuck in that institution again, if I refuse to follow rules. The conflict thought of this occasionally causes anger and rage at them, because deep down they could eventually trust how I communicate civilly to others without getting mad, not thinking of their feelings, but I can't undo or erase 'eradicate' my personality' the human that I turned out to be! Change?! I have tried, but some things are nearly impossible, creating contradictory anxiety or 'I shut down 'failed to try verbally exchange a back and forth conversing etiquette' with another outsider, person 'stranger or friend' who isn't one of my parents.
    This is my case, and I hate it 'sometimes wishing for a cure for autism in some form, just like the current vaccine. My mind could be reprogramed and I would act 'fit in and contribute finally with the high expectations of society'.
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