Oscar Leigh Corp Super-Suggestions (C). Subliminally (or overtly) influencing your writing decisions since 1945!
Just finished this one for the second book in my series: Brianna Fordham is trying to get her life together. Having recently killed her mobster ex-boyfriend and his two henchmen in self-defense she hopes to find peace and anonymity several states away. Her plans are soon disrupted by a fleeting encounter with a frightened young blonde girl in a passing car. Reporting what she sees to the local police sets in motion a dangerous chain of events from which she finds herself unable to escape. Though she has sworn off romantic pursuits, Brianna soon finds herself immersed in a world of enticingly dangerous men. Her steamy relationship with Detective Trey Hirsch is soon at odds with cold-blooded killers and the handsome but incessantly annoying Mitch Brennan, a man with a mysterious employer who makes her an offer she wants to refuse--but isn't sure she can.
Hi, This is the blurb to Spaced - my space opera currently with Tickety Boo Press. "The Translation Drive. The wonder of the ages. And the drive that opened up the universe to exploration. But the drive has a down side. With the push of a button you could be anywhere in the universe. But you could also be eternally lost – Spaced. This is the fate that befalls Doctor Carmichael Simons. Returning to Aquaria after a successful mineral survey he finds himself named as a terrorist and bomber. With the police trying to kill him and the navy closing in, he does the unthinkable. He jumps wild, in effect spacing himself. Now he can never get home and clear his name – but that won't stop him trying. Back on Aquaria Detective Annalisse Samara, given the task of investigating the bombing and finding out why a respected scientist would blow up a hydroponics reserve, begins work. But what she uncovers may well turn the Commonwealth on its head and get her killed. In the end they may both be spaced." Let me know what you think as I still have time to change it a little. Cheers, Greg.
@psychotick I was sad that it was over so quickly. You have my interest, but you left me wondering where the rest of the book is. Cause now I want to read it to find out what happens. You are an evil genius I say.
I've revised mine, as I quickly wrote it last time, and it was too long. How is this? Spawned from the dark web a secret cult of serial killers and chaos makers are causing trouble. The world is in crisis, terrorism is at epidemic levels, and the UK stands alone under complete high definition surveillance. The Cult have no identity, no name and no memory, they rely on instinct and are hard wired to kill. But Anonymous is different, his programming has been overridden. He has fallen in love with a missing person. Now he wants his name back, his memories and his life. So begins his search, but almost everything stands in his way and as he delves further into his past, he quickly realises he is not who he thought he was, and nor is anybody else around him.
I personally like the idea of having the first sentence on its own, particularly as its the second in the series, and she is the chief protagonist. Puts the focus on her. I also wonder about being so flagrant detailing incidents from the previous novel. I am having a similar issue. Should stating that she killed her mobster ex-boyfriend be replaced with something more like, After recent tragic events or After a fateful confrontation with her mobster ex-boyfriend. In case someone reads the blurb from book 2 before the first.
I'd consider amending the first paragraph, it reads a little abbreviated. Maybe something like.. "The Translation Drive was considered the wonder of the ages. It opened up the universe to exploration - with the push of a button you could be anywhere in known space. But you could also be eternally lost. Spaced in truth."
This is the first in a long series I am planning, so the trick is to say what it's about but not reveal spoilers. It's 148 so I can trim it if anyone can suggest what needs cut, without losing a covering explanation of what it's about. It's a superhero novel aimed at teens. Stephen Aterston is fading. Literally. With school now behind him, no promising future ahead, and encumbered with his sullen father in London, he retreats more and more into isolation, mourning his mother, and fearing the worst from the disquieting affliction that is spreading along his arm. When an attempted abduction is frustrated, his savior, the heroic giant Sigma, transports him to an US Army base, where Stephen is adopted into the bizarre ‘Superz’ program alongside other afflicted individuals. The much maligned ‘Superz’ program, under the command of Captain Lisa MacIntyre, the most intelligent officer in the American military, teeters on the brink of termination, not least because of her dangerous and impulsive missions that threaten to unsettle the worldwide political landscape. However, Stephen discovers that all of this pales into significance when faced with teammate jealousies, arguments, betrayals and being spurned by the girl with the intriguing eyes…
Valid point. The struggle is real between not giving away spoilers for the first book vs. grabbing the attention of a potential reader. You suggestion has been taken under advisement.
This one also gives away quite a bit, unless the stuff we are being told occurs before the story. We know there will be an abduction attempt, that it will fail,that he will be saved by a giant, that he will be taken to an army base in the U.S. etc. If that's all being dramatized in the story itself, then knowing this will take away from the reading. At least for me. I don't read cover blurbs until after I finish a book, for this reason.
I rarely come across back covers that don't give too much away. I recently finished The Girl With All The Gifts, and I think the back cover to that one is excellent: "Every morning, Melanie waits in her cell to be collected for class. When they come for her, Sergeant Parks keeps his gun pointing at her while two of his people strap her into the wheelchair. She thinks they don't like her. She jokes that she won't bite. But they don't laugh." To me, that's interesting. It raises a number of questions and gives nothing away about the plot. Had I read it before I bought the book, it would have increased my chances of buying it. And, as it happened, the book was quite good.
Now for something completely different, here's mine: For what would you be willing to sell your soul? For what are you willing to die? From childhood, Sandy Beichten has set her sights on practicing architecture to the glory of God. Now, as right-hand woman to brilliant young architect Eric Baumann, she’s in the perfect position to live out that call. If only she hadn’t fallen in love with him too. For Eric, handsome, idealistic, and kind, would fit her image of the perfect husband— if he weren’t so opposed to Christianity and to marriage itself. Eric’s focus is on a architecture alone, and Sandy fears he’d make a deal with the devil if it would make his vision of doing cutting-edge design come true. To her relief, he proves her wrong when he turns down what seems to be the commission of a lifetime. But sinister would-be client Nick Hardt refuses to take no for an answer, and before he is done, he will force Sandy and Eric to make a Faustian choice that will pit what they love most on earth against their humanity, their lives— and their very souls.
Working on a short story. Not sure... Eight random people with very different backgrounds meet in an Internet chatroom. No one is who they say they are, and as their lies force them together, they must face the one thing they have been running from, their true indentities. Scammers, Hackers, Trolls, Paedophiles and a Private Investigator with a conspiracy theory all have their bubbles burst and let the outside world in, whether they like it or not, as one of the group has a secret so extraordinary it could change the future of the human race forever.
No one knows if heroes are born or made, but one thing we can all agree on is that they're prone to questionable life decisions. When one such hero, a prince of his people, is pushed to the edge he enlists the help of a deranged magic user. With his own life and those of his people left what could only be described as something worse than chance, the prince makes ready for what his last ditch effort that could only end in total victory or crushing defeat. Also, and on a completely unrelated note, an average highschooler is struggling with family, friends, and advanced math, but that's probably a different story for another time.
For a book on VW campers I'm writing: "For over half a century, the Volkswagen "bus" has cast a spell on the automobile industry, and John LaTorre is still trying to understand why. In the process, he’s put half a million miles on them, camped in them, lived in them, and worked on them in the most inconvenient places and times. This is his story. "The VW bus has had several lives: a no-nonsense commercial van, a (mostly) reliable daily driver, an icon for a free-wheeling counter-culture, a symbol for getting away from it all, and the template for today’s ubiquitous mini-vans. An amazing number of them are over forty years old and still on the road, doing what they were designed to do, in one of transportation’s greatest success stories. "On the Bus is a story of auto shows, roadside breakdowns, and journeys across the country and around the American west. It’s a story of the people who drive buses, love buses, camp in buses, repair buses, and keep buses on the road. Hop in and buckle up … it’s a thrilling ride, and the journey isn’t over."
I like this, mostly. The last paragraph I love. But you'll want to root out the redundancies. E.g., you've got "camped in them" in the first paragraph and "camp in buses" in the third. Maybe you could try something like this: "The Volkswagen bus is many things to many people has had several lives: a no-nonsense commercial van, a (mostly) reliable vehicle for daily drivinger, an icon for a free-wheeling counter-culture, a symbol for getting away from it all, and the template for today’s ubiquitous mini-vans. For over half a century, the VWolkswagen "bus" has cast a spell on American culture the automobile industry, and John LaTorre set out is still trying to understand why. In the process, he's put half a million miles on them, camped in them, lived in them, and worked on them in the most inconvenient places and times. This is his story. "On the Bus is a story of auto shows, roadside breakdowns, and journeys across the country and around the American wWest. It’s a talestory of the people who drive VW buses, love VW buses, camp in VW buses, repair VW buses, and keep VW buses on the road. Hop in and buckle up--- … iIt’s a thrilling ride, and the journey isn’t over." I'm questioning the idea that the Bus cast a spell on the auto industry and suggest you cut that phrase, since it's obvious that most cars and trucks in America are not patterned somehow after the VW bus. But on American culture, yes, which is what you get into in the first lines (as rearranged). And you probably don't want to say, "still trying to understand why." If you haven't made some wonderful discoveries about why and set them down in your book, why should we buy it? And you can cut "This is his story," because it isn't, is it? It's the story of the VW bus. Besides, you've got the word "story" two more times in the last paragraph. All that said . . . The book sounds great. Let us know when you get it published so I can get my hands on a copy.
Catrin, you're right on almost all counts. I should have put a little more time into writing the blurb and tightening it up. "Trying to understand why" should be "understands why." (Maybe I was listening to Prairie Home Companion and was typing as Tim Russell was introducing the Guy Noir segment ...) Is the term "daily driver" too obscure for the blurb? At least among the people I hang with, it's a commonplace term for a car you use for your daily transportation needs, rather than a show car, an occasionally driven sports car, or a hauler you don't use much. And the book reveals how the bus was indeed the template for both modern commercial vans like the Econoline and minivans such as the Sienna and the Caravan. But you're right that I have overstated the case by implying that its effect was greater than that. Another fix to make, and thanks for catching it, and fore your input in general.
"Daily driver" may work or not, depending on your target audience. To me, an ordinary car owner, it seems to refer to the person behind the wheel who commutes a lot. But if you're appealing primarily to aficiandos, it's probably fine to use it in re: the bus itself. I want to say again that your blurb on first reading struck me as something I might see on a traditionally published book (Bill Bryson, anyone?). Impressive. It just needs tightening up.
I don't know if this thread's too dead to revive or not, but it did inspire me to work on my WIP's back-cover blurb back when it was first posted, so I figured I may as well post it. You were NOT joking about how hard these are to write! It's taken me this long just to write one I even remotely like! After surviving a close encounter with the phoenix, Valfredo returns home to find the clan’s nesting ground destroyed, with few survivors who escaped the phoenix’s brutal attack. Now determined to protect the remaining few from a similar end, he must fight millennia of traditions and beliefs that claim the phoenix is an unkillable fallen sun. But the phoenix’s appetite for dragon flesh is increasing, and Valfredo begins to worry not only for his own clan’s survival, but also for the survival of the entire dragon race.
Hi, Had a look at it. Liked the idea of a dragon and a phoenix fighting by the way. Haven't seen that before. Or that dragons could be the victims. Few suggestions. "Having survived a close encounter with the phoenix, Valfredo returns home to find the clan’s nesting ground destroyed. Very few survivors escaped the brutal attack. Now determined to protect the rest of his clan from a similar fate, he must turn them into fighters. But first he must fight millennia of traditions and beliefs that claim the phoenix is an unkillable fallen sun. And even as he works the phoenix’s appetite for dragon flesh is increasing, and Valfredo begins to worry not only for his own clan’s survival, but also for the survival of the entire dragon race." Cheers, Greg.
Captain Taryn Bellin and the crew of The Zenith live on the fringes of legal society. They take almost any job going to keep their ship in the air and dollars in their pockets. Complications are nothing new, but with no job, a compression coil on its last legs and a handsome, enigmatic passenger asking too many questions, things are looking particularly troublesome. And that's before they stumble across the most wanted man in the Galaxy.
