If it's any comfort, I pretty much grew up feeling like I didn't belong in my own skin. I used to look in the mirror and think "This isn't right," but my mother chalked it off as being self-absorbed. This happened as young as 4.
I don't know. Well, we all learn from each other of course. But I sometimes feel like if you took away the behaviours and communication that I copy from other people, there's no "me" inside. I don't know if this is normal. Yeah, I felt that way too, from around the same age.
I'm sure it isn't. I feel like I have to be careful with these thoughts though, as sometimes I worry that if I allow them to persist I might completely depersonalise. It's happened before, but after not sleeping for 10 days. It's not an experience I am keen to repeat.
Makes sense, for me it was more that if I told anyone they'd never get it. I don't think I was consciously aware of episodes, aside from not remembering things.
I dunno, that seems awfully egocentric. Oh, well that particular experience was as an adult. Last year in fact. I'm completely over that now, but I still have that nagging feeling.
Yeah but part of identity according to the old model is finding a balance between the ego and the id, so being a bit egocentric on occasion isn't a bad thing. (Also according to this model, the ego is the part of the personality that deals with reality and keeps our base desires in check, so I'm really not sure why people consider being egocentric a bad thing)
Hmm true. Maybe I need to spend some time introspecting to figure out why I feel this way. *sparks up a joint* I don’t think it’s considered a bad thing per se, but if you’re too egocentric too much of the time, you focus only on your own reality and desires and forget that yours over lap with other people’s.
Confession: I often have this battle in my head where, one part of me says "Man, I wanna be a dad" but then the other part says "Do you really want to bring an innocent into this? Do you really want a financial Tsar Bombaby aimed at your bank account?" and it all goes away. I suspect those thoughts arise from the depths of my mind due to age. On the brighter side, I get to be the worlds best uncle. I know its true cause my niece with her limited perspective on the world told me so. ETA: I should've said "Launched" instead of "Aimed." ETA version 2: Fixed something that bugged me.
That's when we have to start working in the Super Ego. Or basically our social conscience. And I say spark 'em if you got 'em. Only another month before it's fully legal here.
I sometimes feel like, despite liking both musicians in their own ways, I'm the only person on the planet who doesn't find the Johnny Cash cover of NIN's Hurt all that amazing. Too much Leonard Cohen I suppose. (fan-made video)
Confession: I cannot listen to this song without it getting stuck in my head for a week. So, even though I'll place it below, I won't listen to it. Not until I watch the movie its from, anyway.
I will say Splitterore/Extratone makes me feel sick, after about 15min. Pretty sure it is worse than white noise.
Confession: Every time this one neighbor calls his dog, I seethe with anger and have to hold myself back from marching outside to yell, "Yo! asshole! If you call your dog with kindness instead of yelling his name with impatience every fucking time, he won't think he's in trouble and cower away from you!" The guy isn't a hitter, but he's huge and intimidating--especially to a small dog, and the poor dog always just stands there looking unsure what terrible thing he's done to get yelled at. Then the guy calls the dog a moron. I've dogsat that dog many times. He's a fantastic dog and is far from a moron...Very far indeed. And he always comes running to me the first time. I hate people!!!
When I was in Korea, there was this ROK Master Sergeant in charge. Had a dog, he'd play fetch with it. Throw a stick, the dog would go get it, he'd call the dog back and hit it until it dropped the stick. Then the dog didn't want to play fetch anymore. I'm not a dog person, but I'd throw the stick, call the dog, grab the stick, and pet it until it dropped it for another round. He didn't like that the dog liked me more, so he'd call it over and kick it.... Some people.
This might be pretty dark but just wanted to get it off my chest. During the time when my dad was working in a large farm in pakistan. I was approached by ISIS, i didn't know they were and they were extremely nice to me. As a teen i would talk to them everyday and they would share with me their dreams and the tragedy out there. One day, one of them Syed was his name told me he wanted to take me somewhere special. To a mosque to learn more about his side of islam. I almost went with him and he told me he felt i was ready to become an ardent follower. I told him i was still a devote Buddhist and while i am really interested in learning more about culture i plan on converting to be a muslim. Syed didn't give up and spent a whole hour convincing me to come but i didn't and it was extremely hard to shake him off. He continued to follow me from a distance and i got suspicious and i started to look up on him i never really bothered till that point and i discovered a number of particularly violent people he was connected too with profile pictures with guns and crescents and a large number of them from iraq and syria. I decided to take a de-tour and hide in my friend's cafe for a while and from there i managed to lose him and avoided that route forever. He never found me again and months later he was arrested as a terror suspect associated with ISIS.
In 2003 me and two friends decided we would construct a fake body and hang it in the woods on Halloween to scare 16 of our friends. The idea came to us after listening to our friends complaining about how nothing really scared them any more and that they were completely bored by Halloween traditions. It seemed like a idea seemed good at the time and instead of thinking on to what could go wrong we simply stopped there out of willful ignorance and made out plan. The forest we chose was perfect for the job, we knew it well, we scouted, we planned and we executed. The body was formed from chicken wire that had been moulded over our own bodies to ensure a realistic shape, the clothes pilfered from a friend. I am a huge believer in 'photos or it didn't happen' so here is an imagur album for you to take a glance at. The head was eventually covered in a pig blood soaked bag and the hands covered in rags. After constructing the body we placed it in the woods in a cunning location at the end of a natural path through the woods, this way we only had to put people onto the path and they would lead themselves to the body, this avoided us having to guide a group directly to it and cast suspicion onto ourselves. After around 3 or 4 hours of us all sitting around a fire drinking and smoking we decided to take a nice Halloween night walk through the woods, of course letting the girls lead the way with their torches. After around ten or so minutes of a gentle walk along the path one of the girls torches caught the hanging body in the trees above us and several of the group including me gasped (even knowing what I was about to see did not prepare me to see it in situe in the dark and illuminated only by torchlight). What happened next was that one of my friends girlfriends hyperventilated, another of our group ran, panic stricken into the woods and the upon realising they were alone in the woods began to scream bloody murder, another of the group completely lost it and began demanding to know if it was a joke and promising that if it was he would hit the perpetrators, a sure way to get people to own up. Two of the more level headed girls asked around to see if it was a joke and then, to our horror, she called in the body to the police. Now, the woods we had chosen, unbeknown to us, was under the jurisdiction of three police constabularies, this meant that when we managed to get back to the car park there were five police cars waiting, police men and women milling around taking down number plates and noting anything out of place. After some conversation between the police it was decided that two of us would accompany three officers back into the woods and direct them to the body. I volunteered myself and the other would be the girl who called it in. I had underestimated how difficult it would be to find the body again in the dark and it took us around an hour and a half before one of the officers broke down, admitting to me that it was his first night on the job and asking if I would give him a cigarette to calm his nerves, moments later one of the other two decided he was calling in a chopper to look for heat signatures. This woke me up, we needed to find the body and establish it was fake so this whole nightmare could come to an end. The Helicopter never turned up, perhaps on more important duties, and within about ten minutes and with my renewed focus we found the body once more. Not once during the entire night had any of us revealed to anyone that this was our doing and later on that night at around 4am when the three of us had finally regrouped we left voice mail messages with each and every one of those people confessing our part in it. Around half of those people never spoke to any of us again. I don't regret it, it was one of the most exhilarating nights of my life, but I can't help but wonder how badly it would have gone if we had stuck to our original plan of hanging several child sized fake bodies.
I have only just worked out how to take a screenshot on my dino-top. It will automatically make a copy for me to paste somewhere, but it doesn't give me the option to save it straight off.
According to the article I read, when you press the windows key with the print screen key, it is meant to ask you where you'd like to save the image. My dino-top doesn't do that. But I can paste them into paint or similar. Doesn't make much difference really, as it's still handy to know.
