I can't say which is more correct grammatically but I think I would break it up a bit more. Having it gently broken up by commas makes it seem...
Definitely just the one.
IMO it is really important your character isn't perfect, after all, nobody likes a goody two shoes. This doesn't mean they can't have...
Only a week and a half until I finish teaching for the Summer, go on holiday to Sardinia and have just had a small pay rise. Hat trick!
Um, hello - Bridget Jones? Only one of the top rated chick lits of all time! If it makes it sound more original this can only be good, surely?
"ruffles?" "tousled" is the end result of a bit of ruffling if you want to be pernickety.
It's a bit difficult to be totally objective about this I think. I've just put a similar query on a critique for a children's story. Personally...
At the moment Pernickety/Persnickety I just like the rhythm of it, it almost feels like you are tutting...
Separate names with a comma.