In a city full of unstable magic, bad ideas can lead to great rewards and the senior students at the Academy of Mages have the worst ideas of all. Merrick Fitzroy, undoubtedly the heaviest mage who ever lived, thinks his particularly bad idea might just change the world and make him rich, provided he doesn’t melt his own face off in the process. Dogged at every turn by guild enforcers, unwelcome guests, and some hideous, unreasonable creature bent on his demise, Merrick plods along the razor’s edge between glory and disaster. Science and sorcery collide in an irreverent fantasy romp that asks all the important questions like, “Who the hell set the school on fire?” (Does this sound like a book anyone would want to read? Any big problems jumping out at you?)
Only based on this description and on the premise it will keep what it promises, I'd read that. Things burning, faces melting, inevitable disaster - sounds fun.
I don't know. Sounds kind of been there, done that. What's the catch? Where's the heart? Where are the contradictions of emotions? What are the stakes? Your story is missing these things. Could you fill us in more?
I've been trying for months to capture the essence of my story in a blurb and this is the best I've got so far. You raise some good points, like the blurb doesn't really promise anything that the reader hasn't seen before. And I suppose on some level this novel really is kind of a same old same old, protagonist launches a harebrained scheme that has a chance to pay off big, antagonists complicate the matter, everything goes to hell and hijinks ensue. But every time I try to work in the fun, unique aspects of the novel (most of which tie into the 'hold my beer' attitude of characters and the extreme perils of the magic system), the blurb turns into this wheezing, bloated thing that gets bogged down in the minutiae. Do I really need to raise the stakes more within the blurb, though? I was trying to set up this death-or-glory-but-probably-just-death quest that he's on, and every time I elaborate on what his quest *is*, at least in abbreviated blurb form, it's just laughable. My problem I seem to be having is that his goal sounds utterly dull as a single sentence (he's trying to develop the world's first weight loss spell and make a ton of money selling it to rich fat women), but within the context of the story it's a humorous quixotic quest for glory and fortune. And also bourbon and hookers. Can you spot any specific text in the blurb that makes you roll your eyes and want to walk away?
Honestly, man, I think this is great. Granted, I have no experience with blurbs (mostly I write short stories). From what you’ve said in the quoted message, yours catches the tone of the work, and that’s fantastic. Keep in mind that not all critique is equal. It’s always wise to consider the source. From where I’m standing, this blurb is fantastic. I would read this book.
Sounds a bit like a crude, Harry Potter parody. And it's "crude" because the blurb doesn't hint at any sympathy for the main character. The last question makes it sound like it's a novel for teen audience but the rest of the blurb makes it sound like it's aimed at adults. Overall, I think it aims quite low and that may limit your audience.
I quite like it, I'd probably read it. I've never read Harry Potter but I've read the first and second book in the kingkiller chronicles and the parts where Kvothe is at the artificer's college are my favorite parts. So I'm into that kind of magic college subgenre or whatever you would call it. I'd like to read more than just a blurb though before saying for sure that it would be something I would read. If you have the idea, maybe flesh out a prologue or a single chapter and see what you think (or see what I think ).
You've done a good job here at providing some sense of what the style and appeal of your story is, giving a sense of identity and not just 'there are things'. But this blurb doesn't suggest to me much depth, doesn't provide much of an indication that you will be tackling complex and meaningful questions or issues. Entertaining comedy and adventure are great and all but a good story needs more of a message.
