A few years ago I was almost exactly where @Laurin Kelly is - worried about enough success to ruin my anonymity without enough success to guarantee independence. I don't think I ever had the sort of free-floating, existential angst concerns from the OP, though. I don't think I've ever taken writing that seriously. My day job is the one that lets me improve the world; writing is just a hobby, albeit one that I want to make money from!
Same here, people often say - after i have described my latest book to them - 'wow, you're gonna be famous' and I always say, 'Wait 'till you read it!' Rgds
Success seems afraid of me, and remains hidden. The closest I've ever come to 'success' (admittedly on a very small scale) was with a band when I was 18, and the moment when you stop having to LOOK for places to play, and get asked to play was a fantastic one. I think it's that recognition that people actually want you somewhere, rather than forcing yourselves on them until they like your music, or shout at you for being shit. I've never been 'recognised' myself though, so it was a collective success, more than a personal one. It felt good, but didn't last very long as I then left the area and went to University. I think in terms of writing success I would be absolutely fine with it, but if ever asked to do panels or live interviews, maybe a Daft Punk helmet would be required.
Honestly, I've never thought about it. Writing is my passion and I'd love to able to live off of it one day, but I focus on writing stories that I enjoy and that I think just one other person might enjoy as well. If that leads to something further, great. If not, at least I tried. I suppose that doesn't really answer your question, but it's about as close as I can get.
Are you afraid of success is definetetly not a stupid question. Fear of success is the first step away from not achieving any. It means you've reached a plateau and are comfortable staying there. Not having success and being afraid of it, to the point of wallowing in it, or letting that fear control you, is not the way to go. It could make you unhappy. Regarding writing, I write for myself (mostly). I certainly don't feel I'm sabbatging myself. Why would I do this? There are plenty of others w2illing to do this for you. Right?
I'm not really afraid of being successful. I'm just afraid I'll get my first book published and not be able to write another one because I can't think of a good idea that keeps me interested through the many hours of story development.
I think good stories never go out of flavor. From what I've read from you, I think you know how to tell a good story. I do admit to a bit of targeting with my short stories because these publications can have a taste and style that becomes clear as you read them. But more than where I'll send it, I'm thinking about the story. I imagine with novels you target agents and publishers in a similar way and I'm sure they have their tastes and such. But, again, who doesn't love a good story? I bet there are things about your novel that probably balance out or call for those things if that's how you believe your story should be told. That kind of brings me to -- Can or should writers trust themselves? Are we right when it's good? Are we right when it's bad? I'm not telling you to question yourself. It's just kind of a place I've been in lately.
We put a lot of time into our novels. What if all that time I was saying nothing important? I want my novel to echo.
It sounds like you're pretty successful. Were you nervous or question or sabotaging yourself before published or published very much?
I haven't thought about it, to be honest. I'm just focused on actually finishing my main WIP first, but I can see both pros and cons of gaining a large following and becoming a commercial success. Especially in today's internet culture which will see anyone burn at the digital stake for one misspoken word. On the plus side being very successful would mean more money and people reading my work. Eh. I'll reach that thought when I get there. If I get there. Good food for thought though, @deadrats
This is a very hard thing we're all doing. Writing, with a dedication to it, is a big deal. And for me it's a big part of who I am during both my failures and achievements. And for me it does take a hundred losses or more to get a win. And I try so hard, and I try so hard not to make all this for nothing. Recently, I really felt like I wanted to quit writing and told a few of my friends here that in messages. Thanks to all of you who listened. I really want this. I don't know if I want to want this. I think sometimes we just need to say enough whether we really end up meaning it or not. Again, writing is a hard thing and putting work out there is a hard thing. Rejection is a hard thing. And success... I'm not even sure what I mean by success, but it scares the sh!t out of me.
The thing is, if it's 'successful' you will already have sold a few, so you won't have to do promotional stuff you don't want to do, like go on Facebook or do radio interviews, etc. That's the kind of thing authors do if they want to be successful or become more successful. These things are not requirements if you're already successful. So don't be afraid of success. You could be the one in a million authors whose books just 'sell' without them having to do much of a promotion. And you certainly wouldn't be the first successful author who doesn't like to do interviews, and would rather just stay home and write. As you said, don't sabotage your chance of success by worrying about the trappings of it.
I don't think I did any self-sabotaging, but I was nervous that somehow my employer might find out once UTK was was published. So far, so good though. I questioned whether anyone else but me and a handful of folks who supported me would care about my fictional cooking competition, but I got such good reviews and feedback that showed me that many others did! Now that I have two books and a short story under my belt I'm a lot more confident, though I'm still nervous about my publisher accepting my 3rd book. Hopefully I'll hear something soon!
I pretty much plan that what I am writing will be published. That's my mindset while writing, in the back of my mind at least. But I'm not really thinking much about readership or fame. I guess it's all kind of part of success. When I write I can get really sucked in to my story and focus, but I want to produce something professional. I want that acceptance so badly by the publishing world. I want it so badly I will stomp my feet like a child and quit writing. It's not an easy thing to want or try to get. But how can you really just block it out? I've been published in magazines. At least now something about me shows up on the first page when I google myself.
\ You seem like a much calmer person than I am. I feel like I have to be all in or I want no part of it. And all in is just a scary place to be. I'm not writing to change my life, but maybe my writing will some how change other things, small things, make some sort of difference... or maybe not. I just want to pray to a God who might not be real and say, please let my best efforts be worth something.
I totally have angst, don't I? You're another cool one like @Carly Berg. And you've also had a lot of success it seems. I've had a lot of rejection and a little success. And I question myself. I don't know how not to. It's hard to have such little control over things like success.
I'm not sure you have to be famous to be successful. Sure, maybe it would be nice to be literary famous. But I would need to win prizes and publish a lot more and probably novels to get there. There are just so many things I will get wrong along the way. And I can also see how I am myself one of the biggest hurdles before me. Why are you telling people to wait until they read it? Why aren't you owning the success of having a book published? That's a pretty big deal.
Well, I think we would all be fine with being successful, especially in our own ideal ways. You can turn down offers to speak. I don't think that's a big deal. But isn't wanting writing success and trying to get it a big deal on it's own. That's kind of how I feel. And sometimes I wonder if I know how to even do this.
I think you'd have to read the passage to know where I'm coming from. Of course no one wants to thinks they want to screw things up for themselves, but for some reason quitting always looks more attractive than failure. Is the reason you only write for yourself some sort of sabotage? Why wouldn't you think more of your writing?
Yeah, I don't know. I always here people say, "you don't learn from success, you learn from failure." I don't know if I believe that. There are martial arts champions that win young and keep getting better for years, winning and winning. On the other hand, there are people who fail, but aim low and never improve. I feel like the drivers are a love of success or art, and a fear of failure. Success doesn't make everyone lazy. And relative poor results doesn't bother everyone. Why should it? But if you are scared of failure, and it keeps you struggling, when do you get a break from your feelings?
Maybe you need to edit less? If part of the reason you're afraid of writing more of your novel is because you feel you'd ruin what you already have, then the more perfect the previous parts are, the worse your problem is going to get. Maybe the solution is to hold back on the editing. Anyway, i think I have an idea of what you're saying. I have 100k words of my novel and I'm reaching the end - I'm writing the final ending now. I've been working on this book since I was 19 with multiple drafts, some of them completed and edited, and this might be my very first draft that actually works. One I can actually polish up and push out. This novel might actually be finished. And I'm not writing. I think a large part of it is, like you say, fear of success. In my case, fear of no longer having my beloved project that has been with me for so long. I don't want it to be over. I don't know what I'd do next. I have a few ideas floating around but none like this one, none so developed (after 11 years, you'd hope that's the case too, of course!). I'm a fast writer and can churn out an average of 5000-8000 words a week - and I don't mean trash - I mean of a high enough quality that I can let people read it, this on top of having a toddler at home and a part-time job. I'm quick. Right now? I write about 200-500 words at a time and then take a break from writing for several days. Talk about stalling...
@Mckk -- I think it's more of a mental thing than something to do with editing or not editing too much. But you seem to get where I'm coming from. Perhaps there is some comfort in the struggle. Both success and failure could end the struggle. And what if it's just really about the struggle? I don't even know what I'm saying. I feel like I'm all over the place lately.
@John Calligan -- When does anyone get a break from their feelings? I'm productive, maybe even prolific with writing, but I just find it hard to not second guess myself. And with success, I still find it hard not to second guess myself. Did I accidentally have a little success? Will it happen again? Should it be this hard? Why does it feel like it's getting harder? How bad do I want this? How much do I want to work for this? How much do I want to admit to myself that this is really hard and I might not be all that good? The questions of a writer contemplating self sabotage...
@Carly Berg -- Thanks but in the big picture it's no more than a handful of credits in outdated issues at this point. I hope my bio sounds more impressive than that. I think it's hard not to question ourselves and what comes next and if we'll really make it. And that can mean a lot of things to a lot of people, but maybe the line of questioning is the same.
