I have recently started my first real project, a fantasy short story, and ran into a problem Y'all might be willing to help me with. At the end of the first chapter, our main character faces off with the leader of the city council. The city exists within a magical glowing barrier and over the years overpopulation has become a problem as well as a shortage of non-renewable materials such as iron; the plans he proposes limits the freedom of the main character too much and he decides to speak up. This whole scene takes place from a third character's perspective, my outline I wrote had me switch to the main character's view and from there he says heretical things which results in his banishment from the city and our chapter ends with the council leader screaming "Seize him" or something along those lines. As I wrote the chapter I realized that when I switched I could only have like 50 or more lines without making it drawn out and boring for the reader; I was running out of content. I couldn't decide if it was worth it, the conflict directly involves the main character and his insight on the matter would be great but with so little coming from his point of view, I am not sure if the shift is worth it or would just confuse the reader. I've wavered on this and still haven't finished the chapter. Any advice? It would be appreciated. Thank you.
I think that shifts in pov need to be justified. My main question is: why is this scene in a third party's perspective in the first place, rather than the MC's? What are they bringing to the table that he wouldn't?
The third party perspective adds a few benefits that I can think of off the top of my head. Although she is not the MC if this were a play she would be called the Female Lead and thus this serves as her introduction; she will be returning quite frequently so we can see the villain's plans unfold in the city as the MC will be elsewhere. She also provides a view of the conflict in the meeting in a different light than the MC. Rather than as an adversary she voices the concerns of the people and attempts to give the city a voice. I could introduce her in the next scene instead but as that is the MC's exiling and will be from his perspective and we haven't seen her before that I worry this will make her just a "Love interest" (which she is) and the fully developed thinking Female lead I imagined during storyboarding/outlining.
Without have seen how you did this, I can't comment on whether it was well-done or not. In general third omniscient should be avoiding, and changing POV within the same scene, which is related, should be avoided as it is indeed "head-hopping". From your OP I kind of agree with your conclusion that this insight may not be worth it in this scene. You might catch it up later in exterior or interior dialogue, how he felt about the confrontation. It's a good insight, but it may not have to happen here, and disrupt an otherwise well-written scene. And later, he can go on about that at length, in another context.
I did a lot of third-person POV jumps for the Doctor Who fanfic in my signature; all I had to do was set aside different POVs with asterisks when I was jumping from one POV to the other. * * * Like this. I also did something in the first sentence of each section to make it clear who the new POV character was. * * * I wrote a YA horror novella (which I am not ready to publish yet) with 5 first-person narrators, and for that one, I opened each section with Character name: in addition to the asterisks at the end of the section that came before.
I only change POV's if it's needed. Normally it's because: The reader needs to know one character's private thoughts in order to understand their motives. One character is not with my MC, and we need to be with them to advance the plot - for example, they're going out on a date. This is across a novel of about 80,000 words not a short story. But I hope that helps you in some way.
Of course I haven't read the story, so I can't tell if the reader will be confused or not if you change pov. But I've read multiple books where it keeps jumping between characters, and most of the time, it isn't confusing. They simply write the name at the top of the page to make clear whose pov it is, or they will use the *** like Simpson pointed out. Or they even used a different font. So as long as you make it clear that you are changing pov, and it is a justfied pov change, then I think it should be fine.
I think switching POV in mid scene/chapter can been confusing, I've read a few books that have done this and I've had to re-read the same page twice to find the point of switch. I think it's easier and less confusing for the reader when the POV switch is done with each new chapter xxx
Even if there's a break in the paragraph, or asterix or what have you? Not having a go, just curious because that's the method I change my POV with, so I'm keen to hear your thoughts.
Spoiler: What I have tried to do As the sun approached midday the people of the conclave began to gather; those who could set their tools down and streamed towards the great Ballaoak, the massive tree granted to the people of the conclave by Mera after the first culling. The tree and the barrier created by the council guarded these people from the dangers of the desert beyond; the Ballaoak’s roots looped in and out of the ground, the massive trunk hovered 2 feet off of the ground supported by the thick roots. The first conclavians had dug out a pit beneath it, installed benches, named it the council room, and declared council meetings open to the public. A general buzz ran throughout the crowd as farmers discussed their crops and mothers chatted about their children’s latest escapades, but one woman walked along in contemplative silence. Her friends droned on around her as they approached the council room. She walked along in a woolen dress that came down to beneath her knees, its impractical yet simple design marked her as one of the conclaves scientists, set aside for the purpose of streamlining all of the conclaves productions and making use of the large, yet limited space inside of the barrier. Today was different, today was... wrong. Most of the crowd didn't realize the significance of the council meeting that they were all streaming towards; the woman did. One of her collogues tapped her on the shoulder and asked, concerned, "are you all right Riya?" Ryia nodded, "what makes you say that sister Chandi?" Chandi grinned playfully and spoke at her usual quick pace "you were slouching, you never slouch." "I'm worried Chandi, this council meeting could prove very beneficial or harmful to the conclave and I am trying to figure out if I can pull the right strings to make the dice fall in our favor." "And how are you going to do that?" Ryia righted herself, standing erect, her mind back on task. "I don't know yet." Chandi laughed which sounded like a twinkling little sprinkle of joy on the world. "That's not something I thought I would ever hear you say, sister. May Sel blind us the day that Ryia has no clue what to do." The friend's conversation was halted by shouts from the armed men of the conclave; Uniformed wards occasionally barked out orders. "Move along, no pushing, watch where you are going." They corralled the crowd through the various staircases leading down into the meeting hollow. Conclavians filled nearly every row of the stadium style seats and a low murmur hovered over the council room. Each person whispered to their friends and friends to their neighbors; there was a sense of unease in the air but no one could quite figure out why. As Ryia and Chandi settled into their seats, apprentices banged on drums and the crowd went quiet; Council members came out through their hallways and settled into their seats on the meeting floor. The eight chairs surrounded a raised dais made of wood like most things in the conclave; each chair was high backed and made of simple design. Ryia scanned the crowd, trying to pick out a face from among the crowd. "Who are you looking for sister?" Chandi asked, her eyes following Ryia's gaze. "One of our few allies in this matter Chandi" Ryia replied. "I know you Ryia, you are looking for Saheil." Ryia kept her voice calm and even. "Yes, one of our few allies." If he was there than his location elldued her; the drums once again sounded signaling the begining of the meeting. The eight council memebers rose to begin the cerrmony, each bowed to each other before one of their number, the high priest Eshan, stepped forward and raised his hands above his head. He called out the traditional blessing to Mera, blessing the meeting, blessing the council members, blessing the conclavians present, and finally asking for wisdom in the following precedings. He then retreated and all the council members once again took their seats. Aariz stood; he was a puggy man with a curling large white beard who wore a simple white cloth shirt with a gray wool cloak. It could not have been comfterable in this heat. "Fellow councilmen, we are gathered today under the ballaoak to discuss the growing concerns from the metal and growth scientists. There are not enough resources within the barrier to sustain both our growing army and our growing population. Actions must be taken to assure the safety and prosperity of our future generations." "Oh no," Chandi whispered under her breath as one of their other, more astute compainions swore an oath that would have made her mother blush. "I thought this meeting was about agicultural and metalurgical appropiation. This could be disastirous." Ryia nodded, "If the dice fall the wrong way it could spell the end of freedom for the concalvians. And if mine and Saheil's suspicions are correct" She avoided a look from Chandi at the mention of that name, "The man spearheading the charge has the priesthood and three-fourths of the council members under his thumb." The proceedings continued, each council member debating against the other. Metal was scarce enough when the Conclave had first been created, but as resources were dug up to create weapons for the ward it became even scarcer. Eshan and his men fought to convince the others and the people that regulation of the ward was the only solution. By bringing the number of armed men down they not only stopped the use of metal for weapons and saved them for other, more valuable uses like door hinges, but they would require for the former wardsmen to surrender their weapons which would return valuable metal to the frail ecosystem. People in the crowd began to be swayed by their honeyed words, nodding their heads in assent but Ryia saw through his plan. "He means to make the ward loyal to him only, cull out those who refuse to live under his thumb." She said angerly, her hands gripping the railing in front of her. "Surely the people can not fall for that," Chandi exclaimed drawing her som dirty looks from those around them. "They are falling for it sister" As the arguments began to draw to a close and slowly the council members who dared to resist Eshan began to fold one by one a voice raised up above the arguing men and the murmuring crowd. "Have you forgotten the traditions laid down by our forefathers Eshan? Will you let the people have a say in their own future?" Eshan turned looking for the source of the voice but could not find it. Ryia recognized it instantly, it belonged to Saheil. "If that be the people's will, so be it," Eshan said reluctantly, "Who do the people elect as their voice?" I hope you know what you are doing Sahiel Ryia thought to her self as she stood up from her seat and yelled out "The people elect Saheil Gour as their voice." Chandi grimaced and rose alongside her sister. "The people elect Saheil Gour as their voice." Others in the crowd began to stand and echo the call, friends, family members, those who looked on the wardsmen favorably, and with each voice, Eshan's glare grew somehow darker and more menacing. He may have the council and the church under his thumb but the heart of the people belonged to Saheil. "The people have elected Saheil Gour as their voice, come down and speak before the council," Eshan said, each word seemed as if it were drawn slowly and painfully from his throat. Good luck you blithering idiot, all our hopes rest on you now. Ryia thought as the man she was going to marry climbed down into the den of hungry lions. *** Saheil’s heart pounded against his ribs as he descended the wooden flights of stairs surveyed the council; Eshan’s eyes followed him down the steps, poison hiding behind the lenses. Only a few of the men look relieved that someone dared to stand up to Eshan, too few. Sahiel set foot on the council room floor and naturally slipped into a military gate, gliding slowly yet erect and proud, to disguise his inner fear; He even managed to flash Eshan a smile as he passed by which darkened the priest’s Hazel eyes. The crowd grew quiet as Saheil stepped up onto the dais, the ward’s eyes scanned the crowd. He picked out Ryia sitting next to her friends; she somehow managed to look even more beautiful with her brow furrowed with worry. Sitting in the front row, in a place of honor, was the conclave’s champion, and Vahein stared at his best friend with a look of betrayal. I am sorry friend. What must be done must be done. Saheil thought, averting his eyes from his friend’s gaze. He again scanned the crowd, collecting himself. He couldn’t out argue Eshan, and though flawed, Eshan’s arguments were well worded and seemed solid to those watching. Perhaps more drastic measures are needed. “People of the conclave” Saheil began, his voice, not deep and yet not shrill, carried out through the meeting hollow. “Each day metal scientists bring up less and less metal from the dirt; each year as our population grows the physical space remaining in the barrier is used up. These things you have heard today are true. There is no avoiding them, and yet the solution presented today is not the only path our people can take. In fact it may be the most dangerous direction, today he allots weapons, tomorrow he allots how many children you can have or how you can live. And why stop there? There is another way, and that way is out there.” Saheil raised his hand and pointed out away from the meeting hollow towards the magical glowing barrier in the sky. “Teams of two who can use the commune can survive making and finding water for—” Eshan stood up and shouted cutting Saheil off. “Blasphemy! You tread on everything we find sacred and holy” Saheil whipped around to face the priest. “You only speak as such cause you fear the truth Eshan.” He lowered his voice so it only could be heard by the councilmen who were now sitting on the edges of their ornate wooden chairs. “Give up your foolish power quest now; we will destroy ourselves before you can rule.” Saheil watched Eshan closely and saw something different in his eyes, fear, and somehow Saheil knew it wasn’t of him. “There is so much you don’t know or understand Saheil. They come and I am doing all I can stop them.” Saheil struggled for a response as Eshan rose from his chair. “I don’t like what I am doing any more than you do Saheil but it is necessary. I would say I am sorry, but I am not. You have been a thorn in my side for far too long.” The high priest raised his deep voice and spoke to the crowd, not unlike this were any other sermon. “Saheil Gour, I find you guilty of contempt, heresy, and treason against the church and sentence you to an exile beyond the barrier for the remainder of your life. May Mara shelter your soul.” Saheil stepped towards the blasphemous man but felt the air around him solidify. Vahein and one of the other soldiers had accessed the commune and bound Saheil where he stood. A wall of air stopped Saheil from saying anything but he watched as guards led Eshan away from the meeting floor, this time it was Saheil with hate hiding behind his eyes. Vahein strode forward and the other man released the commune, ceasing the flow through Vahein which ended the spell. Saheil put his hands up in the air, resistance was useless. Eshan had already won. This is what I ended up going with. This is only my first draft and I am unhappy with somethings but I will fix those later. Just curious on if y'all think it is jumpy or not. Only includes part of the chapter but it finishes at the end.
I only switch POV characters when the plot requires it. I personally have a rule to never change POV characters to explain a characters motives or thoughts. If you write your characters well, readers should understand them whether they're POV or not. Often times new writers switch POV characters to share their inner thoughts for character development. This is a huge mistake and will inevitably leave your characters feeling hollow. Let the reader fill in the gaps to create real characters in their mind. At least thats my opinion.
