Since about 90% of the platonic relationships tend to have a promotion (by a research conducted by a local magazine, which I'm sorry I didn't track), I'm not a fan of them. Oh well. I don't really have any platonic friends, considering real life.
Hmmm out of 4 serious relationships there's only 1 ex that i'm not still closest of friends with, and thats down to the why we broke up part.
The question isn't just "can a lass and a lad just be friends?" The question is, "can a heterosexual lass and a heterosexual lad just be friends over an extended period of time?" The answer is unequivocably, "NO." Sally C.
Yes, platonic relationships are possible. Every relationship with a member of the opposite sex isn't destined for the question of "romance" or "not to romance--move on", or at least it shouldn't be. Maybe it is easier once you're in a committed relationship--for me that is marriage. It changes how one looks at the world and other people. Can I look at someone and recognize they're not only physically attractive, but intelligent, funny, wise, etc? Yes. But I can also spend time with them, have fun with them and my mind is not working along the lines of "where this could go romantically." Beyond the moral issue, I've already got my romance and life-long partner. Or maybe that is why divorce rates are so high...people look at committed relationships in a different light. Terry
This thread seems to indicate that the answer to the question is an individual matter. There are some who will insist that it is absolutely, written-in-stone impossible to have a friendship with a member of the opposite sex, and there are others who say "Sure it's possible. Been doing it for years.", which is a pretty good refutation of the afforementioned assertion. I guess you need to have some sort of character quality or extra brain mass or something to make such a thing possible. Whatever it is, I was born without it.
Maybe it's easiest when you both are in a committed relationship? Perhaps that was my downfall. I was married; he was not? At least, not by my definition. *sigh -Sally
Have to agree with you there Kit. I can see no reason why any female and male cannot be friends for the sake of the friendship. Maybe I'm being mega naive here, but I really believe this. I have one friend in particular who is a happily married woman with grown up kids living at home and /or away as suits them. I too am married with 2 great kids. Neither of us want anything from each other other than what we give each other - friendship. Would I leave my wife for her - probably not, would she leave her husband for me - again probably not. The subject has simply never came up. In fact I get on great with her husband and she gets on great with my partner. As for there being some level of "interest" there to start with, yeah I did fancy her to start with, but never even thought of acting upon it. Our friendship means too much to both of us.
RULES FOR A FRIEND OF THE OPPOSITE SEX AKA F.O.S Platonic friendship just that? JONATHAN SMALL The Nest One of my wife's best friends is a guy. He's rich, good-looking, single and calls her every day. Your basic nightmare. "We're like brother and sister," she says. I asked her to stop talking to him so much. She agreed. He stopped calling. Now he text-messages her three times a day! I know in my heart my wife is telling the truth: I'm the love of her life, and there's definitely no funny stuff going on between her and Moneybags McGee. But that still doesn't make me any less jealous. The whole situation raises the classic "When Harry Met Sally" question: Can men and women really be friends? The answer is yes, of course, but it's a little more complicated when there's also a significant other in the equation. So, to help me (and you) make better sense of it all, I've come up with fundamental truths about the F.O.S. (Friend of the Opposite Sex). 1. There will always be some sexual tension. I don't care if the person in question is a Neanderthal with a comb-over or a practicing nun -- if he's your good friend, then you're possibly attracted to him on some level. I'm not saying that you're necessarily going to act on this interest -- in nine out of 10 instances you won't -- but to deny you don't feel a thing for your F.O.S. is pure B.S. This is even more true for guys with a female F.O.S. Believe me, guys are much more lascivious. I've had a few really close girl friends (unfortunately, I don't have any now to rub in my wife's face), and I confess I had little mini-crushes on all of them. I don't know if they felt the same way. 2. They keep your partner on his or her toes. Whether your partner will admit it or not, your F.O.S. definitely flashes across her radar screen. Even if only occasionally. Your partner will be curious, inquisitive -- maybe even a little suspicious of your pal's motives. But hey, maybe this isn't such a bad thing if it also causes her to be more interested in you. I must admit that my wife's friendship with Moneybags has caused me to be oddly competitive. She'll come back from lunch with him at an expensive restaurant, and I'll offer to take her out to an even fancier joint -- maybe even throw in theater tickets and some flowers, too. I'm not suggesting you use your friendship to make your lover jealous (he might be anyway, so why bother). I'm just pointing out that a platonic friendship may offer the bonus of snapping your lover out of his taking-you-for-granted stupor. 3. It can keep your relationship healthy. I can't believe I'm admitting this, but everyone needs a platonic friend. It's somebody to confide in about problems and concerns, especially as they pertain to the opposite sex. Some might try rebutting with the following argument: "But my spouse is my best friend. I tell him everything." A valid point, but it's also important to get an outsider's perspective on your love life. Who better than an F.O.S. -- a person who actually understands how the other side thinks? Some of the best advice I've ever received about relationships has come from an F.O.S., including that I propose to my wife sooner rather than later. A caveat: Before opening up to an F.O.S. about your love life, you need to be sure their intentions are aboveboard. Otherwise, the advice you receive might not be in your best interest. 4. Having an F.O.S. can be healthy and natural. We're adults, so raging high school hormones (should) be less of a problem. While you can't control the friend's emotions, you can control your reaction to them. Let's admit, there's bound to be that tiny bit of "If you weren't attracted, then..." Your rule of thumb for relating and socializing with your F.O.S. without enraging your mate should be: If you wouldn't want your partner doing it (shopping, hugging or something more "tonic") with his F.O.S., then don't do it with yours. And remember to use your power of opposite sex friendship for good -- like getting control of the remote.
It is very possible to have a relationship with someone where no feelings other than friendship are concerned. I've actually been friends with a guy since we were in nappies (I can't believe I never mentioned this earlier, he'd be so upset) and we are 100% honest with each other. While he is a very attractive guy and a perfect gentleman I have never once had any feelings for him other than those of a dear friend. He is the same. I don't mean this to sound offensive to anyone, but he basically says it is like this, I am his lesbian best friend and he is my gay best friend. We can talk about everything and anything with each other and never develop or have feelings for each other. It is a great friendship. We've not spoken in a while now, but still we have always been the closet of friends and neither has ever wanted nor thought about the friendship ever go any further than just that, a straight out friendship, Both of us are single and both have been for some time and gone out for drinks and all that together but still just as friends and nothing more. SO yes it IS possible to just be friends with someone of the opposite sex and not have feelings for each other ever, because me and this guy have done it so I don't see why others can't really.
I haven't read through the whole thread, but I've skimmed enough. IMHO, males and females can be platonic friends, easily. But just as easily, either can look at each other, find themselves--as they are straight, after all--physically attracted, and mistake the platonic love in friendship mixing with that as "something more" or "falling in love". I just think people are generally confused as to what, exactly, romantic and/or platonic love is. Is there really a difference in the kind of love, or is it merely the presence or absence of physical attraction? Or something else? (Can you tell this is one of my favorite topics to explore? XD) I also personally believe that a strong, true love--not romance, physical attraction, offhanded interest, lust, or passion--is what makes for those good kind of relationships that keep people--married, male-female, male-male, female-female, human-pet, whatever--together for the longest. So...yeah. Any two people can be friends, and they can mistake it for something more. I may not have many opposite-gender friends, but thinking along the lines of...say...a favorite actor. Robert Sean Leonard, Jeremy Brett. I may love them--so I don't know them personally, but what I do know about them and their personalities, I might love. (Just as an example. XD) I even think they're heartbreakingly adorably cute/handsome/beautiful. Perhaps I'm just selectively asexual (or generally, even) but I don't feel any pull for something more than platonic love, as is generally defined at least. I don't have a crush. I might croon and awe over them, but it's sooner sisterly, friendly, motherly, or just about anything else, than a crush. Which has led me to believe that it is, in fact, sexual-physical attraction (and perhaps societal pressure) that would make it a "crush"; more than just platonic. As someone said a few posts up, it's something kind of individual, how they handle relationships. To add to what they said, I think it's more how they define relations. What weight they put on sex and how separate different "forms" of love are and what they've personally known--parents who seemed to have a strong, passionate relationship breaking up when the passion died could tell them that non-platonic love is defined by passion, which is what split two people they loved apart. Someone with grandparents who are currently 90-something and married in their early twenties and have absolutely no sex life or that brand of raw, unbridled passion written about in romance novels might decide that true non-platonic love is something of an oxymoron; that love is love and they love each other and that's what keeps them together. Others would say [the 90-y-o couple] are friends but not "in love". So I guess there's no answer. Oh, god. Get me a d*mn word document and shut me up! I'm over-analyzing again. Time to write about Jack Master, D.Phil. *wipes brow*
Yeah, males and females can be just friends. The majority of the people I get along with are males, actually, whereas I'm female. We're just friends, nothing more; some of them have wanted more, but it's not going to happen. My SO and I were friends at first, but we ended up going further than that. Most of all though, we're still friends.
No is the short answer. From personal experience my story goes like this... I have been best friend with this man since we were kids (15 years) and we fell out 6 months ago over me not going to his wedding. I have no problem with him getting married he can do what he wants, I even like his girlfriend. My problem is that I have been in love with him for about a decade and don't feel I can cope with sitting and watching him slip away. I realise that nothing would ever happen to our relationship to make it any more than friendship, but having to sit in a church and watch him get married would be like a slap in the face. He fell out with me I think because he feels it is me just being mean to him by missing his big day and that is not the case.
Nope, not possible at all. It can't be helped, it's our nature. It's how we are wired. If not both, at least one person has more feelings than the other may realize. Young people are the most susceptible to being fooled by nature. As we grow older, and are not so influenced by hormones, we have a better chance of casual friendship in public and social settings but warm frendship and time together leads to love and them your sunk. Not that it's such a bad thing but lets not fool ourselves. We are made to be attracted to each other. There is no half way about it. That's our fate, face up to it, we don't nibble. It's hook line and sinker or nothing. God bless it.
I have a guy friend who is gay... that relationship is pretty platonic. xD I tend not to 'fancy' guys... D= It would take some AWESOME guy to get me fancyin'.
i have read this whole thread and agree with those that say it's an individual matter-but i am sorry. as said before we are by nature attracted to eachother. i dont think i have ever seen a dude/gal relationship where there were no feelings at the onset. this may grow into a strong friendship but you can deny all you want but there is always that thought in the back of your head, that what if. i have a very close female friend who i was initially attracted to, i believe that men and women can be friends but there is always something at the beginning.
i find that it is very hard for me to have close guy friends. whenever i do things get messed up, out of jealousy. ive had close guy friends come damn close to beating the bloody hell out of my actual boyfriends because they were jealous.
Why? Why can't a friendship between a man and a woman begin with something other than sexual attraction? What about two people who get to know one another because they work together on the same project? Or people who got to know one another through an interest group? Think about how straight people of the same sex become friends, why cannot the same dynamic occur between a man and woman?
Ok so what you are all saying is that I couldn't have a friendship with any male what so ever, without one of us having feelings for each other? I don't think it is true. Not every person I meet I have any feelings for other than being just friends, and I know for a fact no everyone that meets me has feelings for me other than just friends. You can't be attracted to every person on the face of the planet you know. It is impossible! So a purely platonic relationship is perfectly possible to have!
Part of what might have been meant is that men and women often (not always) decide upon first impressions whether or not they are attracted to the other person. If they are not, then a friendship will ensue happily. However, if any sort of attraction is picked up then this will lead to reflection at a later time and tends to be how many male-female relationships start out.
Well if that is true, then since I don't have romantic feelings for you (sorry ), you must for me I hope that illustrates the logic fallacy.
LOL Banzai, no offence my friend, you are a nice guy, but I don't and I haven't. lol So there you have it peoples. Neither me nor Banzai have romantic feelings for each other what so ever, so it IS POSSIBLE!
