I don't know what else to do but post this:

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by ILaughAtTrailers, Mar 25, 2016.

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  1. Oscar Leigh

    Oscar Leigh Contributor Contributor

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    Oops.
     
  2. Link the Writer

    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

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    Look, if this is about your not being able to score that totally hot chick, I've news for ya: I'm 27 and never had a girlfriend. The 'first date' thing? Yeah, didn't happen to me. And I'm OK with that. I'm not really into that sort of hassle. Life isn't about dating and having sex with hot people despite what society tells you. And I'm still struggling to find a job -- gaining more experience via volunteer work in museums and other historical sites. This is a crappy economic time for everyone. We're all in this.

    You're not a fuck-up. If anything else, this forum is proof of that because complete strangers from all around the world -- strangers you've never met before clearly think you're something better. And as @Oscar Leigh said, keep trying. Keep looking, there's gonna be someone there who has what you need to fix this.

    But most of all, be patient with yourself. You're dealing with shit most people don't have to deal with, and it seems like you've got an extreme case of it.
     
  3. Rethagos

    Rethagos Member

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    Some doctors are decent people, true, but even they have to sustain themselves somehow.

    Also, regarding your #1 problem, boy: don't bother finding yourself a girl just yet.
    You'll just draw to yourself that kind of women, who are just like you (as in the current state): with issues and problems.
    Trust me on that one. Don't look for a girl just yet.
     
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  4. Oscar Leigh

    Oscar Leigh Contributor Contributor

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    Get help before expecting anything to be happy in the sunshine. Find whatever professional help you need. Then you will be armed to improve your life.
     
  5. jannert

    jannert Retired Mod Supporter Contributor

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    Do you know why girls don't like you? Is it something you do or say? Or do you think they don't because you don't (yet) have a girlfriend?

    It's okay on this forum because we're discussing the problems you're having, but if you present yourself to people as 'I'm a loser, I can't do anything right, everybody hates me, etc' this is not going to attract people.

    I had a good friend who had a conversation very similar to this one (in my presence). The other person was doing the confessional thing, the 'why doesn't anybody love me, I'm just desperate for a girlfriend,' - and my friend interrupted with "Well, desperation isn't a very attractive quality, you know." He said this very gently and conversationally, and the other guy stopped in full flow and started to think. I've never forgotten that bit of wisdom.

    I'm not saying this is easy to do at all. But if you can keep your doubts and fears to yourself (except when you're venting somewhere like this or talking to your therapist) and just pretend to be the kind of 'normal' you wish you were ...strange things might happen. You might well attract somebody who sees the rest of you ...the part of you that has creativity, wishes, dreams, skills, potential, empathy for others, etc, and will fall in love with you. Once they're in love with you, then you can reveal your insecurities and they will probably be accepted as part of you. But if you wear the insecurities on your sleeve or wave them over your head like a flag of surrender, folks are going to head for the exit.

    It's kind of what we all do, although your situation is more extreme. But when we're trying to attract a mate, we don't advertise our worst qualities, do we? We try to cover them up and be on our best behaviour and show them the best side of us. If you can find some way to do this, I think you may end up with at least some of your wishes coming true.

    Don't forget as well ...mental illnesses are MUCH more mainstream-acceptable these days than they ever were in the past. Just finding out that you're bipolar isn't going to make everybody run away any more. Only if you dwell on the condition constantly, let it become the only thing you are, and never let them forget it. Then they'll be put off.
     
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  6. HelloImRex

    HelloImRex Senior Member

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    If you don't feel like you'll use your college degree, don't get one. College really is a great source of emotional pain, it's not like its fun writing papers and taking tests and paying money to be judged on how well you write papers and take tests. You need a reason to do it, and at 24 you need a good reason. For me, I'm in a much better situation regarding college and I still feel negative about it. I'm graduating in a month with a molecular and cellular biology degree with an okay gpa, around 3.5, not great, not terrible. The problem is that I have no clue how I'm going to use it. I honestly don't like the material that much, sure, learning some biology can be fun, but I don't really like the prospect of working in a lab. And my only other option besides lab work is applying to med school. I don't really want to do it and with that attitude I probably can't do it. Even if I could would it really be morally permissible? People who become doctors are passionate about it. They care about people. It's not just some way of settling into life. I only went to college in the first place to get away from using drugs, I was doing a lot in high school and my life wasn't turning out very well. College was more like a weird rehab than an education. So now I'm 22, no job or girlfriend, never had any of those. But I have this degree I don't really know how to use.

    I guess my point is you can turn any situation, even ones that look good on the surface, into something truly negative if you try hard enough. We all have our problems, w are all probably pretty rotten at the core. But that's not the end of it. Over the last year I've really fallen in love with writing, so after college I'll get some regular job and try writing as much as I can for a little bit. I don't know how it will work, but I'll be happier that way, for now.
     
    Last edited: Mar 28, 2016
  7. 123456789

    123456789 Contributor Contributor

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    guys when someone says they want to kill themselves, there's a big issue here. I hope he responds soon
     
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  8. jannert

    jannert Retired Mod Supporter Contributor

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    Yeah. I hope he reappears soon. Damn. That's the thing with this forum. We DON'T know where you live....
     
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  9. Link the Writer

    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

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    Shit... Is there a way we could track him down somehow?
     
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  10. plothog

    plothog Contributor Contributor

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    At 24 your time isn't close to running out. I've known people who've found a partner at 40.
    You've got time to find ways to be a bit more accepting of yourself, and then maybe when you're not so filled with self loathing you'll find it easier to get a girlfriend.

    Aspiring to be liked by the beautiful, popular, confident people is a tough call. In my experience many are less likely to be accepting of people who are little bit awkward. I made that mistake when I was younger and then got frustrated that people didn't like me and wondered what was wrong with me.
    Then I joined the Science Fiction and Fantasy Society at my university. It was a nerdy bunch of folk. Quite a few who were trying to fake being cool and confident, but failing at it, a guy who'd often complain about his depression, some who probably had aspergers etc. There were some who were verging on normal, except for their love of nerdy hobbies.
    But generally they were nice people who weren't so quick to reject someone for being a bit socially awkward.

    Moving in nerdy circles isn't often a way to meet girlfriends. The male to female ratio isn't great,(though not as terrible as it used to be - there seems to be a slow increase in girl nerds) but it helped me get friends, helped me realise I wasn't that abnormal, gave me practice at interacting with other human beings on a social basis, gave me positive life experiences to give me genuine upbeat conversation topics. etc.

    Maybe that's not the route to happiness for you, but it worked for me, so I hope it illustrates there can be ways out of the vicious circles people find themselves in.
     
  11. Duchess-Yukine-Suoh

    Duchess-Yukine-Suoh Girl #21 Contributor

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    I agree with everyone else here that you should get professional help, or at least counseling from your college, or just someone who can help you more than we can.

    However, let's look at things from a bystander's point of view.
    Concerning your major, it's not too late to change majors. If you can't afford that, that's okay. You said that you don't know anything about a finance major, but Finance majors work in a variety of palaces. You could work at someplace fun. You could work at a non-profit. You could even work at a bookstore or publishing company.
    If you can't major in English, why not minor in it? Many community colleges also offer cheap, non-credit writing courses that you could take over summer break. Or you could take a free class online!


    Concerning girls, I agree with @Link the Writer, dating someone isn't the be-all, end-all of a happy, fulfilled, life. However, your chance of meeting someone are 0% if you don't do anything. Even if you don't get a girlfriend, you'll make some new friends. If going to the gym isn't your thing, I know some colleges offer hiking or canoe trips. Or, how about joining a book club, or a "geek" club? How about community service? Just get out there, and you'll surprise yourself.


    You say no one cares, but we do. We care, and I hope that when you are feeling better, you can fully join this beautiful and vibrant community. Hope is not a delusion. It's not certain or all-powerful, but surprises you.
     
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  12. Duchess-Yukine-Suoh

    Duchess-Yukine-Suoh Girl #21 Contributor

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    He was last seen at 4:50 am (my timezone, which is eastern USA), so it is possible that he lives in a western timezone, and is still asleep.

    I know that it's possible to track someone's IP address from this site, but is it possible to see where he lives, or at least the college he goes to? @minstrel, @Wreybies?
     
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  13. Wreybies

    Wreybies Thrice Retired Supporter Contributor

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    His IP pings West Coast, USA. Giving out information more detailed than that would be a violation of privacy.
     
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  14. ILaughAtTrailers

    ILaughAtTrailers Active Member

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    I'm okay. I'm not going to kill myself. I'm just going to have to live with this, for better or for worse. Thank you all for your support. I hope this doesn't look like I'm seeking attention. I definitely didn't and don't want it to come off that way. To say in a poor form, I'm just trying to get my thoughts out in a place I feel okay doing that in and with people who I feel can understand me and provide sympathy for me in ways that I can't get in other parts of my life, suffice to say.

    On a brighter note, spring break is finally over and I am returning to classes tomorrow. I have been shut in a single room all week and that might be why I have been so gloomy and dark lately as loneliness and being with nothing but your thoughts will do that.

    The stress, schoolwork, and having things to do coming back will hopefully make my life more stable again. I have a job interview for a pizza place delivering in two days and I'll most likely get it because I've had a lot of these jobs in the past and hopefully I'll meet some people and become more social in some way.

    On a much much brighter note, and I feel like I'm channeling "Lolita" here, is that something happened I didn't think would in a million million years. The girl I like is registered in one of my classes. It's a big class. But it's hope and it's opportunity, so I'm not going to complain. This morning, I checked, and she wasn't in any of my classes (because I am checking obsessively), and then an hour later she was. I don't know. I know it's wrong to be this obsessed and this excited over something but I seriously haven't liked a girl this much. I don't even know her. It's just her temperament. If that makes sense.

    For what it's worth, I know it's going to end up being nothing and that I'll be back in my room alone thinking I'm a failure and that I will never get the girl I actually like, like what always happens. But I hope it doesn't.

    Peace. Thanks for the replies. You guys are helping on such a strong level that I don't even know how to explain it. Just knowing that there's people that are trying to help me gives me something to look forward to everyday and that means the world. Thank you.
     
  15. Duchess-Yukine-Suoh

    Duchess-Yukine-Suoh Girl #21 Contributor

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    Good to see you back! I hope you get that job, and I hope you stick around this forum, haha. Don't worry, we don't think you're seeking attention. I'm glad to know that we helped you. Best of luck!
     
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  16. KokoN

    KokoN Active Member

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    @ILaughAtTrailers - I'm so sorry you've been feeling so depressed (before your most recent post). You mentioned you were diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder - something I know more about than I wish I did. (I don't have it myself but I know someone who does) If that is a correct diagnosis, that could be a big part of your problem. However it also means there is a lot of reason to hope! I know that recently there have been therapies developed that has actually helped to treat Borderline, when other types of therapy in the past have failed. I think one of them is called DBT or something like that. You should ask your therapist if he knows anything about that, because it could seriously help you, especially when it comes to relating to other people.

    Also, on a different note, I know what it's like to chase after, in my case, boys that I had crushes on because everything else in my life seemed hopeless. Trust me, it's not worth it. I'm so much happier now that I'm not doing that, although it was a hard habit to break. In my situation, it was God that helped me and is still helping me. (I believe that He can help anyone else as well, but I don't want to start preaching here, I know not everyone appreciates that.) At least please go and get therapy, it will help you so much! Also I'm not a big fan of drugs, I believe they should be used very cautiously, doctors don't always know what they're talking about so do your own research and talk to your pharmacist before you take anything.

    I'm glad you're feeling better, and I hope that continues!
     
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  17. HelloImRex

    HelloImRex Senior Member

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    Yeah, that's kind of creepy. I used to get that way back in high-school until I realized it wasn't normal and the simple solution is to just ask the girl out. Because if you don't ask her out you get in this situation where you will always care more about her than she cares about you and eventually there's such a gap between how you think of each other it could never work by default. So I'm giving you an assignment. Go ask the girl out this week. If she says no then it was still worth it because right now is the best shot you've got.
     
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  18. 123456789

    123456789 Contributor Contributor

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    Listen, when someone says "I'm going to kill myself," it has to be taken seriously. What city do you live in if you don't mind my asking?
     
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  19. ILaughAtTrailers

    ILaughAtTrailers Active Member

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    Can someone edit her name out of the original post?
     
  20. Oscar Leigh

    Oscar Leigh Contributor Contributor

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    Whose name??? Ask @Wreybies or @minstrel they're staff with deleting and editing powers.
     
  21. Oscar Leigh

    Oscar Leigh Contributor Contributor

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    More therapy. Do it. If you want to deal with your issues, you need to go back to a doctor and get someone serious aid. Talking can only do so much. Wish you luck with your recovery. :blowkiss::blowkiss:
     
  22. ILaughAtTrailers

    ILaughAtTrailers Active Member

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    Thank you :).

    Thank you! Yes, I am seeing three professionals at the moment and they are aware I have BPD. I will ask them about seeing a specialist next time or if we can focus more on it or something. I don't know if the lamictal (a mood-stabilizer) is really working and I'm thinking about being prescribed marijuana in some form because that was the last time I actually felt normal, happy, and clear. It wasn't even a high or hallucinatory, it was just crazy how NORMAL I felt. I couldn't believe it. The only reason I'm not doing it more regularly is because I'm in a dorm and people will smell it.

    This is true. Of course. Absolutely. Everything you said is correct.

    I'm just so goddamn afraid she is going to take one glance at me, roll her eyes, say eww, and leave me hanging, like what pretty much happened to me all through high school eight years ago (and the reason I dropped out of high school was because I couldn't take it socially anymore and not fitting in). Maybe things are different now, though? I don't know because I don't want to give myself false hope. I still believe I might just be a disgusting skinny nerd, I don't know.

    Ask her out? Why do you make that seem so simple? How do I even go about doing that? Just say hey you want to go get coffee or study or something later? She's totally just going to interpret that as "oh my god he wants to have sex with me, gross, get the hell away from me, creep." I mean, ERRRRRR!

    I can't do that.

    It's in the original post.

    Thank you. I am very much seeking professional help at this very moment. It's just that I'm also talking on here because I have no other place to express myself.
     
  23. Kinzvlle

    Kinzvlle At the bottom of a pit Contributor

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    Stumbled across this, and wanted to say something. I relate to a lot of this, and I hate to see people going through it. I`m 18 so slightly younger than you but I haven`t had really any real relationships. The closest thing I had to one was mainly sexting. I`m still a virgin and honestly, I'm ok with that? There`s idiots school and such that call me a bitch or gay (as an insult), due to this. I can understand why, people feel like they should have some sort of experience because we live in a society where it`s viewed as odd to still be a virgin or at least no real relationships but it isn`t . If you like someone get to know her, if something happens that`s great but don`t just focus on wanting a relationship. Find the right person not just someone cause you feel you need it. On the flip side by willing to talk to her I've really liked people but never worked up the courage to talk to them about it, due to social anxiety and a fear of rejection. I know it`s not as easy to do as it is to say but just find someone you like and see where it goes, but don`t be scared to put yourself out there.

    On the ugly thing....I feel ugly all the time. My face if covered in acne, my teeth are jacked up due to poor dental health when I was younger, and I`ve never felt like I was someone people would find attractive. It`s a self-esteem thing, I have rather self-esteem just recently been building it back up. Childhood things that I won`t go into here, added with bullying, and developing bi-curious feelings in an environment where gay is treated like an insult has put my self-esteem in the gutter. I`ve felt like I couldn`t amount to anything and I hate to see people feeling like this, hate it hate it. As for the script being a pipe dream, even if it is it`s good to be able to cope through something like that. I started writing both to escape. I don`t have much esteem in my writing I don`t finish things or never try and send them out places because I fear rejection or don`t feel that there good enough.

    Do not kill you`rself. I`ve been there, down in my step dad's deli wondering what would happen if I would just take one of those big knives and cut my wrists, or thoughts of holding myself under the water while at a pond or looking at a tub. Something that helped me was talking about it like this. I didn`t have anyone in real life to talk to and a lot of people find it odd that I reached out to people online, I've even been told it`s not normal but it worked. I made a friend on a rping site, he had his own issues and we helped each other. It helped just to have someone reaching out, and caring.

    That feeling like you`re life has amount to nothing..I've felt that. As someone who's own life is coming close to the real world with college coming up, I worry that my life will amount o nothing that me having no idea for my future will lead to it just flashing y. Both of us are young it s hard not to have these thoughts, but think of all the years you have to find your place in life.

    I`ll also echo, the statement of therapy. As someone, who sees a therapist regularly and the son of someone on medications for things that I won`t disclose it does help. Don`t rely purely on medications and not all meds help some do do harm. If you're therapist doesn't work for you, find a new one if your insurance allows. You need to be able to talk to them easily, so if you don't like the person it`s not gonna work. Try and get out there, and ignore all those voices in you're head telling you will fail. Easier said then done I know but you`ve gotta try.

    I still have moments of this I do, it`s not fully gone but therapy has helped and coming to terms with my bisexuality has helped in the sense that I no longer feel like it makes me worse of a person. I`ve begun to shed the effects of the bigotry I was brought up around. I`ve decided to focus more on my writing and that focus helps makes me feel less flapping in the wind. I still have moments though, don`t think I`ll ever not . Stick around, having people to talk to like this will help.

    Me and everyone else are here for you. I know this has quite a few typos on it, but I`m jotting this down quickly. I should be working on school work but I saw this and I had to say something.

    Good luck and good blessings to you.
     
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  24. 123456789

    123456789 Contributor Contributor

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    Why do you think she's better than her? You have to be your biggest fan.
     
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  25. Oscar Leigh

    Oscar Leigh Contributor Contributor

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    Yeah, I know people at my school who have relationships, but I know plenty who don't. I'm still a complete virgin, never even kissed a guy, but I deal. (Grumbles) Again, you've got plenty of time and it's not that odd to be where you are at this time. Don't rush it. You do you. :agreed:
     
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2016
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