About Pickles If it weren’t for Pickles, Sour, dilly, vinegar-soaked Pickles, Green, firm, crispy, pucker-inducing cold cucumber Mouthstuffers Long, fragrant, seed-stuffed, cold, chilly puckerizing cucumbers Fine brined jerkin’ gherkin refrigerated cold slick wet slippery seed-stuffed cucumiform fruits Mouthstuffin’ puckerizin’ fruits-cum-vegetables slick and cold from the fridge If it weren’t for them This poem wouldn’t be about anything.
Does pork rhyme with work? Does work rhyme with perk? Porn rhymes with worn. And perm rhymes with worm. And wild rhymes with piled And not pilled, which rhymes with willed. And rhyme rhymes with thyme and time Which this poem is a big waste of.
The Greatest Poem Never Told This is the greatest poem to grace your ears, Such grace! The very sound of this poem elicits cheers, So many cheers. And if I can remember how I wrote it, I'll buy the next round of beers. Good beers! ...Like Keystone and Coors.
Planter warts So calloused So hard So painful to walk on They belong on old ladies and this one happens to be in a bikini
Let the bells ring! Ding ding! Ping! Don’t drink and drive, Or drink and do your taxes, Or drink and attempt a double back flip with a half twist In the pike position off the ten-meter Olympic platform For if you do Your bell will be rung. Dung dung. Pung.
I walk down the street both my feet smitty smack crack and slap. I walk down the stairs both my boots bumbity dump tump and pump I walk off a cliff both my shoes wooooooooooooooooooooooooooshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
JPClyde Cried Walking on a bikini Worn by an old lady Named Elsie Schwartz Who is hard and calloused And covered with plantar Warts
Minstrel dressed thousand years too late tries to woo Elsie Schwartz in his beach court but tempting fate is not love when you have plantar warts
Circuses and Bread; Revel, ye masses! Engage with anything except Anything important. Take from life Everything but lessons learnt. Beg. Adore. Despise! Property! Ownership is key Existence revolves around Taking what you can. Repent, minimalist! You've knowned nothing
Bravo, @Myrrdoch! Not only did you include a not-very-well-veiled political message, but you put the thread title into your poem if you read down the first letter of each line. Be aware, though, that tactics such as that cause the poem to verge away from badness towards goodness, and that's not allowed here!
Totally Useless I didn't know the seas had genders I didn't know the sky was green I had nought, but my chic suspenders Despite the lies I had foreseen I didn't know of rhyme or reason I didn't know that time stood still Knew not that nearly every season Brings more sawdust to the lumber mill I didn't know that rubies wither I didn't know we weren't ancient Was not aware of the snakes that slither Had no clue that we were totally useless
Hopping About I'm jumping around Although you told me not to I'm neither safe nor sound Got mo' than jus' an fews screw loo Can't believe you ain't jumping too Jus' 'cuz you've got work in the morning Doesn't mean you can't kid 'round, boo Doesn't mean you have to be so boring Come throw rocks at traffic with me Let's have some unsafe sex Then we'll drink and drive, you see So you'll forget about the unsafe sex
there once was a pigeon who wished to be a widgeon that he couldn't swimmin was an issue, he just had to duck
"Parfle, fiffle, wuffle, piffle, Odious milquetoast kerplunk. Naffle, spiffle, tuffle, sniffle," - Garrulous Tony le Monk
THE FAT THIN MAN There once was a fat old man Whose abode was a thin old can. One day it was his luck He just happened to get stuck. So he sat and sat and sat And got less fat and less fat, Til he was a thin old man Who dwelt in a fat old can. One night he got lost In a forest of hoarfrost. He fell into a hole And was eaten by a mole. And that was the end of him, The man who was both fat and thin.
There are some flowers over there, They are red, yellow and blue, I like your face. Go out with me, would you?
Toe jam is not bread jam I forgot the rest of these lines So I'll write my shopping list here Onions Green beans Potatoes Note to self: Get the wife some flowers from the backyard, she won't know the difference