I know what is like. On that instant, all the good ideas come, and then when start writing, is like all went away
I agree with @Carly Berg , that you should seek help/intervention. It is most troubling to see you making such statements, and we care about you, and don't want you to believe in all this negativity towards yourself. I hope you will feel better and think better about yourself.
Now, now, it is a rich environment to be made fun of, and can be quite entertaining in it's own right. You just have to accept the bad with the good, and go about your day. After all you have to worry about #1 first, since that is you, everything else comes second. So turn that frown upside down, and find the good in the madness that is life.
Don't lose hope, my friend. Your life is very precious, plus those who do try to do you harm, seek help so you can have someone who you can speak about your situation. Don't think about negativity in your life. Don't let negative thought going through your mind. Instant write something or watch series you like. We here to help you, so my friend go live your life with full happiness
Seconded @EstherMayRose . You are very loved /cared about/ thought highly of / around here, E.M., and having known those "old friends*" of yours too, I'm sending you good vibes, and a hug if you like them. *Always remember that those "old friends" lie to you, steal from you, cheat you, and try to mindfuck you, so keep a close eye on them.
I've had a conversation with my mummy via Facebook messenger and she agrees I should get counselling. I'm going home for Christmas on Saturday so it doesn't seem worth doing anything now, but over Christmas Mum's going to help me with my GP registration form (I need details like my exact height and weight and the dates of vaccinations I had when I was a baby) and then I can see about getting a referral.
Normally, in open world games or RPGs oh, I have a tendency to ignore the main story, usually because I don't care about them. And what drives me up a wall, is when I have to progress through the main story to get to the cool stuff
Counselling really does help. It gives you a whole set of new, shiny tools to throw at destructive thinking. I did some counselling through a program called 'craving change', because I was eating my misery. This resulted in obesity, borderline type 2 diabetes, and blood pressure issues. It showed me how I was stuffing all those ugly emotions down into myself, and self-medicating with pizza and cheeseburgers. I learned how environmental cues might trigger these emotions. I lost my Mom when she was 42 and A&W was a place we'd visit, anytime I would get into a car and if we drove past an A&W I would crave their teen, onion rings and root beer. Didn't even really matter if I were hungry. It was a heart hunger that can only be solved through meditation on what my belief system holds for her future. I stopped craving the teen burger and all its friends shortly thereafter. Now, if I enjoy one, it's not because I'm linking my loss with a need to eat. It's because I actually want a teen burger! Another thing it did for me, it helped me catch mid thought the scripts I was reading to myself on a daily basis. Example, I was standing over the sink at work, washing my hands, looked up and the thought 'God you look fat and ugly'. I grabbed that thought right there and said 'Not today', and I looked for a time longer and thought you know, 'I have really beautiful eyes, I don't think I've ever seen anyone else with quite this shade.' Now, I have always, always, always had an issue with self-esteem, even when I was 135lbs and drop dead gorgeous, I was an insecure person. I was never one of those ugly people who hurt others, but I just didn't believe I deserved any good things. I also had an IQ of 165 (not from some random internet test, but rather from school-wide testing), but you know what, I never for once believed I was smart enough, or good-looking enough or 'enough' period. Counselling helped me reframe this thinking and even though I'm not always kind to myself, at least I'm not whipping myself mentally each day with thoughts that I'm not worthy of living. I don't know who you are Esther May Rose, but I hope you find yourself, and I hope you love the crap out of yourself because the world doesn't have another you.
Doesn't you uni offer a counselling service for students ? That aside on the GP reg form just guess, no ones going to check the dates if you know which year it was that's good enough (All they really care about is that you 've had the jabs) likewise with height and weight just put an approximation - they'll measure them at your first appointment and update the record anyway.
Don't be upset, my friend! Think about your favourite show, your favourite stories. Your life is too beautiful for you to be upset.
If I slip on the snow and ice today I know I won't be able to get up. I'm just so, so tired and have about zero motivation to do anything. Can I has weekend, plz?
So it turns out my ATAR score wasn't that great. I'm not upset about it but my dad went fucking mental when he found out. Accused me of slacking off even though my individual study scores were decent and my end of year report didn't have a bad word against me. So now he's gotten all fucking aggressive toward me even though he didn't even finish high school. I'm tempted to tell him to go fuck himself because I'm tired of his shit but I'm scared he's going to kick me out.
Yeah, I want my son to be better off than I was, too. But he doesn't know what he wants. At 16, I'd give him a car and a few grand right now, if he could convince me that he knew what he wanted to go after. Alas, he doesn't get it. Come upon 18, and I'll give him a car and a few grand, and tell him to go figure it out on his own. Either way, he'll have my blessing. I'd much prefer 16, there's more time to parlay that few grand into quite a few grand. I'm still trying...
So, Wednesday night I got no sleep at all. My dogs were either sitting at the top of the stairs growling or charging up and down the stairs barking (we’re talking better than 400lb worth an avalanch of dogs on close to 100 year old stairs). I just read in the news about a woman who was confronted by three men who broke into her home, about a block and a half from me. They woke her up when the knocked over her Christmas tree, she thought it was her cat and went to investigate. When she turned on the light, there they were. The article wasn’t specific about her injuries but they beat her bad enough that she was hospitalized. She is expected to be released before next week. I know this sounds a little on the selfish side, and I do feel for her and her family, but I can’t help but wonder if that’s what my dogs were so aggitated about- if those same three ass holes had been eyeballing my house.
Either that, or their dog ears could hear the commotion. A block and a half wouldn't be far at all for dog ears to hear something amiss in the neighborhood. Either way, you have very good dogs.