True story: I once, in this lifetime, in this universe, in a different location dissimilar to my current one, ate a cookie. A chocolate chip one at that. Fresh from an unseen oven.
True story: I was walking down the street in what is generally considered a good neighborhood in the Bronx, New York. I was with 10-12 friends, most of them girls. I was the only one who hadn't been drinking that night because I was driving. My friend (who was extremely drunk) decides its a bright idea to pee on the lawn of a house without saying anything to any of us. All I remember is him running past all of laughing while saying "I just peed on some guys lawn and he came out of his house". The others, clouded by their conversations and their intoxication, did not seem to make anything of this. My jaw dropped. "HE CAME OUT?!", I yelled at my drunken, lawn-peeing friend, who was already around the corner. I turned around. The first thing I saw was a short, heavy set white guy running towards us, with a beer bottle in one hand, and a pistol in the other. He was no more than 10-15 feet away. I walked up to him and put my hands up. " YOU PEE ON MY LAWN KID", he said, waving the gun in my face. "N..No.. sir I swear I didn't", I muttered back. He continued to accuse me and I walked into the street, away from my friends (they were in basically a line, so if he fired, he would have hit several of them). After a few seconds, most of my friends had turned the corner, still oblivious to what was going on. One, however did notice, and came to my aid. "I'm gunna blow your fuckin heads off both of you", the man kept repeating like a broken record. We slowly paced backwards until we were at the corner. By now all of our friends knew something was up. They had stopped just after they turned the corner. Two of them came back to see what was going on. "HES GOT A GUN, RUN!" Yelled one of them. All my friends ran and it was just me left. The gun was aimed directly at me, at point blank range, if I ran he could have easily shot me. I continued to walk back. " I am so sorry sir, it was my friend he was drinking and it wont ever happen again" I said. " IM GUNNA BLOW YOUR FUCKIN HEAD OFF" he yelled now louder then before. At this point I was at the end of the street, right before the corner. He stopped. He stood there starring at me as I backed up. I turned the corner and ran faster then I had ever run before. I got away.
Wow this is shocking. It sounds like the wild west. I am guessing this happens quite often people just pull a gun for any reason. People's lawns are private property but to get a gun just for that is crazy. Did your friend learned a lesson?
^Well, Kevin's story went a lot differently than a similar experience I had. My friends and I were going for a walk around a subdivision late at night, a little drunk (and too young to be drinking; maybe about 16). One of my friends thinks it's a bright idea to piss on the tire of somebody's car. When he's done, and we're all laughing away, my friend suddenly stammers "Oh shit- we gotta' go. There's a guy there. He totally saw us. We gotta' go." And sure enough I look at the house the car was parked in front of, and there's a guy standing on the porch smoking a cigarette not much more than thirty feet from where we were, just watching us as we stood under the streetlight. Didn't say a thing. Didn't move at all except to fiddle with his smoke. Just stared at us. Not really in a creepy way, but more like he'd just had the biggest sigh of his life, and was completely disappointed in our generation. We ran all the way home and nothing happened.
It is pretty rare to have a gun pulled on you (although this is one of two occasions I've had one pulled one me [The other trying to buy pot from a sketchy guy who I was told was legit] ), especially in New York where the laws are strict (by the way, that guy could have gotten 10 years for what he did, regardless of whether he legally owned the pistol). Unfortunately I don't think my friend learned much, he still drinks excessively and I wouldn't put it past him to do this again.
On my 21st birthday, in 1991, my crew of friends and I were in Amsterdam looking for the infamous red-light district. We wanted to see the ladies in the "shop windows" displaying their "wares". We were spectacularly drunk, having spent the day in the Heineken museum/brewery and drinking all the beer one could drink for an hour and a half after the tour. This was a standard part of their gig at the time; no idea if they still do that. Did I mention that we showed up for the tour already drunk? Well, did. So, back to the red-light district. We never found it that day. What we found instead was an alleyway where we got mugged by a number of fellahs (no idea how many - I was plastered) and then meandered our way back to the youth hostel where were staying. I had already spent all the gilders I had on me that day, so all I lost was an empty wallet. My friends didn't fare as well. They lost a non-insignificant amount of cash. Tada! 21st birthday, blind drunk, mugged in Amsterdam. That was me sorted.
That reminds me of a few of my sorties whilst *slightly* under the influence. But one occasion comes to mind. It was my 18th and I was in switzerland again (for the first time in like 10 years). I went out with a whole bunch of friends from primary school I had not seen for years. Naturally, we got absolutely plastered with multiple drinking games and no small amount of coitus. Anyway, after leaving this bar at about midnight we stumbled across a frozen fountain. It was the dead of winter, about -17C outside and we didn't care. Anyway, one of us (i wont say who. ehem.) had the brilliant idea of trying to tap dance on the frozen fountain because that seemed like a good idea at the time. I went first, managed to trip and faceplant on the ground. I was so drunk I just laughed it off. The next guy went, and the most spectacularly set of events went off that landed us in a whole set of troubles. Firstly, he was doing was he thought of tap-dancing whilst drunk. (event when sober it's difficult, but anyway). he tripped and fell off the fountain and straight onto a cop that had come to ask us what we where doing. Naturally, the first thing that came to his mind was insult him for being in the way and proceed to piss himself - and on the cop before passing out on top of him. We all finished up at the police station, smelling like booze and piss whilst being miserably cold and with no small amount of injuries. He got to sober up for the night at the station whilst we had to walk back home because by the time we could leave the police station, the public services had stopped. So a nice little 2 hour walk was ahead of us....
It's hard to pick just one. Actually my next book is going to be a compilation of all my true stories most of which happened under the influence of one thing or another.
