Poof! You no longer feel nervous. Unfortunately, that's because you don't feel any emotions, having become a robot. Said robot has the task of flipping burgers for all eternity... I wish that superheroes actually existed, with superpowers and all.
Superheros exist! And you find yourself in a building that just happens to be in the path of two Superman classed powerhouses, and it comes crashing down on your head. There isn't enough of you left to put in a grave. I wish I had a pet penguin.
Bam! You got a pet penguin, whose unfortunately strapped with a nuclear bomb that's going to go off in three seconds! I wish that radiation gave superpowers like it does in comic books, instead of killing people.
BAZINGA! The Residents of Japan, The Ukraine, and Manhattan (along with a handful of French Polynesians and Everyone from Roswell NM) now rule the world due to high concentrations of radiation in their home regions. You, on the other hand, have only developed a mild ability to smell better when sweaty due to the small amount of radiation leaked from the local nuclear plant. I wish that I liked tomatoes!
Tomatoes become more tolerable, but unfortunately, the genetic modification necessary has given you severe schizophrenia. I wish that the United States was invaded by martians wielding nuclear powered energy weapons.
Poof! The downside to that is.. there's now martians wielding nuclear powered energy weapons in United States and one of them is aiming for you! I wish aliens would be nice and give us warp technology.
(I was truly lacking creativity with that wish ) Granted! Unfortunately, this gift ended up attracting humans to the other end of the galaxy a little too frequently. I wish that that everyone had the ability to spontaneously generate whatever food they wished whenever they wished at no cost to anyone or anything in material or energy terms.
Shaky shaky slam! You can now work from home, but that's because your city is an apocalyptic wasteland where it's too dangerous to leave your room. I wish that I would rule the world for 1,000 years.
Ba-BOOSH! I have teleported you to the Pre-Cambrian era, where you now rule the world (as you are the only human around and no one contests your rule.) Enjoy the next thousand years! I wish my other thread was more popular.
SHABAM! Your other thread is so popular that it is the only thread that anyone ever visits here or anywhere on the internet. All The internet becomes is pages and pages of you other log. I wish the world had cartoon physics.
Boom! The world now has cartoon physics. Unfortunately, the lack of cartoon durability means you die the first time gravity acts cartoony. I wish the world transformed into the one envisioned by John Lennon in, "Imagine."
Meka Leka Hi Meka Hiney Ho! Meka Leka Hi Meka Chany Ho! There is peace, love, weed, and in the kitchen are the hits of window pane. How lucky for you to now be married to Yoko Ono. You can listen to her music live. Every night. Forever. And ever. Seriously. Every. Single. Night. I wish mosquito bites made you high instead of itchy.
Poof! There seems to be an increase in chilled happy people in mosquito heavy areas. Unfortunately chilled happy scientists, in a nuclear weapons facility in India, manage to accidentally launch a nuke at Pakistan, triggering devastating nuclear war. I wish that spiders were my own personal army of spies.
Spiders have become your own personal army of spies. Unfortunately they have turned on you and betrayed all your secrets to the flies. I wish that I had a purple unicorn.
SHABAM! In a swirl of violet smoke, a majestic purple unicorn struts right up to you......and impales you on its glorious horn for not being a fair maiden. I wish mountain Dew was as good for you as water.
Poof! Mountain dew is indeed good as water... that flowed through a polluting factory. I wish it rained healthy food, in boxes and attached with parachutes to avoid destruction from the fall, so that no one would ever starve.
Dun dun dun duuuuuuun!!!! Glorious healthy food rains down from the heavens feeding everyone and everything. Unfortunately, the financial market just crashed from lack jobs and sales because of the surplus of food. I wish my internet and cellphone service was free.
Both become such, as you now live in a glorious land where both are free. Just don't mind the censorship, automatic cellphone taps by the one giving them out, and your emails being checked. I wish that humans all became immune STDs of every single type, without negative physical drawbacks from this change.
Poof, there are no negative physical drawbacks from immunity so there's no need for condoms, skyrocketing the world's population growth. The world is now destroyed from over population. I wish I had a device that would instantly tell me where lost things were.
Shaky shaky SHAM! You can indeed know where lost things are... of other people. Your own lost things are as impossible to find as ever. I wish that I gained the ability to fly with all the necessary secondary powers to handle said flight.
Poof you are able to fly through the air. The government captures you and probes you with sharp objects. They let you fly around but only in a contained facility. I wish I could be a vampire
Blam! You're now a vampire, but a Dutchman called Abraham van Helsing pays you a visit with a wooden gift through your heart. I wish I was an adventurer/archeologist like Indiana Jones.
Your wish is indeed granted, except then reality intervenes when your first adventure begins. You die, killed by odds that Indiana Jones dealt with so well by breaking Laws of Physics. I wish I could sing better without any negative health effects or similar trade offs occurring.
Veni Vedi Vici! You sing like an angel. Unfortunately, your wish-granting genie is rather exasperated by your attempts to circumvent the balance of power. Now, you can only sing. You can't speak or whisper or cry or scream; just sing. Like that goat from Hoodwinked. While annoying, it's certainly not "a negative health trade off". I wish I lived in the world I've created in my mind.
