The Not Happy Thread

You gotta treat your cow better, dude. She's just letting you know she's not happy. Thought about breeding her? Get a bull and stand back. It might just be your surest path to a better cup of tea.

 

Of course! You only get milk from the shes. That would explain why it's so chunky.

 

Yeah, but once you've milked a bull, you've got a friend for life.

 

The hell do you do with milk in your tea?

 

It drowns the taste of the milk.

 

I you need to drown it... just, you know, skip it?

And find tea with a better flavor. I'm going to guess that you drink something along the line of Earl Gray?

Though I'm not sure if you're from England, and I think you need to be born, raised and possible deceased in England to enjoy that flavor.

 

Up north milk helps with seasonal problems. It's cheaper and healthier than supplements, so yeah, probably not a good idea to skip it. I love Earl Gray, I drink it black, but I'm out of Earl Gray, so it's just regular Black, box brand bags of Orange Pekoe.

 

I've always heard that milk is unnecessary for adults, though we drink a lot of milk up here. If I buy it for myself it always go bad, so to me it's cheaper to skip altogether. Though it's heavenly to drink at times. Cold milk and a cinnamon bun. Old fashioned Swedish fika.

I usually drink my tea green. Because I bought in to the whole healthy thing and now black tea tastes bitter. Though green tea is most common in boring citrus flavors, so it's hard to find something good. My taste-buds needs some excitement!

 

Some tea taste very good with milk. Especially the ones with lots of delicious but strong flavors. The milk rounds off the sharpest tones of that flavor, makes it a bit smoother. And it sweetens it in a nice, subtle way. Like strong coffee with milk.

 

Coffee is my spirit animal: strong, dark, bitter, and people generally don't like me without trying to change some fundamental aspect about me.

 

I like my coffee like I like my women; short, white, strong; really sweet but with an edge of bitterness that threatens to overwhelm them.

 

You have a really specific taste in coffee, man.

I prefer not to compare my women to coffee - because the only thing I like about coffee is the smell... and now we know why I'm more popular with men

 

It's okay, I like the way women smell, too. Sometimes.

 

Can I compare them to tea instead?

Hot, sweet and fruity!

Or possible: "All the time, but hey, it's not great for the teeth"

Okay, this is obviously no skill of mine. I should stop comparing people to things I put in my mouth!

 

Coffee is an animal? No wonder so many vegans and vegetarians are so anti-coffee. “It’s bad for you, Kat! Here, have some decaf daffodil turnip infusion, that’ll make Mondays so much better!”

Great, thanks. Can I get a Tide Pod pastry with that?

 

I know right? But it's true, I swear. When I make coffee at home it's three shots of espresso with the same amount of hot milk, and then add Stevia until it's disgustingly sweet. I literally was forced to find a sweetener I liked because I was consuming like 1500 calories of sugar every day.

I really missed making my own espresso though, that one positive thing about living by myself. I can buy actual beans and have real goddamn coffee.

No, quite the opposite! I would contribute to a crowd funding campaign for a book of "Lemie compares people to things she puts in her mouth" .

 

hot, black, and available on almost any street corner.

 

I think that's asphalt you're talking about

Or possibly black tar heroin.

 

Try ginger tea. Grate some fresh ginger root and boil it for ten minutes. Strain the grated ginger out of the hot water. Add a little lemon juice and some honey or maple syrup, and it's a big warm bellysoothing yum. If you want it a bit jazzier, add a cinnamon stick when you're boiling the water.

Fresh ginger has a lot of bite. That's its best feature. It makes for a very opinionated tea. Delicious!

 

Is that a thing people really say?

 

Then you have complimentary monkeys with every flight

 

Not that I know of. I was inspired by a character in Robertson Davies' The Rebel Angels: the very eccentric and hilarious Brother John Parlabane, Ph.D. There's a scene in that book in which Parlabane is ordering dinner at a restaurant, and his order is a masterpiece of excess. It includes "We'll top it off with lots and lots of cheese; the goatiest and messiest you have, because I like my cheese opinionated." It goes on and on from there.

 

Well, aren't we all here with dreams to become published writers?

 

Alas a reference that went over my head. But I kinda like it as an idiom. I like my cheese opinionated, my sausage zealous, my salad apathetic, my prawn cocktail committed and my wine curious. I definitely will say that I prefer my potatoes to be child like, although not to imply innocence or purity.

How do you want your steak sir? Bigoted, but not wholly resistant to change.

Yes, I like this.

Abstract nouns for all the food!

And I'll let you have the idea for a very reasonable royalty