That is another thing I'm actively trying to avoid: making the relationship boring or stereotypical. Therefore, I have a question for you and everyone, if you're willing to answer: What makes a relationship fun and interesting, no matter how long its been going on?
'Boring & stereotypical' wins 'hands down' over 'fun and interesting.' Or you blend the two - 'Honey, honey, we're running another marathon!' Dirk reached for the shotgun aside his rocking-chair.
Actually, the best treatments for viral and bacterial infections come from nature. Antibiotics, interferon etc. Not to mention the natural immune system of your body (providing you keep it in good condition i.e. ensuring it has enough natural biochemicals with which stay healthy, which means a good diet full of natural food etc.) Also, the idea of 'fighting nature' is ludicrous. You are nature. You are a part of it. To fight nature is to fight yourself. Unless of course you think you're separate from nature? In which case you're probably suffering from a mild, socially-conditioned delusion. You are nature. Your body is nature. Humans are not separate from or beyond nature. This is just a common fantasy that has led to many problems in the world.
I haven't really read the entirety of the thread, but I've been unfortunate and fortunate in my long-term relationships, and I think the crucial aspect to any long-term relationship is being strong enough in-and-of yourself to understand what it is that's going on. I realise that is vague as hell, but I mean that if you are looking for someone else to be your saviour then you will mostly struggle to fulfil a long-term relationship that isn't toxic and damaging to both. For a long time I found myself angry with decisions made that didn't include me, because I had a need for control over my situation (which, in a relationship, extended to the person I was with). So you made plans, but I might have wanted to spend that day together? The petty mundane things that arise from a toxic relationship cannot be overstated. However, with maturity and time comes an ability to separate singular decisions with decisions designed for the group (or the couple). My journey was that I had to suffer immature relationships (from both sides) to see what went wrong. Someone on page 1 mentioned that your partner, a long-term one anyway, will fill in the deficits we have in ourselves. Opposites don't always attract, but those opposing flaws and strengths allow you to be better as a whole than you ever could be on your own. I can't say I've hit ten years, but I've lived with my current partner for three years and whilst we certainly aren't perfect, and we have underlying issues we work through, it is the ability to rationalise and to work together to fix things that has allowed us to remain stable. We met when I had no income and had to bend the rules just to eat and after a month I moved in (it was a single room, no closed off spaces). Could've crippled us as that's usually too early but set boundaries and ensured that we were constantly trying to develop one another. (I would go and sit outside for hours to read whilst uni work was to be done, and if I was to spend the night playing video games, friends were always available). This distance was vital. Then we got jobs, spent a lot less time together due to long hours and conflicting shifts (I had been known to work 80/90 hour weeks) but we made those decisions together. We spoke at length and even when we disagreed with the outcome, we found compromises on the problems. So there was no issue with the amount of hours I worked, but at the lack of time together - a solution must always be found that makes both parties amicable. We moved together, to a city I didn't want to live in, but in order to pacify me my partner helped find a job that I would love. So a solution was provided to me. I realise this is scattered, and maybe it isn't helpful, but I want to paint a picture of how problems came up and how they were solved. Our next one is that I want to live somewhere else as I have changed jobs recently, and an hour and a half trek each way isn't fun, but because I want that, I will be the one to solve it and not just expect my decision to carry weight because I'm the louder of the two of us. I hope this helped.
I guess it depends on your definition of nature in a given situation; where scientific development contrasts with 'natural' development.
Without spamming, I just want to add that if a relationship is damaging (and I know many loooong-term ones are, and usually have other reasons than love and happiness for staying together) then there must be a plethora of issues surrounding. I like to think that many would want to walk away from it, but maybe most can't. A relationship of true value should make each person better than they would be if they werent in that relationship, otherwise why bother?
The human body is more bacteria than anything else. Which reminds me, my bedsheets are overdue for a wash. https://www.sciencealert.com/how-many-bacteria-cells-outnumber-human-cells-microbiome-science
I agree that a totally logical approach would lead to people walking away from unhealthy relationships, but obviously people aren't always logical. And the institution of marriage, and the vows that are taken as part of it, still mean a lot in many parts of the world and many cultures. Some people take their promises seriously, for better or for worse.
When I panic about things and stress out, he's calming and talks me off the ledge. When things need to get done ASAP, i jump start him into doing it. I'm clean-ish in the sense of I care about where everything goes, and I care that there is a smudge on the counter or dog hair on the couch. He'll just toss things in the vicinity of where its supposed to go. I'm more confrontational, and he's not. He'll derail my whole argument by just sitting there quietly until I've finished, then he'll get up and go about his business. He's also more social than I am. Meeting new people makes me nervous and I get really quiet and basically fades away in the middle of a crowded room. He pulls me out of my shell, introduces me to people, keeps me in conversations until I warm up to the environment. So I'd say its our personalities and habits that balance each other out.
To what has been said, I'll add that long-term relationships will fall into a rhythm, often predictable. That doesn't mean things can't be shaken up, or have an occasional roller coaster ride. Nevertheless, I think an element of predictability is important for long-term success. People don't remain teenagers or young adults forever. Life situations change. Careers, children, responsibility... But with fiction, writing about boring, everyday situations, isn't going to intrigue most readers. Stories are usually about outliers, or non-outliers placed in atypical situations. Or their careers, or established wealth status taken care of, etc. can open opportunities for constant roller coaster rides.
@Cohen - No, your advice is actually very helpful. It gives insight into what sorts of things a couple would have to compromise if they want to make things last. @J.T. Woody - Thank you for your insight. I'll keep this in mind when I'm planning things out. @TWErvin2 - "Things being shooken-up" could be the main conflict of the romantic subplot. I have some ideas on excatly what that conflict can be, and I definitely don't want to use jealousy since that has been used in nearly every romantic-comedy I've seen.
@Andi. Just Andi. What is the purpose of this couple? Are they main characters? Is their relationship supposed to provide drama? What do you hope to get from them?
They'll be the main characters of my second book. The purpose of this couple is to provide a means for my characters to develop. I specifically chose a romantic relationship to fulfill that purpose purely because I thought it would be more interesting to see them develop in this kind of relationship rather than a platonic relationship. Furthermore, the relationship does provide some drama and suspense, but I also wanted it to eventually lead to one character in the couple coping with the fact that he is immortal.
Well, maybe but it's also lead to a lot of good things. In one sense, everything that exists is of nature, which includes people. And it includes fossil fuels and plastic, and yet paradoxically it is accepted that these things are harmful to the environment of nature. In a pedantic sense, everything is nature. But what I mean by fighting nature is that it takes effort to arrive at a positive outcome. So, for instance it is normal to have violent thoughts. Sometimes, it takes effort to restrain yourself. So, you are fighting your nature. You can argue the language there is inaccurate since the impulse to restrain yourself is also of nature since everything is nature. But again, I'm not interested in semantics. You know what I mean. In the same way, a relationship is difficult and requires the suppression of natural tendencies for it succeed. But, my point is that it can be worth the effort if you're willing to put it in. Of course relationships get boring after awhile, but if you put the effort in, the benefit of a relationship will never go away. It's like an investment that the two parties put in together for mutual benefit. If you expect it to forever entertain you, then you have the wrong idea about what a relationship is supposed to be. Along the way, there's a lot of good reasons for a relationship to break down. I'm not saying it's always both parties' fault, or even one of them. But, in a lot of cases -- like in the case of my parents, for example -- if the two parties would just gain some perspective, put in some effort, and be comfortable with their own lives independently of their partner, then almost any relationship can go very well. Are you into Alan Watts, by chance? What you're saying sounds like something I heard from one of his lectures. If not, you should check him out.
Hey Andi. Just Andi. My advice to you is to just write whatever it is that's on your mind because it's obviously in your heart to write it. At the end of the day there's always going to be many different opinions but the way I see it is it's all there inside you to write whatever it may be. Hey, when I was a young teen I used to try and write novels and (looking back) they were all terrible, but I don't regret any of it because it was a passion and I simply loved to write! If I'd waited to get more life experience I would have missed out on a hobby that I loved and I honestly believe that through writing all that junk I actually became a better writer anyway. Yes, some people / authors will say go out and see the world / live a little bit more before you begin writing but that to me seems like an almost cynical view. It's not that the advice isn't good, because it's great, but there's no reason NOT to write at any point in your life about ANYTHING. Seriously. Give it a go, follow the muse and enjoy yourself! Another thing is your 18 (I'm not stalking just seeing where you're at in life ) and obviously very curious about love and relationships. So it's totally normal that you feel an interest or yearning even to explore and write about relationships. And I think you're more than capable of understanding or empathising with people who have had relationships regardless of whether you've had one or not. Like anything else, once you have an experience for yourself you do evolve and grow another side to you but it doesn't make your current situation any less valid. It's like me trying to compare how I am now at 28 to how I was when I was 21... I can look back and criticise my younger self or I can say I was the right person for that time. That's what makes life such a journey. We all change, but we mustn't forget the people we used to be either because they make us who we are (I'm stealing from Doctor Who now!) It's great that you want to write about relationships and I think that focusing in on that subject you will find yourself thinking more and more about having one yourself in the future. It will certainly give you food for thought and it's always healthy to reflect and ponder over these things. Yes, research is good and so is experience but I'm a believer in listening to what your inner voice is saying and just trust it. I knew I loved writing from a young age but I didn't know why. I just knew I loved a good story and escaping into my imagination. It took me a long time to trust it, but trusting what feels right is the best thing you can ever do. It might be that you'll write about relationships again in ten years time and with a fresh perspective, but that doesn't mean what you write now isn't good quality or even true. It will be fun for you to look back on your younger self and see what's changed! You seem like a sweet and sincere people who's very polite and interested in other people. Best of luck
I actually was kinda reconsidering if I should write out this story now, or wait until later when I do gain more experience. After reading your thoughts, I think I'm gonna write it right after I finish the first book. If I look back at it and think it's trash, I can just rewrite it anytime I want. Thank you for your supportive advice. I wish you the best as well.
