The Not Happy Thread

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Cogito, Nov 20, 2010.

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  1. Homer Potvin

    Homer Potvin A tombstone hand and a graveyard mind Staff Supporter Contributor

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    From Deadwood...

     
  2. Link the Writer

    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

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    I really want to stop myself from treating everyone around me like emotionally fragile eggshells. :/ It's just hard to do because I'm naturally an overly-sensitive person and don't want to say anything, or do anything that will inadvertently hurt someone.
     
  3. BayView

    BayView Huh. Interesting. Contributor

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    If you have to err on one side or the other, it's probably best to be too gentle rather than too rough. Right?
     
  4. Link the Writer

    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

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    Well yeah, better to be too gentle. Still, you can be a kind person and treat people like, y'know, people capable of rational thought and opinions. What if I told you I didn't have a lot of male protagonists because I didn't want to offend all women everywhere? That'd probably irk you. That's what I'm talking about: lumping everyone together and painting them with the 'emotionally fragile' brush.
     
  5. BayView

    BayView Huh. Interesting. Contributor

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    It doesn't irk me, but it does worry me a bit. I'd say you aren't at risk of annoying others so much as you're hurting yourself. This doesn't feel like a concern for others, exactly - you must know that very few women in the world expect novels to contain only female characters. But maybe you don't feel confident in your own ability to write compelling male characters who wouldn't be offensive to women?
     
  6. Link the Writer

    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

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    That, or maybe I'm too busy worrying more about trying to please everyone rather than just writing whatever I want.

    Also, the thing about the ladies was just hypothetical -- I don't have a problem writing female protagonists, although I'll have to avoid certain themes and plots as I feel that I wouldn't be able to do them justice, what with me being a man and all. :p Like pregnancy, for example. :D
     
  7. Spencer1990

    Spencer1990 Contributor Contributor

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    Isn't it tiring to live your life constantly walking on eggshells?

    I get being over sensitive. That's really not a bad thing to be, but at what point do you just stop worrying about it?

    You're not an asshole, there's plenty of evidence around this forum to the contrary. Be confident in the fact that you're not an asshole and don't worry so much about what other people think all of the time.

    I used to care deeply what other people thought about me, right? I was terrified about being judged and whatever else. Then, I realized that it's actually none of my business what other people think. That's their business, and I can't do a damn thing about it, so why give it even a second of thought? Now, instead of spending so much time trying to shape the thoughts of other people about me, I focus on shaping myself into a better person. If someone wants to fault me for that, fine. I can't please everyone, but I'm confident in the knowledge that I'm a good person who actively tries to positively affect my immediate surroundings.
     
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  8. Tenderiser

    Tenderiser Not a man or BayView

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    Quoted for truth.
     
  9. Link the Writer

    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

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    Thanks, you two. :) I appreciate that. You're right, all I can do is be as nice as I can possibly be, in both my life and my writing, and if that's not good enough for some people, then sorry. I'm doing the best I can while also maintaining my own sanity.

    EDIT: This is why I got a little worried:

    Got this response in my thread about writing blind characters in a fantasy.

    So guess I'm a bigoted asshole against blind people all because my MC in my fantasy is a blind person who fights with a cane-sword. :p Guess I'm now Donald Trump. "It'll be so amazing, yugely, bigly amazing, believe me. It'll be tremendous, awesome. I'm writing a blind MC who is blind, but can fight and shit. It'll be the shit." <does the weird arm motions he does>
     
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  10. Spencer1990

    Spencer1990 Contributor Contributor

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    I wouldn't even go as far as "nice as I possible can."

    Just considerate. And from what I've seen, you've got that covered...with some to spare. :)
     
  11. Link the Writer

    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

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    True that.

    (I edited my previous post so you'll understand why I'm suddenly acting like this:

    Got this response in my thread (in another writing forum) about writing blind characters in a fantasy.

    So guess I'm a bigoted asshole against blind people all because my MC in my fantasy is a blind person who fights with a cane-sword.

    HEAR ME!? I AM SIMON LEGREE! BIGOTED ASSHOLE EXTRORDINARRE!!)
     
  12. BayView

    BayView Huh. Interesting. Contributor

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    Or you could chill out... someone asking you a question isn't the same as someone accusing you of being a bigoted asshole. In terms of your "trying to be nice" program, try to be nice to people and assume they aren't calling you horrible names when they've just asked a question.

    Yeah, maybe the question was a bit pointed, but you can answer it, right? You can say you're vision-impaired yourself and you think it would be fantastic for kids with vision issues to have another role model. Or whatever.

    You don't need to change your life philosophy because of a random internet question. You're stronger than that. Be you. You're fine.
     
  13. Spencer1990

    Spencer1990 Contributor Contributor

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    I hate the term "catastrophizing" but it seems applicable here, Link.
     
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  14. Link the Writer

    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

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    Thanks everyone. :) I'm feeling better about it now. <hugs>

    Yes, I do have the tendency to catastrophize everything. :p Reeeally need to work on that...
     
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  15. Tenderiser

    Tenderiser Not a man or BayView

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    I think it's part of GAD. I know I often turn off the light to try to sleep and suddenly everything I said to other humans that day seems stupid, and I spend the next three hours worrying about how awful everyone must think I am. Then I wake up and think WTF was I worrying about?!
     
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  16. Link the Writer

    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

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    I think that's exactly it. It's like my GAD takes every little interaction I had with other humans and make it seem like I'm Donald Trump's mini-me clone despite reality telling me how exactly stupid that is. At my worse, I'm clueless when it comes to social interaction but that hardly makes anyone bad. :p Just a wee bit clueless.
     
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  17. Tenderiser

    Tenderiser Not a man or BayView

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    Yep! We just have to remember that, in the nicest way possible, nobody cares about us as much as we do. Even if we DO say something stupid, the other person isn't going to dwell on it for longer than 30 seconds. And also, even people without social anxiety have foot-in-mouth moments and understand that one stupid comment doesn't make someone stupid, and one mean comment doesn't make someone mean. Other people are much more forgiving of us than we are of ourselves.
     
  18. KaTrian

    KaTrian A foolish little beast. Contributor

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    Ah, the age old feud between cyclists and drivers...

    When I used to bike more, I would've never dared ride on the side of a road that has a 60mph (80km/h) speed limit because the drivers will literally murder you -- yet sooo many people do that. :(
     
  19. Komposten

    Komposten Insanitary pile of rotten fruit Contributor

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    I've biked along 90 km/h roads a couple of times. I do not recommend it. It's absolutely terrifying, and it feels like every single car will either hit you or throw you off your bike... :/
     
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  20. KaTrian

    KaTrian A foolish little beast. Contributor

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    I know, right? :( And when I'm driving and there's a lot of traffic, I'm not sure what to do 'cause if I steer closer to the opposing lane (or the diving line) to give enough space for the cyclists so as not to cause a freak gust of wind that'll throw them into the ditch, I'm taking a risk myself. If I slow down and wait for a safer spot to pass the cyclist or several, a tailgater that I'm bound to have -- 'cause you always have them during rush hour -- might speed right into my trunk. That's just the worst case scenario, though, but still...
     
  21. Lea`Brooks

    Lea`Brooks Contributor Contributor

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    Just found out my roommate has bed bugs. Found a dead one in the machine. Saw his mattress is infested. He didn't even seem surprised when I told him.

    I'm so pissed right now. Why does he still live here?
     
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  22. Link the Writer

    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

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    He's how old? He sounds like a small boy the way he acts.
     
  23. Lea`Brooks

    Lea`Brooks Contributor Contributor

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    He's. Fucking. Thirty. Years. Old.

    It's bout time he grow the fuck up. This is my god damn house and the last thing I wanted to do on my only day off this week is deal with this shit. He had to know too. There's NO WAY he didn't know. His mattress has blood stains all over it, so he's been bitten and he's been itching and I guess he thought if he just ignored it, it would go away. Well it's not going to go away. It's going to get worse and it's going to spread and I'm going to fucking lose my shit.
     
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  24. S A Lee

    S A Lee Contributor Contributor

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    @Lea`Brooks Good god, that's beyond nasty.

    I'm pretty sure that considering he's living with you you have the right to tell him that if he doesn't straighten up you're serving him notice of eviction.
     
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  25. Link the Writer

    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

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    Good.


    Fucking.


    God.

    I have no words. Guys can be gross and all, but dear GOD! He's acting like he's a teen living with dear ol' Mommy and Daddy. You don't have to put up with this shit. Slap his ass with an eviction notice, no discussion.
     
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