first attempt at writing fantasy

So I’ve got this idea for a sort of fantasy thing (which is something I’ve never done before) about a modern teenage girl who (somehow) ends up in a fantasy kingdom. Although so far I’ve mostly just thought up a whole list of characters plus the general outline of a plot. Which goes something like this:


High school student Cassie, walking home from field hockey practice, takes a shortcut through the woods and suddenly finds herself in unfamiliar surroundings. Hearing some voices up ahead she approaches them and sees what looks like a fancy coach being held up by a robber. Cassie creeps up behind the robber and hits him with her field hockey stick, scaring him off. It turns out that the coach is carrying Princess Cristena, only daughter of the king. Cristena invites Cassie to the castle to meet her father, who is so impressed he appoints her to be his daughter’s personal bodyguard. Cassie – now known as Lady Cass – becomes a favorite with King Eldric when she uncovers a plot by his mistress Lady Kilada to supplant the queen and advance her own son (and co-conspirator) Lord Kindan to royal heir. Kilada is exiled and Kindan imprisoned.

While all this is going on, Princess Cristena is busy preparing for her wedding to the ruler of a neighboring kingdom where her father is hoping to develop political ties. But, the marriage is far from ideal; King Artan is a bully and domestic abuser who turns around and starts preparing to invade her father’s kingdom.

Cass becomes close with an officer in Artan’s army, Captain Ylerion, and thinks she might have a crush on him. At the same time, the would-be robber from her first encounter, Will, has a habit of showing up at unexpected times when she is alone, and they become friends. Will takes her to visit his house in the woods, where he lives with his grandmother Jael (who may or may not be a witch) and her servant/companion, a jeweled automaton named Temkin.

Back at home, King Eldric betrayed by Artan, prepares for war. The imprisoned Lord Kindan says he has inside information on Artan and offers to act as a spy in return for his release. The king agrees, and Kindan is released and begins to spy on Artan’s movements.

Meanwhile, Cristena and Cass make plans to leave Artan. While they are making their escape they are caught by Artan, who is himself (accidentally) killed while trying to prevent them. The girls manage to make it out but are betrayed by Kindan. Kindan blames Artan’s death on Cass and then is killed by Ylerion.

Pursued by Ylerion’s troops, the girls split up in the woods. Will goes on the run with Cass while Will’s friend takes Cristena back to her father. Will and Cass first seek refuge with his grandmother, but when they get to her cottage they find Temkin smashed and Jael missing. They get cornered on a cliff and jump off and into a river below. Will manages to pull Cass out, but she’s hurt her ankle and can’t run anymore. Cass tells Will to keep running but he says he’s in love with her and will stick by her. The two of them try to hide but are found out and surrounded by by Ylerion’s soldiers. Ylerion offer her a deal – pin the death on Will and she can go free. Cass can’t do that and gets shot with an arrow, and dies….. only to wake up again back in her own world.
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So anyway that's the basic outline so far. Need some ideas tho about exactly how Cassie gets to the other world to begin with and how she gets back. Also any other problems or issues with the story so far that I haven't caught.

Thanks.

 

This is a big, big no-no for me. I'd find this a very unsatisfactory ending. If she just wakes up, then what was all the rest of the book for then?

Also, it sounds like you have a lot of tractable ideas that you could further develop, which is a good start, but it seems like things are just happening to and around Cass, whose role seems to be rather passive. Maybe try to think of some things that give her a much more active role in the story - such as the inciting incident in which she interrupts the robbery. The rest of the plot sounds like things are just happening around her, rather than being centred on her as the main character (if she is the only POV character, which it sounds like she is).

 

As far as how she gets there and back, you need to establish the rules in your world.

World travel opens up a whole new avenue philosophically, psychologically, scientifically . . . and even though it's a fantasy story, your audience needs to believe the concept you present.

There's the C. S. Lewis way, where characters were drawn in and out through thresholds by the will of Aslan.

There's the Stephen Lawhead (or Celtic myth) version, where there were points in the different worlds overlaped each other and one could travel by performing rituals and ceremonies at said points.

You can do it however you like really, as long as it is believable within the fantasy realm.

 

There are two odd things here. First is Cassie's spectacular impression on the king. Women aren't often bodyguards in medieval settings, and I don't really see how anyone would win such a level of trust after a single meeting. Second, why would someone marry a princess from a kingdom they were planning to invade? Perhaps it could be made to work if she were a hostage, but those are usually taken to prevent war.

This is a little too convenient, no? Seems like a way of reintroducing a character that there isn't any need for.

Maybe it's the first in a series? One of the best ones ever (no spoilers) did a similar thing.

 

I too have a problem with this part. Would it significantly damage the story if he just appoints Cassie to be a companion/lady-in-waiting to Cristena? The fact that the new lady-in-waiting happens to be good at hitting people with a stick might still be regarded as useful; the implausibility is in regarding it as sufficient protection.

 

Maybe, instead of Hockey, she is leaving fencing class (she's a proficient fighter) and uses her skill against the robbers . . .

Just a thought.

 

Actually I had thought about that. I picture her going back and forth between trying to get back home and surviving within her new environment. She does go back to the woods repeatedly to find where her world "crossed over", which is how she keeps bumping into Will. And why Will takes her to meet his grandmother the witch.

W/ regards to the princess - she doesn't actually see Cass materialize... it's like she just comes out from behind a group of trees or something so that from the princess's POV Cass could just as well be a fellow traveler.

 

Please explain?

Well, she does manage to uncover Kilada's scheme and eventually helps prevent a war, so I'm not exactly sure what you mean by passive. Of course, by her being in many ways a fish out of water she does end up just observing and describing events going on around her.

 

That's one thing I haven't quite worked out yet. I had a sort of ideas about "portals" that people step through to different worlds [something maybe Jael can explain]. But the thing with the portals - you don't find them; they find you.... or is that just a cop-out?

[I was also toying with the idea of having another character - Will's friend - who might also be there via portal - to support this idea.]

 

It sounds like a "never mind; it was all a dream and therefore meaningless" ending.

 

I don't know, maybe the king is very impressed with Cass's fighting. She's actually in a pretty unique position because women aren't usually fighters in medieval settings either. Or if they are, then there's no reason they couldn't be bodyguards.

I had to get him back in order to betray Cass (his revenge for her getting him locked up earlier).

 

I was thinking along the lines of the Wizard of Oz or Alice in Wonderland type ending.

Of course when she wakes up back in her own world she might still be holding in her hand something from the other world (perhaps something from Will)....

 

Maybe not hockey, but martial arts instead? She could be taking a short cut home from a karate class, which could have her in the gi also. This would also be a way to impress the king, as this fighting style would not be known to them, and would benefit a girl's smaller stature when fighting men.

As for the end, I imagine she is wearing clothing from that world so she would wake up wearing that, as proof that it did happen.

And if this is intended as a series of books, perhaps she is carrying a powerful artifact that could save the klingdom, or message intended for King Eldric from possible allie. Powerful reasons for her to try and get back to that world.