Haven't read all the replies, agree with @ChickenFreak from what I have read, but just one thing I want to point out. You said Joran is tagged as the "next Lionheart". I assumed that meant he was the next Richard I of England, who actually existed (and probably where you got the nickname). It wasn't until I read about Leone that I realised you were talking about another of your characters. Given the fact you're basing this world on Medieval England, using the nickname of a famous Medieval English king for a pair of fictional characters doesn't sit well with me. In fact, come to think about it, Joran sounds more and more like Richard 1. Apparently, he never wanted to be king, either.
The name is a place holder until I can come up with something better. Joran does not want to be king at all, he is happy running around with a sword.
Personally? I think that you should take away Jessemen's fighting skills. I mean, does she really need to be able to fight to be a good leader and take back the throne? Doesn't she have an army under her command? I mean, if she were to be "as good as the boys" she would have to train a lot more than them, due to the biological differences between men and women which would make Jessemen naturally less suited to fighting. But then how does she get so competent at leading? People need to train to be political leaders, just like fighters need to train to fight. Yeah, some people are born with good leadership skills; but, even if they were born good, that skill still needs to be tempered by training. Social interacting, political bargaining, the politics of other areas, history that details past mistakes and successes; all of these things and more are things that need to be given time to be rigorously studied if you want to be a truly great political leader, as a princess should be, and you just can't do that if you're using our time learning how to fight. It just doesn't make sense for Jessemen to be able to do both of those things. I think Isabella is fine. Even the whole "laughing stock" thing can make sense if you really want it to. Personally, though, I think that she should have more to her than just looking after one brother and being protective of the other. Why is she a main character? What does she do to advance the plot? I can see how the other would, but not her. She really just seems like a side character to me.
Isabella is a typical self-sacrificing female. I doubt she'd be a laughing stock amongst other women - more like an object of pity. It seems she only exists to look after her brothers. Going on her description alone, she sounds disposable - hardly a main character trait. Jessemen. If she's well-written, she could be the strong female lead you're looking for. If she isn't, you run the risk of just making her sound like a brat who throws tantrums when she doesn't get her own way. I agree with LastMindtoSanity - she doesn't need to both fight and lead. She's raised a princess, she won't be expected to fight, and therefore, wouldn't be trained to do so.
I've read through this thread, and agree with @ChickenFreak on most of her points. However, I also notice that you, @GirlWriter101 , are only 15 years old yourself. This could explain the age thing, in that you want to write for people your age and don't want to get ahead of yourself too far. Nothing wrong with that, or in making your heroes young people. However, do take a look around you in the present day. What kinds of things are 16-year-olds particularly good at? You'll find very young Olympic champions at certain sports (although 16 is a bit young for most of them) so physical prowess at certain activities is within a realistic range of accomplishments for a young person. However, I don't think you find too many leaders of countries or leaders of armed forces that are only 16 or thereabouts. These kinds of skills take time to build. These also require older people to defer to a 16-year-old as a leader, and that's not easy to accomplish. There were kings and queens in medieval times who were very young when they were crowned, but that's because of the way kingdoms were passed down to offspring (usually the oldest legitimate son, or to the oldest daughter if there was no son.) Most of these very young kings and queens were mentored into adulthood by older people who were loyal to that particular dynasty. Many of them were ushered almost immediately into an arranged marriage that cemented their dynasty with another one. A VERY few of them did seem to take on the trappings of rulership fairly quickly, but they were few and very far between. You seem to be creating a cluster of exceptionally gifted young people in your story. Even if they are 'older' at the time of the story, they were still all exceptionally gifted as young people. It will take a lot of work to convince your readers that these people are believable. There are too many of them, and they are just too gifted. This doesn't make them bad characters, but it does make them difficult to believe, and the story will suffer a bit. If your story is going to be fantasy/medieval, I would recommend that you get hold of some well-written history books and read up on some of the young and accomplished people of that era. I would also highly recommend John Mortimer's The Time Traveller's Guide to Medieval England. Its a lot of fun to read, and gives you an idea of what to expect if you were living 'back then.' The Table of Contents includes: The Landscape, The People, The Medieval Character, Basic Essentials, What to Wear, Travelling, Where To Stay, What To Eat and Drink, Health and Hygiene, The Law and What To Do (pasttimes.) You can pick and choose which things to include in your story and which things you can twist a little bit and still be believable. If you're writing fantasy, that means you don't need to stick to any actual person or event. But just to get a flavour of possibilites, I'd recommend that book. Here's a screen shot of the Amazon listing: And good luck. And pay attention to what @ChickenFreak and @Linz and others have told you. You did ask us if we thought your characters were any good. I think we do see possibilities, but we also see very large potential pitfalls related to believability.
I will definitely consider what you have said about Jessemen. I will definitely consider what you have said about Jessemen. Isabella is a major character, not so much because of her story line. But more because she is there so much of the time. Much of her inter conflict comes from a wish to be a mother. Not something that will happen as long as Leone is alive. This wish to leave and find her own way, becomes more and more of a conflict; as hard and often physical violent arguments take place between her and Leone. But the wish to leave is always stoped by her love for her family, especially Leone, and a strong sense of family duty. (I am not sure if this was much of an answer.)
I realize I keep causing trouble, but: While it is certainly common for a woman to stay in a physically abusive relationship, I think that your readers are likely to regard this as an unhealthy expression of both love and duty. I'm not saying that it's not a perfectly plausible action--I'm saying that if you're hoping that the reader will find it correct or admirable, they probably won't. (I'm also not sure who is physically abusing who? Is this two-way domestic violence?)
I expect the reader to be telling Isabella that she is being an idiot, and is letting things go to far. (I know that is what I am telling her.) It's Leone. I in know way mind all of your feedback, I didn't think I was going to get much when I posted.
Isabella faces a problem between her love and g duty to her family, and a strong wish to be a mother. She left a relationship that probably would have ended in marriage, if Leone had not been injured. Her duty to family and love for her brother, made Isabella leave the relationship to care for Leone. At the time she believed the separation was temporary, it would be a year made a little more, before she could marry. Time past and it became clear that Leone needed her for longer. Isabella made the hard choice between love and family, she chose family. (See my other resent post on Isabelle for more information.)
This is actually a pretty interesting conflict that I don't think I've seen before. Looking forward to seeing where it goes.
I am working on the writing, and will post it as soon as I am allowed to. I write out of order, so if you want a particular part let me know. (It would help keep me inspired)
