Hey guys, was wondering if you could provide some feedback on a description of a dagger that's important to my plot. Can you imagine what it looks like based on this description? Can you think of a better way to phrase anything? Thanks. "She set the papers on the table and picked up the dagger. The hilt was elaborately crafted in the shape of a dragon. The dragon’s body and tail formed the grip and pommel of the dagger, each scale meticulously shaped. Its outstretched wings were the crossguard, and its head formed the base of the blade, mouth open in a snarl, as if the blade were emerging from its mouth. Two green stones sparkled from the eyesockets."
I can picture it but I am unlikely to care much about it what it looks like unless it's crucial to the plot. If you describe everything like this I will be putting the book down but that's just me. Some readers like every detail (Game of Thrones) but I find it annoying. Go nuts if you like though!
No, I don't describe everything in such detail. This just happens to be important, so I wanted it to sound right. It's my MC's only clue as to the identity of her real father.
Other than a couple minor edits to it, it sounds just fine. I partially agree with Homer, detailing everything too much all the time is a bit much, the story, emotions and actions are more important. However, this doesn't seem like too much description, especially if it is an important part. I will say though that it kinda sounds like every other cool dagger that's ever been designed in a story. That is, it doesn't sound too original. It also reminds me of one of those cheap replica dagger designs you can get from a novelty store or something. I think it would be better if you described things like gems and diamonds that are set into the hilt, or something along those lines. Still doesn't keep it from sounding like an overused design, but if you have your mind fixed on this, then having priceless gems in it would help. Right now it just says "Two green stones". Just my opinion of course.
MC assumes they are emeralds (they are) but doesn't have the relevant knowledge to know for sure right off the bat, so she initially sees them as "green stones".
Then it's probably fine. My only other suggestion is to edit some of it, This is kinda what I'd do to make it flow a bit better is all. It sounds more like an organic description, and if the blade is coming out of the mouth then that is what's it's doing, no need to say "as if it were". Also, maybe make the dagger jagged or have some design to it that looks like flame, but that's purely a suggestion I thought of off the top of my head, might not be great at all.
I like @Dr.Meow 's rewrite, and I would also remove "elaborately" and "each scale meticulously shaped." You could throw them back in after the general shape is described, but processing that description is enough work, without non-shape-related details.
