1. Vianca

    Vianca Active Member

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    is this okay?

    Discussion in 'Character Development' started by Vianca, Jun 25, 2017.

    hey guys! (I don't know if this goes here or other topic)

    Is it okay for my MC to be witty and "dead" inside. my MC is a teenager, sick of the town he lives in and tired of all of the town activities, his mom is the mayor, and because of that he has to attend the majority of the events.

    So, let's lay down something:

    MC is explaining the setting of the next 4th of July celebrations and other than explaining he is talking to you. as "Well, the 4th of July celebration takes place at "Pine Beach" (to call it something) and people at our town love a good firework show, also who doesn't like free food. am i right? bah, townies.

    something like that. Is it okay?
     
  2. ChickenFreak

    ChickenFreak Contributor Contributor

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    I don't think I understand the question?
     
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  3. OJB

    OJB A Mean Old Man Contributor

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    She is having the MC address us, the reader, and using that to inform us of backstory and such (btw, Vianca, this is called an Apostrophe- a direct address to someone not present in the story.)

    It's not wrong, but your example leaves something to desire.

    Describe what is going on by having the MC express his or her disdain for certain details (like he hates the music, the food, the games etc.)
     
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  4. Vianca

    Vianca Active Member

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    okay, yeah i read it now and it's misleading. okay, my MC is a teenager whose mom is the mayor. so shes obligated to be at all of the towns events and so is he. 4th of July fireworks, inauguration, graduations, etc. but in this moment. he is explaining the setting and activities around the 4th of July celebration. his dialogue is this:

    "July 4th came by and my mother organized a big town firework show at Pine beach. Most of the town loved this event. I mean who wouldn’t, free food, activities for their kids, free drinks. i mean who doesn't like free shit."

    what i don't know is if this is appropriate? He is tired of the activities around town over the summer and all he wants is to graduate and leave the small town life. his personality is sarcastic and witty.

    do you think statements like those describe him as a bratty teen or just an A-hole. i don't want him to be hated.
     
  5. Vianca

    Vianca Active Member

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    EXACTLY. Okay i was searching for the appropriate term. is it a good approach? In your opinion is this a good way to catch the readers attention and connect?
     
  6. ChickenFreak

    ChickenFreak Contributor Contributor

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    I'm getting sarcasm; I'm not really getting witty. I think that you may need more wit/humor for the reader to be engaged. But I also wouldn't worry too much about that if you're just starting to write him; I think that it's hard to put a high polish on a character that you're just starting to get to know yourself.
     
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  7. Vianca

    Vianca Active Member

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    Okay, that is good also, for him to be sarcastic. most of the teens now are like that. a part of me wants him to be a desirable character. to love him. I already like him a lot. As the story develops the story in my head will make him grow up. but since I'm basically starting to expand his characteristics, and i wanted him a little fed up.
     
  8. OJB

    OJB A Mean Old Man Contributor

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    It can be a good way to catch the reader's attention; I personally enjoy the use of a good Apostrophe, but they can turn 'preachy' if you are not careful. They do require some a bit of experience to use properly. My suggestion would be to try them out in a piece and workshop the piece with a request that the Critiquers focus on your use of them.

    -OJB.
     
    Last edited: Jun 25, 2017
  9. Cave Troll

    Cave Troll It's Coffee O'clock everywhere. Contributor

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    Are we having a 4th wall breaking moment. Full story at 9 tonight on channel 3 Deadpool News! :p

    Yes, I will agree with the Chicken Goddess of Logic, it does seem more sardonic than witty.
    Me thinks you need to have him more fleshed out in your mind, before you can effectively
    use him on the page. If you want him to be a likeable character that others will enjoy.
    The more real they feel, the better they are received.

    I have a character in my duology that breaks the 4th wall right off the get go in the beginning.
    Though she is much more of what you would call conflicted evil. And as the story progresses
    the reader starts to fall for this deeply disturbed creature, and even sympathize with her, as
    she fights her inner demons, and tries to be a better person. Though she cannot escape her
    old flights of fancy at times into being sadistic. She does not like how much pleasure that side
    of herself brings her.

    Guess where I am going with all this in short, is are you intending to have more 4th wall
    breaks, or just settling on the one. (I tend to ramble on which can get carried away sometimes. ) :p
     
  10. Vianca

    Vianca Active Member

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    okay. I'm still developing him. but i will take this in consideration.

    :superagree:



    :supersmile: Okay. i will be trying to break that wall. I actually have the whole story down on paper. i'm just passing it on the computer and as I'm editing i keep finding stuff out of place and missing scenery. As well as the characters descriptions.

    Thank you.
     
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  11. ChickenFreak

    ChickenFreak Contributor Contributor

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    It occurs to me that one possible way to make the reader like him could be for him to care about something or somebody. Maybe while he's rolling his eyes at the whole rest of the world, he's always ready to make sure that his sardonic, cranky great-aunt, the one relative that he identifies with, is taken care of. Or something like that. He makes cranky snappish remarks at adorable kids, he kicks over the dog's water bowl on a hot day, but he runs across the street to get a forbidden pack of cigarettes for Aunt Bet.
     
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  12. Vianca

    Vianca Active Member

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    this is so good. A rebel with a soft heart. I like this. He actually has two love interest in the story. One Crazy Multiple personality disorder rich girl and the new outsider. he does have a soft spot for mentally disable people. so you actually did hit a valid point in my story. :superagree:
     
  13. JPClyde

    JPClyde Senior Member

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    Or he doesn't need someone he likes to hold onto. I myself have a dry wit, sarcastic smart ass. Its the coping mechanism he uses to deal with being bullied or shamed or when he feels a moment of hopelessness in his life.

    But his thoughts are valid, he's smart enough to take responsibility when he does something wrong and has genuine moments of genuineness. Its his genuine, authentic, open honesty that honestly I think is what attaches many to him. Because he never is invalid.

    Its simply being able to address people's current problems in this current time and be able to say "Relevant" and "Same"
     
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  14. matwoolf

    matwoolf Banned Contributor

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    I think he sounds okay, and I think you should feel total confidence in mocking civic events and 'dignitaries' - from this adolescent perspective, or any other really...get writing, enjoy it.

    I recall the agony as a 15 year old, being [forced] lined in formal gardens to clap the mayor past the rose bushes.
     
  15. Vianca

    Vianca Active Member

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    Yeah, he absolutely uses sarcasm as a defense mechanism, he is bullied by his peers, because of his mother's status, his best friend and girlfriend was just abducted and he is alone. he is indeed very genuine.




    True. being forced to attend a "gathering" when you clearly hate everyone is a bit annoying. I will continue to develop him. although he matures in the story. Thank you.
     
  16. JE Loddon

    JE Loddon Active Member

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    As long as there is humour to it, and it's not just negative in a bitter way, it'll work.
     
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  17. Homer Potvin

    Homer Potvin A tombstone hand and a graveyard mind Staff Supporter Contributor

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    Is that like pushing the bald-headed monk through the jade gate?
     
  18. Vianca

    Vianca Active Member

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    most of them are snarky comments. his POV on activities.
     
  19. Wreybies

    Wreybies Thrice Retired Supporter Contributor

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    Speaking of snark and people's parent's being mayor... I read your OP and now I've got Bitchin' Camaro running through my head. :whistle: :-D

     
  20. Vianca

    Vianca Active Member

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    um... is that a good thing? lol
     
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  21. Wreybies

    Wreybies Thrice Retired Supporter Contributor

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    I'm old; early 80's punk music (even the funny kind) is part of my youth. As soon as I read that your MC's mom is the mayor, this song popped into my head.

    One of the stanzas in the song goes:

    I ran over some old lady
    One night at the county fair
    And I didn't get arrested
    Because my dad's the mayor!

    I meant it only as a funny connection to my past, but to be more on point with your original question, I think the idea of your snarky MC being "dead inside" is something that would appeal to at least a Gen-Xer like me since in my most rebellious phase, this was most certainly the very persona I wanted to affect and be engaged as. Witty, sharp, but too over the whole thing to actually care. Later came the Goth years (1st generation 80's Goth, not the later bullshit) and I made a small religion of the whole paradigm. :)

    [​IMG]
     
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  22. Homer Potvin

    Homer Potvin A tombstone hand and a graveyard mind Staff Supporter Contributor

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    Wow, Dead Milkmen... that is a blast from the past.
     
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  23. Vianca

    Vianca Active Member

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    haha, great. he is a bit of a rebel and bit of a dark humor kind of dude. lol
     

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