1. Birmingham

    Birmingham Active Member

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    Cheating on a spouse. How to

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by Birmingham, Mar 24, 2017.

    Hey all. Been a while. I need your help to know how one cheats on a spouse without getting caught.
    I have a story idea that takes place in a small town, let's say about 400 families, give or take. Maybe more.
    Two of the characters are lovers who are cheating on their spouses. All of them know one another. Now, with a lot of people actually knowing one another, how do you do it without getting caught? When you leave your home to do the dirty, what do you tell your spouse?

    Regardless of who the characters are, I would appreciate any thought, but if any of you want to have more background before giving me advice: The particular couple I'm thinking about, I think that he's in his 50s and she's in her 40s, but that could change. At least one of them has a kid or a few kids.

    Now, if anyone was involved in such a situation, I'm totally nonjudgmental here. Any point of view will simply enrich me and would be valuable.

    One of the ideas I had is that since one of the characters is an actor, the other is a vocal instructor, so they have a reason to meet every now and then. I'd appreciate more ideas.

    Thanks!
     
  2. Cave Troll

    Cave Troll It's Coffee O'clock everywhere. Contributor

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    Where cushions are comfy, and straps hold firm.
    Small town, kinda hard to pull off since pretty much everybody knows everybody.
    Best way would be to leave and meet up in a different town, and not be seen together
    doing so. Or they could meet in town at some late hour of the night, and seperate
    before the sun comes up.

    But if they have a reason to meet up, then that is your way into an affair.
    Though it will not take long for someone to connect the dots. So keeping
    things on the DL, are next to nil given your parameters. Work the cloak
    and dagger angle of late night meetings, and the ability to sneak in at night
    without getting caught with your pants down (so to speak). :)
     
  3. Homer Potvin

    Homer Potvin A tombstone hand and a graveyard mind Staff Supporter Contributor

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    Don't forget the cars too. Cheaters get busted all the time by leaving their cars in compromising places. And the digital foot prints. Don't even think of exchanging texts, calls, or emails. Smoke signals maybe?
     
    ChaseTheSun and Cave Troll like this.
  4. Cave Troll

    Cave Troll It's Coffee O'clock everywhere. Contributor

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    Subtle. :p
     
  5. big soft moose

    big soft moose An Admoostrator Admin Staff Supporter Contributor Community Volunteer

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    well the first rule is probably not to admit it on a forum :D

    that aside the others nailed it, they either need to meet out of town and be very very careful, or to have a good reason to be together in town.
    and yes as homer said electronic footprint - either don't use emails etc or use a deniable web address, with pseudonyms so if it does get busted he or she can say "oh no thats nothing to do with me"
     
    Iain Aschendale and Birmingham like this.
  6. ChickenFreak

    ChickenFreak Contributor Contributor

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    I think that using a second phone is a thing.
     
  7. Homer Potvin

    Homer Potvin A tombstone hand and a graveyard mind Staff Supporter Contributor

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    I can barely keep one straight. Phone or woman.
     
  8. DownByTheWillow

    DownByTheWillow New Member

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    It could work if it's officially used as a "job phone" or something like that.

    Also, I think, depending on when this is taking place, some apps have "secret conversations", not sure how exactly that works though.
     
  9. ChickenFreak

    ChickenFreak Contributor Contributor

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    I meant a second phone that isn't officially used as anything, because the spouse doesn't know it exists.
     
  10. DownByTheWillow

    DownByTheWillow New Member

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    Oh, sorry. My bad.

    Yes, that might work even better.
     
  11. Rani99

    Rani99 Member

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    I'd say a second phone, but their spouses could find that too. The best thing is having a secret email account and using it the way that browser history won't show, or deleting it. By the way, do their spouses work? Or go somewhere for a longer period of time? I think those who cheat should leave their home only when their spouses are not around, that way they won't have to think of a story where they are going. Because it's really suspicious every time to do that.
     
  12. jannert

    jannert Retired Mod Supporter Contributor

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    Trust is a huge issue here. I think it would be very easy to fool a trusting spouse. You know ...one who trusts you enough to believe in whatever you say you're doing. However, if your spouse is suspicious, it's going to be hard as hell to fool them. Even if you do cover your tracks, they are still going to be suspicious.

    There are lots of ways to engineer 'meetings,' but whether or not these are practical is another story. And of course if both parties are cheating on their spouses, that's going to double the trouble, so to speak. I suppose a one-night stand would be easy enough to cover up. But a full-blown, long-term affair? Dunno.

    I suppose if you work with the person you're cheating with, it's easy to engineer meetings. But also easier for other people to find out.

    Personally, I've never understood the impulse to cheat—especially long-term. If you are cheating, you're not in love with the person you're married to. So ...why not just leave? Make it easier on everybody, and give your spouse a chance to find somebody else as well.

    I wonder ...do cheating spouses EVER get away with it? Or do they all eventually get caught? It usually ends in tears, doesn't it?
     
    Last edited: Mar 25, 2017
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  13. Birmingham

    Birmingham Active Member

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    Thank you, everyone, for your thoughts. I'd love to hear even more. Basically the story will be around the same day (or two), in one town. It's sort of a must. So even if they had months of meetups in another place or whatever, there'll have to be something that day. Also, meetups some place else might be dangerous too. At some point you talk to a friend and find out that the last 7 time your wife went on a vacation or a business trip coincided with your friend's husband doing the same thing. hmmmmm.....

    I loved the little tips of the little things not to do because they can get you caught. Those are actually rules that maybe you want a character to screw up on at times, if you want a spouse or another character to feel like there's something off and follow that hint to its conclusion.

    As for jannert's last thought, I think that sometimes people are just taken by someone and can't give it up, and they might:
    1. have a conflict, not know who they want to choose, so they don't want to do something irreversible until they think it through.
    2. Want to stay with the spouse to keep up appearances or for genuine fear of a conflict, and have no conscience about doing anything on the side.

    I understand that a person in a relationship would fantasize about someone else, but actually going through with it... I don't know why people do that, and I hope I'll never find out. I don't want to ever find out first hand what it's like to be hurt that way or to hurt somebody that way.

    But as far as writing these characters and these ideas.... Keep'em coming! Thanks!
     
  14. big soft moose

    big soft moose An Admoostrator Admin Staff Supporter Contributor Community Volunteer

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    That's asking for them to find it - you'd be better off just having a single legit phone but making sure that the lock screen code isnt anything the spouse can guess, and thats its set not to show emails or texts on the lock screen.

    Likewise with email, have a seperate webmail account , keep it locked with a completely random password, don't leave it logged in, and delete everything after its read/sent

    Also credit card/ bank records... if you are paying for hotels, meals, flowers etc make sure that your spouse can't view your account on line, set your account to no paper statements, and make sure you burn or shred every receipt so you don't inadvertently leave on in your pocket or lying around for the spouse to find

    ( I have no experience with infidelity I hasten to add, but ive read a lot about crime and espionage and a secret is a secret, is a secret)
     
  15. ChickenFreak

    ChickenFreak Contributor Contributor

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    Ah, but if you haven't always locked your phone, or your spouse used to know your code, they're going to get suspicious when that changes.
     
  16. big soft moose

    big soft moose An Admoostrator Admin Staff Supporter Contributor Community Volunteer

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    My phone locks itself after 30 seconds of inactivity, and requires a new code every six weeks anyway... its not because i'm doing anything dodgy, its just the basic security required on our work mobiles (which in my case is true, but would make a good cover story for a cheater as well)

    Also the other good practice for someone hiding something is to purge your call logs every night and delete texts and emails as a matter of course (remembering to double delete them so they can't be recovered)

    A layered defence is a good defence

    layer 1 - dont do anything to make your spouse suspicious anyway
    layer 2 - the phone is locked with an unguessable code (don't use PI btw its the second most common four digit combination)
    Layer 3 - if they do access your phone, they can't find anything anyway because your webmail isnt linked to the phone and is only ever accessed via the browser (and also has an unguessable password)
    Layer 4 - if they do access the webmail there's nothing incriminating anyway because its set to delete everything on every close down.
     
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2017
  17. big soft moose

    big soft moose An Admoostrator Admin Staff Supporter Contributor Community Volunteer

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    Theres also apps like 'confide' which auto delete all trace after a message is read ... but if you do that make sure you have a cover story for why its on your phone "Oh yeah babe I just use that so that when i'm slagging the boss off to tony he can't see it by accident"
     

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