The Not Happy Thread

I have been here. Seriously.

When you come to the point of nothing, go back to the beginning. The very first thing you ever learned, the only thing you have that keeps you alive in any moment, the most important thing in your life, and your first success.
Breathe.
See the cup. Each breath in empties the cup of all the bullshit filling your life, each breath out fills the cup with nothing - the first thing.
The beginning. Breathe and be at peace, until you are at the beginning.
Cast aside what you can't have. Cast aside what you don't want. Cast aside the shit you have dragging through your life.
Breathe. Now there is only one question.

What do you want?

 

The breathing bit is easy enough.
I want my daughter back-same as it was in the beginning of this nightmare. That will never change. Fighting the state to get her back to me is very different, when the professionals involved are incompetent and unsupportive. I've been fighting for nearly 2 years, but I'm no closer now that I was when it started...if anything, I'm further away (got a damning report from a psychiatrist, which put more nails in my coffin).

 

You've reminded me of the film Garden State, Moon.

 

I think it's difficult for everyone at some point in their life. I'm autistic and only recently been diagnosed. I've been stuck in assessment stages for over a year and still waiting for a final stage of acurate therapy. No full diagnosis of the reality of my condition on the autistic spectrum, just that I fit the model (not unusual for adults in the UK to wait for over 2 years for anything more than that). Years before of being passed around on a cycle of label, blame, medicate, discard... Then still my fault nothing works...

Therapy is like shoes, without them every step will hurt. Finding the right therapist is like buying shoes, you have to keep trying them on until the right ones fit. The problem is the system in the shoe shop takes a long time serving each customer... When you get the right ones you'll be ok, I have but they probably won't fit you so just have hope beyond anything. It's not right now, but it will be.

 

I don't know the system out there but I made progress with my last assessment by writing it all down. They can't interupt the written word, they can't wind you up, disregard, dispute or anything. That helped me to deal with it. I don't get emotional, I get severe mental frustration. I don't do wmotion, I process, build systems, interact systems. I don't feel about them. Autism. Knowing I have a pre-existing condition and it being taken into account, I'm nearlly there, well at the begining of the final stage of getting help.

 

I do have a counsellor who I get on with, and I see her every week.
I requested a MH SW, but was told they didn't have one, which was a lie. The guy I asked about it knew nothing about anything. I never see the same person twice either, which doesn't help. My GP is always busy. Think I'm gonna have to move into the town and join a MH forum and a support group too. Grab whatever I can get. If it doesn't work for me, at least I tried it.
Also, there is a writer's group that I wanna join in town.

 

Thats what I mean about everyone being different. In group/face to face situations I fail to function, before autism they called that me failing to engage. But if thats what you feel will work for you then thats what you need. Your own assessments of yourself have led you to that so follow that.

 

I do miss the group I was in back in England, but they had a rule that you had to leave after a year, to allow other people to join. Whilst I get the practicality of that, it's not very helpful for some. Everyone progresses at a different rate, so to turn people away after 12 months when they may not be ready for it is precarious.

 

Someone you care about is a good reason to breathe, and to write.
"Letters to my Daughter" sounds like a cool title.
The blog idea is really good (for me, too).
Remember what you write doesn't fade anymore, it's there for all of us, and her, too.

 

It's all protocol and procedure without any real 'care'. Medical professionals don't have to care, they get paid no matter what. Same as the police, it doesn't matter if they catch anyone, they could be the most corrupt person ever but they will get paid every day until they get caught.

 

I used to work as courier years ago and there was one girl in the office who understood me. I recognised her messages on the scanner by how she typed. I sent back "whats good in your world?" She sent back, "the sun came up and the air is still breathable, 2 great things happen everyday, as long as they happen it could be the greatest day of your life." I still start my day with that, sometimes thats all I get for days but it's a good foundation to build on.

 

This is so true, that it's make me cry.
We need a MH system that is based on volunteers. Then we would have a system that gives a toss about people who are struggling. I already engage with a charity group, and they are a fantastic bunch of people, because they are there for the right reasons-they care and usually have personal experience of these situations.
I wanted to do a charity walk for a suicide prevention group, but me not having any friends was the main drawback, as it meant I'd struggle for sponsors. I am greatly aware of the irony!

 

Does my head in as well, I'm one step from rocking while emiting an error message of "cannot compute" sometimes. Medical professionals can give you ongoing help but they don't care. Samaritans are only there because they care but can't give ongoing help... WTF! It's rediculous.

 

Half answers abound, don't they? Proper diagnosis and meds are important, but 'take your pills and don't bother me' doesn't satisfy, either. They don't cure, so someone has to care. Emotional distress doesn't run off and fix itself, no matter how much others don't want to bother with it. The idea that everybody has to do everything alone just pisses me off, no end.

 

For all the problems social media cause's with status anxiety like facebook. It also offers a somewhat anonymous outlet like this. We could all be in a queue at a coffee shop tomorrow and not even know. Thats why I don't have facebook or twitter. I've been using a mazda forum since I got my car, a pet forum since I got my dog and this since I lost focus on my writing.

The fact that people want a false life through a virtual interface removes real world interactions. But a site like this is full of people airing real problems, my plots flawed, my characters not real, how do you write, I'm lost and I don't know where to turn... You don't get that on facebook or twitter, thats all about look at my hand picked pics that make my night out look perfect. Read my copied status that makes me look good. Like the meme someone else created but I shared.

 

B...

 

I know nothing whatsoever about relationships, but the fact that she's sorry has to count for something, right?

 

I know nothing whatsoever about relationships, but the fact that she's sorry has to count for something, right?

 

I left facebook after being hacked on there twice, and people making heinous allegations about me. It can be a scary place, but my life is a lot better without it. These days I'm addicted to WF instead, but I know from previous experience that I could be a lot worse off than I am now.

That is a good point-FB does somewhat create sheeple behaviour...like we don't already have enough of those! I've been on netmums in the past, but that can be a toxic environment too. At least I feel safe on WF.

 

And going on the walk would put you in touch with other people with similar interests/concerns etc, which could lead to friendships.

 

And it will also have both mental and physical health benefits for you as well.
Healthy body, healthy mind and all that! Exercising has certainly helped me a lot after hitting my lowest point in February.

 

If you drop something and it is damaged, it will never be the same again. Sorry doesn't do anything to repair the object. Cheating in marriage feels the same to me. Sorry means nothing. It's time and commitment that will make or break things. I already told her that if it happens again I will walk out and she will never see me past the divorce.

 

I am on my feet, clapping. Very well said indeed.

 

Excellent. Now, balance the balloon on your nose.