The Not Happy Thread

I'm so exhausted from depression, lack of proper sleep, headaches, a dead-end job where it feels like my hard work is abused rather than appreciated, having given up on dreams, ambitions, marriage - life itself - that I don't even have the energy to rant about it.

(Luckily I have a session with a psychologist tomorrow. I just needed to vent and I don't feel like I have anyone to vent to, if that makes sense. Not that venting on the Internet makes much sense...

Edit: Crap, this was probably the wrong thread as well...

 

This is fucking ridiculous. I want to buy some spices off of Amazon Japan. I found them, they're available, but when I tried to login on my desktop, it said my saved password wasn't valid. Ran through a couple different ideas in case I'd changed it from my tablet or phone, but I couldn't get in, so I did the reset password thing, send a code to my email, which, in this case, is a yahoo mail account. Tried to sign into yahoo, and I have the right password, it took me to a splash page letting me know about changes to the yahoo mail system.

There is no way that I can find to get off that brightly colored page to my actual goddamn mail account. I can change the colors, but there's no "continue", "I got it," "Show me my fucking mail before I hop a plane and set you and your entire fucking family on fire codemonkey" button.

Went into the kitchen to check for the reset code on my phone, it was there. Back to the computer, entered the code into Amazon and said I'd like to reset my password. Okay, enter here, copy here, standard procedure.

"There was a problem with your request, please try again."

Hmm, maybe I typoed the repeat, let's be extra careful this time.

"There was a problem with your request, please try again."

What, too short? Not complex enough? Let's try something longer.

"There was a problem with your request, please try again."

What? A third option, with lots of special characters.

"There was a problem with your request, please try again."

The serial number off a firearm I no longer own plus Mrs A's pet name for my reproductive organ.

"There was a problem with your request, please try again."

Smashing my head repeatedly against the keyboard, then copy-pasting the unknown result.

"There was a problem with your request, please try again."

Fuck this game, salt and pepper will have to do.

 

I filled out the form I mentioned yesterday to get more food for the common room, only to be informed that someone else - someone who wasn't even on duty - had done it. I went back to my room and cried. I don't know why it made me cry, I just feel so useless and fed up, like I can't do anything right and no-one trusts me any more. It's not a long-term mental state any more, but my thoughts in these moments can actually get pretty dark. I want to just quit everything - I know I'll fail miserably, so why bother? - and before I know it, I'm asking myself why I don't just kill myself just to get it over with - it's not like I'm really adding anything to the world, and I'm not going to succeed in any of my endeavours, and if I go no-one will ever have to worry about picking up my slack any more. I feel like dead weight, and I have for a very long time.

 

That sucks man. I know the pain of password bullshit too.
Reminded me of this:

 

"My cabbages!"

 

You are adding value to the world, just by being here. Maybe you don't believe it right now, but it's true. I would be heartbroken if you were not on the planet anymore, or in this Forum, for that matter. Many of us here would be.

I believe you can succeed in your endeavors if you believe you can. You are a bright, intelligent, sweet, friendly, funny, likable, and often wise person. That's half the battle. Combine that with talent, drive, and perseverance, and you're golden.

You are not dead weight, E.M. Not by a longshot.

If these feelings persist, please talk to someone. I was there, too. It can get better if you work on it. I promise.

Sending you a big hug, if you like them.

 

So a Facebook friend of mine and a favorite YouTuber I'm subscribed to both made videos saying that they were just diagnosed with cancer.

Jesus Christ, cancer is a fucking asshole. >:[

 

That sucks, little buddy. Hope they can kick it out and get better.

 

When I look back over my life I feel like I’m looking at scenes of different people. I’ve been in different relationships, different families, different places, different jobs... and none of them feel like me. It’s like my memories are things I’ve watched on TV. Then I think about myself now and the situations I find myself in today, and it makes me feel like none of it is real.

Is this normal?

 

Yep. It's called growth and change. I am a completely different person than I was as a child, or than I was at 15, 17, 20, or 25. Examples:
I cannot fathom being attracted to my ex-finance, and I definitely would not put up with the kind of stuff I allowed in that relationship. At 20, I was suicidal. Now, I want to live to be a healthy 110. The kind of people I surround myself with is completely different as well. I've even stopped communicating with some of my relatives and have created my own family from my remaining relatives and close friends.

For me it's not so much that it doesn't feel real...it feels more like it happened to someone else, or it feels like how I imagine reincarnation might feel.

 

All the worlds's a stage. . .

 

. . . i never did get the logic of exits coming before entrances.

 

This morning, I told my boyfriend that I'd like a shoulder pad dress.
He said no.
I was only half serious, but still. (I'm only a little irked, also) If the opportunity ever arises where I can obtain one, I will.
I don't care that the 80s are long over, or that I was barely even alive in the 90's. That doesn't stop me from dressing grunge sometimes, why can't I get a shoulder pad dress?

 

I hope you don't really look to your boyfriend for permission when it comes to what you want to wear. If that's the case, lose the man and get the dress.

 

I don't. I got a choker necklace not too long ago even though he apparently doesn't like them. It's just nice when he says something good about whatever fashion I think is cool. Not so nice when that doesn't happen.

 

Ummm....in my house that would be like telling a dog not to lick his nads....get your dress.

 

Looks like you need a new boyfriend (cough-cough)

 

If you’re looking for his approval to make yourself feel good about what you wear, its time to get a new boyfriend.

 

This....my man from Amsterdam...

 

You go grrl!

 

Long live the shoulder pad

 

My goal is to get one eventually. I don't know what I'll use it for because I don't really go anywhere fancy, but still. I just want to be remembered as the girl who doesn't always dress like everyone else.
It's great to be different! (In my opinion)
(I do have a goal to go to a disco at least once, maybe I can wear it there)