The Not Happy Thread

Honestly, mum's reading your fiction?

That's a tier 2 debate, advanced members...

'I think, actually son, what you should do is write a book like the book I'm reading. It's so lovely and layered, the characters are blended quite beautifully. She was writing in the 1930s, you know?'

'Nnnr, what about my caterpillar?'

'Yes, I wasn't quite sure about your caterpillar, was it a metaphor? Are you a caterpillar?'

'You don't understand me, you slut. Where's my pyjamas? I hate you.'

 

You actually give them a copy, that's the...

..

I nearly ran away with the woman from the 2nd hand bookshop today. 'And here are the local writers,' she said, 'this tiny shelf here...'

'Not all the local writers,' I said, and I flicked my forelock. And my, how my forelock swished against my cheeks of literature. 'Y'know, I'm in the anthologies, honey. I'll be back.'

I mounted my bicycle and galloped across the cobbles

 

damn, this topic should be let down already but it's really frustrating that I can't seem to communicate this properly. So sorry, one last try, then I'll stop pestering you with this.

I don't push it, they do. They say "hey, let me see" and there's no rational reason why not. Nevermind the question if it's a good idea to share a WIP with friends and family, it's about being emotionally able to do so in the first place. I'm not. But I want to be. See, even if I did publish something tomorrow, it'd be under a pen name so they'd never know it's mine.

Sure, there's no need to show them. But you know what happens when you hide everything, for years? Not letting your parents see, nor your friends but always saying "it's nothing, no you can't see"? They don't accept it. They rummage through your stuff while you're at school. They rip the papers from your hands while you're distracted, try to sneak a peek, accuse you of being cold, withdrawn, rude.

I'm not hoping for a specific kind of response if I were to show them, and definitely not praise or the like. I'm fearing a specific kind of response... but it's not "I don't get it" or "it's not good". It's the uncomfortable silence, the alienated glance, the "how can you come up with something like that?"

I don't write nice things. The fear is not that they won't like the writing but that they won't like what they'll learn about me.
The last time I gave in and shared some of those hidden things with my mom it made her cry. Not doing that again any time soon.

 

Coconuts @ Carlys , pt 1

'You, me baby plus Farouque from the gas station - and that amazing pool attendant. Remember, I told you about him, remember?'

'Yeah, from that roof-top pool, huh?'

'Of course...'

'And what's his name?'

'I don't remember his name. Lifeguard, I think.'

'You want me to serve drinks, and address some youth as Lifeguard?'

'Well, why ever not?'

'I'm the lifeguard!'

WIP

 

Got it. In that case, it's very simple: N-O. Tell them you'd rather not, and change the subject. Tell them to respect your privacy. When they persist, say, "This persistence is the reason I don't want to. You're way too invested in my personal thoughts."
Or make a dismissive joke...something like, "Wanna see the bone box at my day job too?" Seriously, family and partners are not entitled to read your work if you don't want them to.

 

@Jenissej you know what I think, and I know what I think, about your writing.
It comes down to trust, and if you feel they just want to get at your stuff, they're unworthy.
You needed validation, and now you know what that feels like. That is the star you navigate by.

 

Was reading an article that led me to a former article on the same...criminal (asshole) and it tore my heart the hell out.

https://www.japantimes.co.jp/news/2018/06/06/national/crime-legal/couple-arrested-death-5-year-old-daughter-police-allege-abused-denied-food/#.W0diNtJKjIV

I can't pinpoint what really got me, but it might have been the poor girls notes. They don't show the notes, but the small description about what's in them saw me.. "cutting onions" so to speak. Goddammit.

 

Liking for the fact that you shared this (I think it's important so we can all keep our eyes open, for prevention), and also liking for support for that onion cutting. ETA: God that poor kid. The idea of the notes got to me too. A fucking five year old writing a notebook of pleas.

 

That is truly horrible and disgusting, and the worst part is the Justice some tried to save this girl but failed.

What pathetic human beings, I know you don't believe in a God, Moon. But I do, and I hope these two bastards get what's coming to them.

 

I had a scare last night where I thought the apartment complex was on fire.

I was preparing for bed when I noticed the apartment smelt off—so I thought I'd wash my sheets, do a thorough cleaning, and air out the studio this weekend.

Within fifteen minutes my apartment reeked of smoke. I got out of bed and checked all my power sockets and everywhere in case something had caught fire in my flat, but everything was fine.

When I reached my bathroom/front door, the smell of smoke was stronger. So I had to throw on some clothes to open it—the hallway suffocatingly smelt of smoke and seemed hazy (but not full smoke itself).

Because the hallway has a fan built into the wall that literally blows air in from outside, I was hoping the fire was just from somewhere else nearby and being blown in as—not unusual—I've heard nearby sirens all evening long.

But I was worried because the only exit option is the elevator, because the staircase literally sets off the complex's emergency alarm and I didn't want to cause trouble if it's not us. But I was anxious that if I got in the elevator and it broke down & there WAS a fire (and the elevator has broken down a few times without emergencies), my cat would be alone in my flat on the third floor with no escape and no one to go for him.

So I threw him in his stroller, grabbed my purse, and decided just to brave the elevator.

No smoke on ground floor. I walked around our entire building—no smoke from any other nearby place and nothing visible around our building.

I went back in and took the elevator to the second floor—elevator was smokey but second floor was fine. Back to the third floor, it was hard to breathe (but I also have sensitive lungs).

A neighbor was screwing with an electrical panel in the hallway and he said he thought someone just was cooking.

Well, I don't know if I buy that, but he seemed so unconcerned that I decided to go back to my place with Namir.

I aired out my room via opening the windows and in an hour felt brave enough to go to sleep.

This morning I have a scratchy cough and the hallway still smelt of smoke—just not as overbearingly.

I'm wondering if someone accidentally burnt something in their apartment and didn't want the landlord to know so they could fix the damage or something.

I remember a candle caught fire to my family's dining room candle—only burned the top couple centimetres with a foot diameter but our house was so smoke damaged, we had to pay someone to do whatever one does to fix that.

But my I have this awful cough and I hope it will just go away with fresh air and I won't end up getting sick from it.

But yeah. Story time with Nobu~

 

@S A Lee I'm catching up on posts that I've missed, so sorry for the super late reply. I've been in this situation, somewhat, with my father. That's when a very close friend of mine said this to me and it has always stuck with me: "Just because they're blood doesn't mean they're family."

I hope you get through this unscathed!

@Jenissej The stuff I write can be downright horrifying, and it's often very personal, so I rarely share it with people I know personally. Don't feel bad that you don't want to share it with your friend (even though you seem like you kinda do). It's your writing, you can do with it what you please.

 

A fire doubles in size every five minutes, Nobu. Next time, pull the fire alarm.

The weird female voice is a text-to-speech app that he was using as he live-streamed this disaster.



Seven minutes and the whole top floor of the house was destroyed

 

Yeah, um, this dude is really bad at life.

 

But I saw no sign of fire itself. The hallway wasn't gray/smokey—just hazy but definitely smelt suffocatingly thereof. I had no evidence of where the smoke smell was originating from or what kind of smoke it was and the investigation of the building took at least 20 to 37 minutes so it seemed I'd find some sort of definitive evidence of an ongoing fire.

I just don't want to be the one to call a false alarm and maybe it was just someone's roast got forgotten and burnt up in the oven or something on the stove caught fire but nothing outside of it.

I'm just as panicky at the thought of causing false alarms if not more so than actual emergencies.

Actually, I'm pretty good in actual emergency where I know something is actually wrong/happening. I've had to evacuate for nearby fires on my ranch before (truck loads of animals) and I've had to put out minor fires before they spread on our ranch before (golf cart's engine for some reason cause the cart to catch fire, etc.).

It's when I'm uncertain if there is an actual emergency that I get anxious & indecisive.

I agree that I probably should've definitely called the authorities/pulled the alarm but I also have this severe panic well up whenever I just think about me theoretically having pulled the alarm and then it all being nothing at all. . .

 

You may never see a flame. Smoldering fires are just as deadly as fires with flames because smoke usually kills people before the flames get to them.

Next time, call 911, The fire department will thoroughly check it out. They want to do this so no one dies. As a longtime apartment dweller in L.A., I have a few stories about neighbors and I calling the LAFD:

Fire in Neighbor's apartment #1: Smoke detector was going off. No flame. Persistent smoke detector sound, then neighbors across from me could smell smoke and called 911. LAFD arrived and broke in to find a smoldering fire. A cat toy batted into the furnace when no one was home caused a smoky fire that caused a lot of wall damage. There was never a "flame" after the cat toy flashed and burned away...only smoldering. The building was plaster and lathe (wooden walls under plaster). The neighbor's call to 911 saved our entire building and the cat who was found hiding under the bed upstairs while the fire smoldered downstairs.

Fire in (Different) Neighbor's apartment #2 : Smoke detector going off and not stopping. I grab my phone, throw on shoes, and start trying to find which apartment it is. Can't see any smoke or flames. Neighbors are passing me on their way out to coffee and lunch and work, looking at me like I'm nuts, but that smoke detector is not stopping. Neighbor from the complex next door runs over, and says they've been looking can't find anything but we all decide to call 911. Just then, another neighbor from next door on a higher floor runs over and says "I smell smoke coming from the place across from me" and says they called 911. Fire department rolls up, breaks in. A lit candle the neighbor forgot to extinguish caught the floor and front door on fire--a smoldering fire with no real flame yet. The fire fighters brought their coughing puppy outside, and I held her while they gave her oxygen and listened to her little chest with a stethoscope. She was fine, thank God.

Incident #3: A few years ago my neighbors and I decided to call LAFD when we smelled a burning rubber smell in the stairwell. We were embarrassed because we didn't want to cause a false alarm, but the firefighters assured us that we did the right thing. They smelled it too and thought there was a fire. They were thorough about checking it out and concluded a rodent trapped in the wall fried himself. The exterminator came a few days later.

 

You're all absolutely right.

And I know now that something was definitely wrong because not only have I ended up with an awful hacking cough but, by 9A.M., I had lost my voice completely.

I may have fragile little lungs sensitive to any odd misplaced molecule floating in the air, but I don't develop persistent coughs & lose my voice hours to nearly a day spent away from the irritant itself.

I'll do better next time.

"I must keep in good health, and not die."

 

Yeah, I told my bf I was putting it off for too long because of a combination of selfish hope and fearing the hole in my heart when I did it.

But I tried to call Dad and she answered, all I managed to tell her is that I passed my first couple of months at the school before she was telling me about how she wanted to do something for my birthday.

I realised them she wasn't interested in hearing about me, and that is not the behaviour of a loving mother. I'm cutting my siblings out as well because they are not well behaved and she will use them as mouthpieces if I don't (she's done this before).

Btw: I'm the eldest, so my birthday is also the anniversary of her entering motherhood.

 

Been going through something similar with my father for years, and I still live with him. Wish you the best.

 

NoGoodNobu (right) and unidentified coal miner​

 

There has been an... event... involving one of my students which is placing me in a pedagogical dilemma. As with all proper dilemmas, there are strong arguments in favor and against every course of action open to me.

I know that's passive-aggressive as hell, but that's all I've got to say about that except I hope to come to a decision soon.

 

I do not envy teachers for this very reason... And the fact that I'd have to deal with students who are like how I was.

Well, and many other reasons.

 

Same to you, it is hard to live with someone who do clearly only thinks about themselves.

The best thing to do is to focus on being the best you you can be. It feels good to know I'm not alone, even here though. Feel free to vent to me if you need.

 

Definitely. It can be tough because they'll do things for you so they can use it as leverage later, or spin things so it's hard to call them out. Gaslighting, the whole sha-bang. I don't know if my dad is a narcissist, but there's certainly a problematic pathology going on. Regardless of how one classifies it, I think what matters at the end of the day is their intentions, actions, and the consequences. And of course that you don't become that yourself. I agree that you should always try to be better than you were yesterday, and to be the best you can in the moment.

The only times he and I get along is during recreational time where it doesn't really matter to either of us what we do, like watching pro soccer / hockey or something. If the conversation becomes about me in some way, well, let's just say I am thankful to be fortunately blessed with sensible stubbornness and rebelliousness.



I've found Richard Grannon's work to be really helpful in healing and dealing with some of these issues. Definitely check his channel out and see if it might also benefit you. No need to buy any of the courses or anything; I've found the videos and streams to be more than I could've hoped for. Understanding your emotions, the trauma, and narcissism really lightened the load for me.

 

I never understood how much a teacher can love the student who wants to stand out from the pack for all the right reasons until I became a teacher.

I never understood how much a teacher can loathe the student who wants to stand out from the pack for all the right reasons until I became a teacher.

I never understood how much it can hurt a teacher to see a student fail until I became a teacher. I will not compromise my standards, but I spend ages double-checking every single point earned and lost by every single student who fails my class, making utterly and completely sure that there's no way they don't belong there.

Matthew 10:29

 

@Foxxx I don't even think intentions mean much, after all, the road to Hell is paved with good intentions but that doesn't make the destination any nicer.

I've been reading Violet Janssen's blog, which she writes under the name of Sweet Violet. It's called The Narcissist's Child. It is a mixture of personal examples, experiences, and very safe advice.