What you write is a reflection of you..... or is it?

Don't worry about it. In fact, I like it this way .

 

Now, the funny thing is.... In college, I majored in English Literature, and took a few Topics classes. During my second semester as a freshmen, I took Horror and Suspense. My biggest critique from Horror writer professor (and classmates in the Writing Popular Fiction class) was that my stories weren't "scary" or "horrific" enough. They were engaging, really well written, and real page turners.... but they lacked the "horror and suspense" element.
In short.... I have no idea what I write. I thought my weird/dark themed poems and stories would be a great fit in this class.
The 3 shorts that I've had published by fiction journals since college have all been darkly themed either about or hinting at death and insanity. A woman slowly goes insane haver a miscarriage and starts talking to a pocket knife; a bird watcher who gets lost in the woods trying to photograph a rare black bird and starts thinking about his wife and kids and how he feel's like they don't appreciate him and would they come look for him if he disappeared; a child that haunts a community (not maliciously) but is shown some affection by a new comer who doesn't realize that he's just a ghost. Ok, the last one I'm loosely interpreting because I have no clue what it means or is even about, considering it was a dream I had that I woke up to type in the middle of the night before going back to sleep.... and it ended up being my first work of fiction to get published. They were literally just dreams I had that I put into words.
My family has not read any of these.
My fiance has read them and said the one with the woman and the pocket knife unnerved him.
I don't know.... my subconscious is a strange, strange thing.....

 

I guess this means I like the dual sides of "tragedy"..... my characters either rise from it or are destroyed by it. Which is weird because I haven't experienced trauma or tragedy in my life other than the death of family pets or elderly family members. Especially growing up.... I'd say I lived a pretty sheltered life (my teammates in college said I was "wet behind the ears" and "naive"), so the gravitation toward tragedy kind of miffs me.

 

It certainly reflects how I engage things. Even characters who are utterly unlike me are still, to some extent, a representation of how I see and engage those differences. The one-time anthro major in me says there's no way around this. There is a certain degree and flavor of solipsism in play.

Sure. When I was younger. Most of my work contains LGBT protagonists and love interests (when there is a love interest) because that's a reflection of me; that's what I am. When I was in HS (the 80's) things were different than they are today. Penning that work was still scandalous. I usually kept it to myself.

I got older and more comfortable with myself and in a position where the judgement of others as regards my writing wasn't something that could have an actual impact on my life. That's easy to say, I know, and for many young writers the fear that their writing could cause or invoke some kind of negative action upon them is a real thing. I just turned 48 the other day. It's hard for me to even remember scribbling those stories of boy-meets-boy, hiding the spiral notepad under my mattress, fear of an unknowable yet still daunting repercussion forcing me into hermitage. People still certainly have opinions to give and things to say about my writing that have nothing to do with the writing itself but are only judgements concerning its content. My 48 year-old self just laughs at that and moves on to the bewildering array of other people more than happy to engage in a more productive manner. I know that sounds smug - I know it - and I genuinely don't mean it to be. I present it only as evidence of an evolutionary process anyone can engage and make use of. But like all things in the realm of evolution, time is a requisite.

 

I suppose in a way it does, just not like others.
It is a good way to get out the feelings/thoughts/emotions
that are locked away from the lack of human contact over
the past few years. Not that I expect anyone to pick up on
that bit of fact though, through my works. All the pain,
frustration, and general darker places my mind goes
in a struggle to make sense of things. Or to find beauty in
the grotesque, and the other desires that others shy away
from for one reason or another. What do I care what Joe
Shmoe thinks about me? How could they ever understand
just how messed up someone is, due to all the isolation
and neglect of a world so self absorbed in their little gadgets
and do-dads.

So is it I that is truly ugly for what I write and think, or is the rest
of the world for being so ingrained in the simple consumer
lifestyle? I don't care either way, as long as they enjoy the stories
I create.

 

You must be careful with whom you trust your work. Your stories are like your children. If your child has special needs you wont just hand them over to anyone. Join a critique group. You local writer's guild likely has one. Individuals in a critique group are accustomed to giving and receiving constructive criticism.

 

I recall one experience I had in an online community sort of RP-type thing where I was accused by one person that my primary character was a reflection of my own ambition. Considering said character was a traumatised, sadistic tyrant, I disagreed. The discussion pretty much went nowhere, but I was reminded of it by this thread.

Ultimately, it is entirely possible to reflect yourself in your work. It's unavoidable at least some aspect of yourself will make it in. But just because you write about potentially disturbing things doesn't mean you want them to actually happen. I tend towards the disturbing sometimes. This is largely because it gives me opportunities to develop interesting concepts and conflicts. I prefer to give my worlds and characters different perspectives and attributes than myself. The reason for this is twofold. It helps keep me character when I write and it makes said characters and worlds far more interesting.

Granted, much of my writing is unknown to those I know personally. When it comes to showing people these things I can understand being paranoid over it, and reactions could be rather disturbed depending on the material. However, even if those I know were disturbed by it, I would not stop. For I know it is disturbing and that's part of the point. Writing, to me, is an escape from the mundanity of reality and the pressures I face.

In conclusion, yes your writing does reflect you. But only as much as you want it to. It will reflect your perspectives in one way or another, but that doesn't mean that just because your writing is a bit disturbing that you yourself are messed up. It just means you wanted to write something like that.