I guess it's mostly context. I remember a scene from one of Robert Parker's Spenser novels where Spenser arrived at the home of a woman he needed to interview, and the woman's Significant Other (also a woman) opened the door and immediately kicked Spenser in the nuts. She expected the kick to incapacitate him. It didn't, and he knocked her unconscious with one punch. Seemed a reasonable response to me.
If I hit a guy first, I don't expect him to just take it. Which is why I don't hit guys (or anyone for that matter). Most men can easily injure a woman, they simply have more physical strength (especially upper body). I despise men who bully weaker than themselves, but at the same time, messed up notions of masculinity that forbid a man hit a woman under any circumstances, lead to not an insignificant number of men being victims of domestic violence, perpetrated by their female partners. Still a hugely smaller number than female victims at the hands of men, but certainly nor negligible. I feel responding with equal force is appropriate, and can stop the cycle of abuse at least at the hands of female perpetrators. Sadly, we are still left with a huge problem of men abusing women, who have little or no chance to respond with equal force.
@jazzabel and the men who are victims of domestic violence then have a huge cultural obstacle in reporting what's being done to them, or any recourse in getting help. on the other hand, domestic violence is almost never just a random hit--it's invariably based on a foundation of verbal and emotional abuse, deliberate isolation, and a wicked combination of threats and promises, which makes it incredibly difficult for the victim to just hit back without opening a Pandora's box of escalation. nonconsensual violence has no place in any kind of relationship between people of any gender. ... consensual violence is a whole other thing, and to me at least, a much more pleasant topic of conversation.
From the time I can remember I was told to never hit a girl. I've always kept this in mind and I've lived up to it even when I have been hit or kicked by a woman. I'm sure there is probably a point where I would have to break that seed that has been ingrained in me, but right now I can't honestly tell you what it is.
Re-read the last line of your post. You were pretty all-inclusive there. If you have exceptions, you need to note them. As to least effective, I'm going to do what gives me the opportunity to stop the action or at least get away from it.
I was pretty all-inclusive there, wasn't I? how about a revision: anybody hitting anybody in anger, or initiating violence to control another person's actions, regardless of gender, is reprehensible. better?
From a woman's point of view, there are three reasons I would divorce my husband, him hitting me, is one of them BUT, If I were to lace into him all guns blazing and fists flying, I would expect him to defend himself. Depending on the situation. hmmm. I have a scene where my female MC is put in a really, really bad situation that on the face of it, looks to be caused by her partner, she flies at him and thumps him twice, once in the head and once in the cheek but he doesn't fight back, he just grabs her wrists to stop her doing it again. I guess every instance is different and each one has it's own answer that some will think is wrong and some will think is right. In your example, if you had slapped the girl, you would have been the one in the wrong, it would have been classed as an unprovoked attack. What would have been better in that instance would have been for you to shout "well, excuse me!" very loudly! Just because someone 'deserves' a slap, doesn't mean it right or up to you to give it.
Chivalry really confuses me. I love to think that chivalry isn't dead but every time my husband tries to take one of my shopping bags off me, I yank it back and snap "I can carry my own bloody bags you know!"
I wouldn't hit anyone. I've had cause to, when I was hit, but I have a switch in my head that prevents me from swinging a punch. I don't like to hurt people.
I'm a woman and I don't believe in hitting anyone. I used to fight with a sibling of mine when I was in elementary school and I still remember the moment I realized physical fighting didn't mean anything. @J.W.Exeter You mentioned the girl shouldered you out of the way. Perhaps she was in a hurry and didn't care who was in her way. Did she single you out on purpose, or actively make you feel less because she was popular and rich? Or maybe it was your own insecurity that was causing you to be mad. Just a thought.
Lol. That's what I don't get. Are we women so insecure that we cannot bear to accept help from a man, for fear of being viewed as weaker? It's just kindness. You would take the bag for your husband too, I'm sure, if he was carrying too many. Not because you think he's weak, but just cus you care. Anyway, when a woman reacts negatively to chivalry, that's what confuses me lol. I'm all for female chivalry too! I just think of it as kindness, and attentiveness
Absolutely! I do let him take some of the bags but only if he leaves me with some too! The other thing that bugs me is when I'm wheeling the shopping trolley to the car, he tries to start putting the shopping in as soon as I open the boot but he never puts them in strategically so when we get home, the shopping's all over the place whereas I like to put certain bags in a certain order so that nothing falls over. Oh God, I am awful to him! Must try harder to accept his chivalrous ways!
Well, there was just me and my buddy walking down an empty hallway (it was between classes) and there was plenty of room for her to have maneuvered around me. I still remember her name. It was Olivia. Yea, she was rich and pretty. But she was always acting like she was better than others. So I knew she had aimed for me to purposely have "put me in my place". The friend I was with was really unpopular, so I knew she likely considered me and him beneath her. It's just one of those feelings you get. I've been aggravated, and worse, by females since then and I kept my cool every time. But it was the motive behind her senselessly antagonistic action that was especially repulsive to me. I wouldn't do it now that I am older and slightly wiser, but I wish I had slapped her back in the day. Girl or not, you don't treat someone like they are filth that is only in your way.
Alright, but you realize "likely" and a "feeling" does not mean it was absolutely that way. Now that you're older and wiser, I don't know why you still think you should have slapped her back then. Maybe that one incident was personal, but it just seems to me that's how she treats the majority of people and you don't need to stoop to her level. No one can injure your pride if you don't let them. I'm sure life will teach her that she won't always have all the advantages. And really, "females" are just people. Do you hit every guy for aggravation they cause you? And to be honest, I would never date a guy who has hit a woman. Because that tells me they could be abusive towards me.
I was a refugee, I know how you must have felt to be treated that way by someone privileged, who has no idea of hardships in life. I too was furious with people many times for being who they are - arrogant twats basically. I'm glad you didn't resort to violence, though, because that girl's actions, as pathetic as they may have been, didn't warrant a violent response. Or let me put it this way - if 'she' was a 200 pound quarterback 'he' who could mop the floor with you, I bet you wouldn't spend years seething about your 'missed chances to slap him'. And besides, responding violently would've only made the matters worse in terms of fitting in.
Yea. When someone has had enough of her shit and slaps her. People that ignorant to begin with don't just wake up one day and realize they've been wrong this whole time. Not unless they get a slap in the face. I could have been to one to have enlightened her. Too bad. Missed opportunity. People are so sickeningly pacifistic sometimes. As if a slap would have ruined her life. It's not rape and it's not a beat down. It's a slap. If you can't handle a slap, really, you need to mature and realize that altercations happen. No one is perfect and no one is the same. My girlfriend slaps me often when we argue, and I've never layed hands on her of course, but I didn't break up with her because she was abusive. She got angry, her reason lapsed and she slapped me. No harm done.
Ok now I think you are starting to step over the line. You don't change a person's view on life by physical violence. You really should tone it down a bit.
