Favorite quote from your main character

Discussion in 'Character Development' started by HollowOwl, Feb 13, 2014.

  1. minstrel

    minstrel Leader of the Insquirrelgency Supporter Contributor

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    It can't stay in! Remember: one of the Big Rules of Writing is "Kill your darlings." This line is too good; it has to go.

    Bwahahaha! :D
     
  2. Iain Aschendale

    Iain Aschendale Lying, dog-faced pony Marine Supporter Contributor

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    I reject your reality and substitute my own!
     
  3. Cave Troll

    Cave Troll It's Coffee O'clock everywhere. Contributor

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    It is from a short I am working on.


    “It truly is a delight to see the gears turning in your cortex,” Fiorya said kneeling next to the strangely armored alien biped,” Should you find me laying face down, please withhold the urge to diagnose my condition or death by prodding me with a stick.”

    “I am partially intoxicated, and did not know how to react to discovering a dead creature docked with my yacht.”

    “Noted,” she glimpsed up at Kalidonia,” None the less it is premature to be sending your stellar diagnostic technique to the medical elite as an academic achievement. However, I can report that whatever it is, it is still alive and emitting a heat signature. We should get this thing to the clinic on deck two, it would be nice to examine it in a much more dignified manner.”
     
  4. Iain Aschendale

    Iain Aschendale Lying, dog-faced pony Marine Supporter Contributor

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    Didn't you put this up already? Or am I reading your brainwaves somehow?
     
  5. Cave Troll

    Cave Troll It's Coffee O'clock everywhere. Contributor

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    Not in the MC Quote thread, either in the Happy or In Which they said.
     
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  6. animagus_kitty

    animagus_kitty Senior Member

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    My MC doesn't have a lot of super-memorable lines, but the characters he finds himself dealing with do.
    "The enemy of my enemy usually makes my job a lot easier."
    "I do admire a man with the guts to threaten the woman holding a gun to the back of his skull." --Spoken to the MC by the woman holding a gun to the back of his skull

    And then there's the description of a kiss between a mortal and a god (I'm quite proud of this, even though it's not an actual quote), where his power is flowing into her:
    "She imagined it was a bit like kissing the sun. She could see the future; she could see the past. Time stretched on like a mountain range, and she could see every peak. There, a brilliance so hot it should have melted here; here, the frozen vastness of eternity. Back and forth it went, whipping her senses."
     
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  7. Albeit

    Albeit Active Member

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    My MC is vocally quiet in my WIP, so he meets and listens to many characters along his path who subtly symbolize what he will become. They are like beacons for the course.

    Here is a quote from a beacon, and the context which spurred it on.

    Older man, walking with cane and having achieved much success back in his day. He limps into the fishstore with his middle aged care taker following approximately three steps behind. She shoots me a smile as the old man looks up to me and requests specifics regarding the various smoked fish in the display. I automatically go into my sales pitch describing the various techniques of smoking fish and from which regions they come from. He listens attentively, nods in approval and asks for 100 grams of the Oven Head salmon, le Roux de Matane along with some maple smoked turbot all the while signaling his caretaker with a simple wave of his hand to settle the bill. She winks at me, tips me in consequence while the old man looks up from his hunchbacked form and says,

    " I haven't been this well served with my pants on before."
     
  8. Iain Aschendale

    Iain Aschendale Lying, dog-faced pony Marine Supporter Contributor

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    Well worth the setup.
     
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  9. Vince Higgins

    Vince Higgins Curmudgeon. Contributor

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    Skimming through this thread, then skimming through my latest work is an eye opener. In film, some of the most memorable moments are associated with great lines; "Round up the usual suspects", "Make him an offer he can't refuse." Without context they don't really have much impact. I the case of the two lines above, from Casablanca, and The Godfather, they invoke the source instantly to the listener who is familiar with the context.

    Here goes.

    Fourteen year old kid is sent to the principles office for mouthing off to a teacher. This particular teacher is a real dick. Principal, predictably sides with teacher and demands respect from MC.

    "What? Call you sir? Try earning it!"

    The real eye opener to me is just how hard it is to come up with that perfect line. I am not really satisfied that the one above meets the criteria. I have written others that I am prouder of. One comes from a non-fiction opinion piece I wrote last night.

    "So. I built and flew [model planes], along with my nerdy buddies. We were real nerds, not the D&D playing, comic book reading hipster nerds portrayed in modern popular culture. The model plane was the most effective "Virgin for Life" pill ever put on the market."
     
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  10. Farzaneelin

    Farzaneelin New Member

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    Jazz: "Ask the dead if fame matters. Their silence, is your answer."
     
  11. Iain Aschendale

    Iain Aschendale Lying, dog-faced pony Marine Supporter Contributor

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    Nice. This isn't critique-space, but I think it would read better without the comma.

    But really nice.
     
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  12. Dermot Titus

    Dermot Titus Banned

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    [Scene: Honey is moving to planet Cadmus II, where she has been introduced to Ginger, who has lived there her whole life. The two fifteen-year-olds are approaching the planet in a Transtellar Shuttle, which is about to enter a low orbit.]
    Honey: "What's that big crack in the ground?"
    Ginger: "That's Tsar Chasm, the biggest canyon on the planet."
    Honey: [Rolls her eyes] "No! It's Emperor Mountain!"
    Ginger: "Ugh! You asked about it on purpose, didn't you?"
    Honey: "Come on. Whoever named it must have had a sense of humour!"
    Ginger: "Don't make me throw you down there!"
     
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  13. Oscar Leigh

    Oscar Leigh Contributor Contributor

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    I don't quite understand.
     
  14. minstrel

    minstrel Leader of the Insquirrelgency Supporter Contributor

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    I read it as Tsar Chasm = sarcasm. It sort of flows from there.
     
  15. The Piper

    The Piper Contributor Contributor

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    My favourite from a conversation with a paranormal investigator in my latest book:

    “Where are you sending him?”
    “Do you believe in Heaven?”
    “Yes...”
    “Well, he’s not going there.”
     
  16. big soft moose

    big soft moose An Admoostrator Admin Staff Supporter Contributor Community Volunteer

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    IMOit would work better if the real name was for a canyon ... like Emperor Gorge... it doesn't really work as a pun if they are talking about a mountain
     
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  17. newshirt

    newshirt Member

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    "Cantrell's ain't paid no whiskey tax since 1792."

    From an ex-Confederate rebel who cooks sour mash in his dooryard, and claims to kill Yankees revenuers with an eighteen inch Bowie knife.
     
  18. WhiteKnight75

    WhiteKnight75 Member

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    I know, I've already posted but I just remembered some more favorites:

    My favorite is probably the increadibly creative profanites my MC screams at his Colonel and the poor Sergeant, who is pouring vodka onto the MC's open wound but I don't know this forum's policy on this kind of thing and I'd rather not risk it...

    The second one is not from my MC but from a conversation that he witneses:
    "Speak the fuck up Blackwood! Can't you fucking talk? Are you mute? Are you always this fucking quiet?"
    "Not always sir, but you would have to get me interested in talking if you know what I mean."
    "I have no bloody idea what you mean."
    "That doesn't surprise me sir."
     
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  19. ShannonH

    ShannonH Senior Member Contest Winner 2023

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    The bar Taryn took them to was located on the main street, squeezed into the middle of a long row of terraced buildings. It was a cramped affair, dominated by a large unlit fireplace with tables arrayed messily around it. The owner, a ruddy face man well into his fifties watched them from behind a long wooden bar top that ran half the length of his establishment. The presence of the Zenith crew doubled the amount of patrons but it did not seem to improve his mood.


    “Still here then.” He said gruffly as Taryn rested her elbows on his bar.


    “Still here,” she answered. “Thought I’d show my crew the enduring hospitality of Holden’s field.”


    The man grunted. “What do you want?”


    “A drink. Surprising thing to ask for in a bar, I know.”
     
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  20. John-Wayne

    John-Wayne Madman Extradinor Contributor

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    Alright, created this one yesterday for Kristol of Ancea.

    "I apologize, that I could not give you a proper honeymoon at this time," said Maximus.
    Kristol smiled as she let off a soft giggle.
    "It's alright, my love. I enjoy a candle lit dinner by a battlefield," said Kristol.
     
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  21. big soft moose

    big soft moose An Admoostrator Admin Staff Supporter Contributor Community Volunteer

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    you don't need the 'said kristol' on the end - the bit with the soft giggle functions as a beat.
     
  22. Oscar Leigh

    Oscar Leigh Contributor Contributor

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    REALITY FIGHT!!:fight:
     
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  23. Oscar Leigh

    Oscar Leigh Contributor Contributor

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    Caleb- "So you're a witch, you talk to dead people, and you are...(gesturing at Aodhan)
    Aodhan- "Aes Sidhe."
    Caleb- 'What."
    Aodhan- (sighing)- "I'm a sodding faerie, alright?"
     
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  24. Cave Troll

    Cave Troll It's Coffee O'clock everywhere. Contributor

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    Something from a short I don't remember starting.


    “I have been a naughty girl,” Londyn says in a smoldering smokey voice taunting him.

    “That you have,” Doug returns in a tone attempting to fit the mood and atmosphere.

    “Mmmnnnn…So how are you going to correct my misbehavior?”

    “That depends on how much you misbehave.”

    “Oh, I aim to misbehave even more now.”

    “I was afraid you would say that.”
     
  25. Night Herald

    Night Herald The Fool Contributor

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    “You still live alone, then? No servants, or..?”

    “Or what? A harem of strapping young lovers?” Rose laughed. “I keep them in their crates when I have people over.”
     

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