Mental Health Support Thread (NOT for giving medical advice, or debating)

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Scattercat, Sep 8, 2008.

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  1. jim onion

    jim onion New Member

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    Yeah, I watch Richard Grannon and he covers NPD and gas-lighting in some of his videos.
     
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  2. Shenanigator

    Shenanigator Has the Vocabulary of a Well-Educated Sailor. Contributor

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    Thank you so much for posting that. He mentions a few points some others don't, and one of them was the exact thing that had me questioning whether or not the person I was dealing with was a narcissist. Um, yep, most definitely. They just disguised it better to manipulate people.
     
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  3. paperbackwriter

    paperbackwriter Banned Contributor

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    Ive seen a few of his videos and he has actually responded to some of my comments which made me feel rather special. :)
     
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  4. paperbackwriter

    paperbackwriter Banned Contributor

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    Ive finally graduated from "grass is always greener" personality syndrome. I'll usually find the next step is worse and make me regret leaving the previous situation. Im talking about work here by the way.
    Im definitely a "better the devil ya know" person in regard to work now. If you are a little bit happy at work, stay there for gawd sake! There are so many nightmare scenario workplaces out there, its not funny. In fact, some of the places, it truly wouldn't surprise me to discover that some would rather suicide than work there.
     
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  5. jannert

    jannert Retired Mod Supporter Contributor

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    That lesson took me over 50 years to learn. I wish I had learned it a lot sooner. Would have saved me a lot.
     
  6. jannert

    jannert Retired Mod Supporter Contributor

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    I've been reading over the last few pages of this thread, and I have something to say to you. You already write VERY well.

    You have the knack not only of expressing difficult ideas and intangible issues in a way that others like me can understand, and you come up with creative ways to do it. Some of us work years and don't get to the level of self-expression that you're at already.

    I'd say you haven't been wasting your time. You've learned something over the past month. You've learned that you need other qualifications to get into that particular writing programme you were aiming for. (I don't know if you've told us what programme that is, so I'm shooting in the dark here. If I'm not making sense, well ...that's me not making sense again.)

    So...is there a way you could get those qualifications? Or, if you realistically can't, is there another programme you could aim for? Were you wanting a degree in Creative Writing (official recognition), or were you just wanting to learn more about aspects of writing itself? If it's the latter, there are lots of resources out there to help. Is there any particular aspect that troubles you?

    As I said at the start, I think you're already streets ahead of many of us. This paragraph is a good example, especially the illustrative summing-up in the last line. That's creative and effective. :)
    By the way, while I know you're not a fan of anti-depression medication, you could give it a try. You have control over this. If it doesn't work, or you start to feel unwell or out of control, then you can stop taking it (after getting medical advice about how to do that safely.) It's not an irreversible decision like a vasectomy or a tattoo! :eek: It might not help to change your overall perspective on life—as you suspect—but then again ...life is full of surprises. :)
     
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2019
  7. Tenderiser

    Tenderiser Not a man or BayView

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    My mental health has been SO much better over the past few weeks, coinciding with my Christmas break from work.

    I like my job and it doesn't generally make me anxious, so at the moment my theory is that I've felt better because I was getting as much sleep as I want/need.

    The only problem is, to get the kind of hours I think I need, during the working week I will have to go to bed at 8pm...
     
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  8. jim onion

    jim onion New Member

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    Hey there jannert, thank-you for the kind words! I can humbly agree that I am a good writer (although, as they say, never stop learning and improving). My bigger concern is the art of storytelling, and how to integrate my writing ability into that. That's where I know I'm weak. An author needs to be a capable writer and storyteller. Ideally I would like to have some fiction published some day.

    To answer your questions, at the time I was pretty upset that I couldn't get into the writing program because it was just so unexpected. I gave it some thought though and figured out a new plan. That's kind of how I work; I don't like back-up plans because they encourage me to procrastinate or opt to do the easier thing. Just human nature. I agree with you that the time I spent working on material for the application wasn't wasted, because it was still good, dedicated practice, and helped me build better habits that are oriented around my passion and goals.

    I'm going into a journalism program / going for a degree in journalism at a different university that I got accepted into. My approach to writing would most easily be comparable to Hemingway or Orwell, and I mean that in the strict sense of being a writer of non-fiction as well as fiction. I suppose this applies to many, if not all, writers to some degree but those two names are the first ones that come to mind, probably because they're personal favorites of mine.

    The writing program I couldn't apply for was a graduate program, except the *graduate* part was quite obscured for some reason. If I wanted to I could apply for it after completing this journalism program. That'd be several years down the road however, so I'll cross that bridge (or not) when I get to it. Not sure if I'm going to double major or not, and I'm not sure if my "secondary" degree is going to be in Creative Writing or Literature.

    In the meantime I've got a reading list I shared in my blog on here. I made it with the purpose of "read what you want to write" in mind. I'd consider that part of the "other resources" you mentioned. I also intend on taking a look at books on the craft of storytelling. Reading them won't give me a set of directions that I can simply follow to "success" or whatever, but I think they'll get me asking some of the questions I don't even know I should be asking, and making my approach to fiction more informed.

    And practice practice practice. I think I'm paraphrasing here: Ray Bradbury said you can't write 52 bad short stories in a row. I hope to write close to a short story a week this year.

    ---

    I have taken anti-depressants before. The first time was in high-school. I was on them for most of my senior year. I don't remember what it was off the top of my head but it's one of the basic, less aggressive / less potent medications, and in one of the smallest doses. You know: how responsible psychiatrists do. Anyway, that actually worked very well for me. I don't remember having any problems and it was hardly ever on my mind. The worst thing it might've done was make me *really* laidback and quiet, even indifferent. I came to find out after senior year that a lot of people thought I was just high as fuck all the time lol. I don't smoke weed. I had to explain to them it was the medication. I tend to be a very shy and quiet person in certain environments like school anyway, but it definitely exaggerated those qualities.

    Point being I've had good and bad experiences with anti-depressants. There are a lot of factors involved. Needless to say it's complex. I just like to propose that there is an alternative route to medication, or that there is a middle-road where you can take medication for a period of time while you go to therapy and learn more about yourself, the world around you, and how to curb depression with positive behaviors. And then you can wean yourself off the medication because you've built an arsenal of methods to combat depression by either getting out of the downward spiral, or preventing that downward spiral in the first place.

    Cognitive reframing helps me, for example. It blew my mind that for all my teenage years I had no motivation because I had no confidence, and I had no confidence because my mind was so fixated on failure and what could go wrong. So in other words, only half the equation. I have to remind myself to not only wonder, "Why can't I?" or "Why won't it work?" or "How could it fail?" This, as far as I could tell, was skepticism that didn't check itself before it wrecked itself and turned into cynicism. I remind myself I need to look at the other side of the argument: "Why *can* I?" and "Why will it work?" and "How will it succeed?"

    The questions we ask ourselves inform the information we gather and observations we make, and that informs our actions.

    Therapy also taught me a lot about how I got to where I got. Not because my therapist was telling me why and doing the work for me. Rather, by talking with me and knowing what questions to ask, our conversations mutually benefited both of us, and I learned more about myself by basically walking myself through my past up to the present. It's a long story, but having no faith (in the raw sense, not "religion"), no hope, falling into meaningless cynicism and nihilism...

    As they say: "Yup. That'll do it."
     
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2019
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  9. Alan Aspie

    Alan Aspie Banned Contributor

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    You are welcome.

    Did you notice that there are 45 videos?

    https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCIELB1mz8wMKIhB6DCmTBlw/videos

    Being able to recognise patterns that are common in unhealthy level of narcism can help you to live a good life. And it can be very helpful in internet boards.

    But... If you are good to identify narcissistic patterns, you become instant threat to every narcissistic person. And you might know what that means...
     
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  10. jannert

    jannert Retired Mod Supporter Contributor

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    I'm quite relieved to read all that. And to learn that the reason you can't get into the programme you wanted is simply because it's a graduate programme, and you haven't obtained the initial degree yet. Sounds like you're taking steps to make the whole thing start to happen, and good luck with that! I actually think you have a good attitude altogether. You seem clear-headed and clear-eyed about what depression can do, and are taking steps to work around it, using methods that work for you.

    Storytelling is a great thing to work on, especially as, instinctively, we already know what good storytelling is. If that makes sense. Rediscovering what makes a tale gripping or intriguing or memorable is a bit like coming home. If you enjoyed stories as a child, and into adulthood, you already 'know' what makes a story work. These perspectives just need to get pointed out every now and again, with the focus on writing.

    One of the best books I've read recently on storytelling (and other things) is the recent book of essays by Phillip Pullman. Entitled: Daemon Voices : Essays on Storytelling. I found it fascinating. It didn't necessarily go where I thought it would—but then again, neither do his books. Some of it is slightly repetitive, as it's more or less a collection of speeches he made in various places, as well as articles he's written. But even so, it's well worth a read.
     
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  11. Alan Aspie

    Alan Aspie Banned Contributor

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    I have had a terrible time. But I am also bloody strong among hard issues.

    It started in 29.10 because of something. Let's call this something X.

    Soon after that my mother was taken to palliative care. It lasted a bit less than 2 weeks. I spent as much time as I could beside her dying bed. It was hard.
    - You know what is going on. It's a emotional roller coster.
    - When you are in a same room with a dying person for hours and hours... you breathing starts to simulate her breathing. It is very difficult to avoid. And it becomes very hard. Try ten days and on average many, many hours per day if you don't believe.
    - I could not avoid X.

    Then mother died.

    Then I had to do a lot for funerals. And I could not avoid X.

    Now there are incredible many things to do - connected to mothers dying. And I can't avoid X.

    But there is a real hope that after few months I will be able to cut everything that forms any kind of connection between me and this thing X. It will cost me a lot - in time, in stress, in writing, in money... But after that I might have a life of my own.

    For you to understand the stress level that this X makes: More than ten times more than dying of my mother. And we were quite close.

    And the stress connected to this X is very, very, very long lasting. It is a bloody miracle X has not killed me (via taking away the will and ability to stay alive). It sure has tried almost everything possible.

    I find studying things related to narcissistic psychopaths helpful.

    I find walking and aggressive upper body exercise helpful. (I just can't do it much because of right hand being not good.)

    I find concentrating to things and persons close to me helpful.

    To me this is more of a situation and a well being issue than mental health issue. There is a strong element of that, I know. I just find it helpful to thing this as a situation I must and will handle.

    Here you have 12 more.

    https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHroLoZjqNuAea9Ws2XhdhA/videos

    I' have been unable to write fiction for more than 2 months because of X.

    But I have been able to study & write. I take notes. I don't need complex thinking in that. That is how I take care of my momentum in writing just now. It helps.

    Just now 84 pages and 24 694 words of notes. (In Finnish. It equals about 32 100 words in English.)

    I suppose I will soon study more about Complex Trauma Disorder and Projective Identification that narcissistic psychopaths sometimes do.
     
  12. jannert

    jannert Retired Mod Supporter Contributor

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    That's a heavy personal history you've experienced. Life can be very cruel and cold sometimes. Leaving you to wonder where feelings even fit in.

    I like that you've personified the situation as "X." That takes away any preconceived notions about it, and makes it personal to you.

    I wish you all the best. You seem to have a grip on what it is, and you are taking sensible steps to deal with it. I hope you get useful and meaningful help whenever and wherever you ask for it. But ultimately, the most effective help probably comes from whatever your inner resources are. Yours seem formidable and determined and not self-pitying. Good luck.
     
  13. Alan Aspie

    Alan Aspie Banned Contributor

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    I like the attitude jannert is having here. Thanks.


    1. Yes it is. Still this is nothing compared to my childhood and adolescence.

    2. Yes. But even then it is life.

    "Try to know what you don't know. Try to understand what is hard to you to understand" -kind of attitude helps to struggle.

    3. I don't wonder that. My feelings and my emotions fit in my life. And I want to share them with those people who seek the value in those emotions and feelings.

    4. There are not much Finns here. But still I don't want to tell that X equals... something.

    I can't tell anything about this without having something to point. X is enough.

    I don't want to go to blaming games or victim-hierarcyhy signaling or.... There is something that is emotionally very hard. At this level it either breaks you or kill you.

    But I'm like that Biblical clay pottery. I get broken. And then I get put together again. And then broken. And then put together again... That is a hard road to walk but you get tough.

    5. Thank you.

    6. I have studied that topic more than 20 years now and then. And I do it more and more. I know what is going on.

    7. Yes.

    But I don't limit my choices to sensible steps. If forced outside sensible area of life, I'm able to operate there too.

    8. Books & videos. Talking with few very close people.

    9. I think God is the biggest help. Inner strength and other inner recourses... way after that.

    Determined and not self-pitying... Well... I'm autistic person from Finland and alive & well after huge amount of things that don't much help staying alive.

    You can get broken, but you can't stay broken and you can't burden people that rely on you too much by being broken too long.

    Fix yourself and go forward. That is my type of being determined and not self-pitying.

    (The ugly side of that is that I'm not very tolerant to whining self-pity self-martyrdom me-me-me type willing helplessness.

    I never anybody. I am ready and willing to help somebody to help himself/herself, but I don't help anyone to stay helpless.)
     
    Last edited: Jan 9, 2019
  14. flawed personality

    flawed personality Contributor Contributor

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    I have noticed something of late, which I believe may be connected. Late nights=less cooking. I know late nights mess with my emotions, and I have been feeling somewhat lower too. My schedule isn't back into full swing either. 2 out of 3 of the groups I go to aren't back yet, which means I don't have a reason/excuse to go out. I am trying to save money, so I think I use that as an excuse to stay in too. Why can I never seem to find a middle ground with anything?
     
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  15. flawed personality

    flawed personality Contributor Contributor

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    Trying To Work When You're Depressed:

     
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  16. flawed personality

    flawed personality Contributor Contributor

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    [​IMG]
     
  17. ThunderAngel

    ThunderAngel Contributor Contributor

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    Not sure if it applies, but sometimes I have auditory hallucenations. I also have a very synesthetic brain: I taste words and sounds, experience color-personfication and flavors, auditory-tactile sensations etc. Synesthesia is not considered a mental-health issue, as far as I know, but I sometimes wonder why I developed so atypically.
     
  18. Some Guy

    Some Guy Manguage Langler Supporter Contributor

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    All I know is the male brain severs hemispheric connections at some point in pre-natal development by testosterone. Insensitivty would probably result in a completely different path system, synesthesia, perception. I imagine ancient individuals like this as oracles, shamans, prophets...
     
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  19. ThunderAngel

    ThunderAngel Contributor Contributor

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    That's an interesting point about the oracles, shamans, and prophets, I can't recall ever making that association. My synesthesia isn't as strong as it was when I was little, but it's still quite potent at times. One of the most intense memories it gave me was when I was going into kindergarten and I was taken into a room with many different colors on the wall; it actually nauseated me and sent my nervous system into turmoil; the input was just too much to take. This makes me glad I've developed a bit of filtering with age so it's not so overwhelming.
     
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  20. Alan Aspie

    Alan Aspie Banned Contributor

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    Auditory hallucinations sound worrying. But... Test it. Is is imagination. (Are you "hearing" your thoughts?) Is it over sensitive hearing? (If you have for instance 20dB oversensitive hearing you bloody well hear what other people don't. And it is not hallucinating but having one sharp sense.)

    Synestheti... How strong? Just a hint or overwhelming or...?

    As an Aspie.... Most interesting people are atypical. All, absolutely all people in any top of some area are somehow atypical. (By definition. Typical and on the top is an oxymoron.)

    [Autism is also not a mental issue. It is neurobiological. But if someone in Internet does not like what I say and have no arguments I get strong hinting to the direction of me being a "mental case". That does not tell anything about me. It tells a lot of those who do that.]

    Partly you are what you are. Partly you become what you decide to do and think. Take what is good and cultivate it no matter about large groups and they opinions.

    Seek to whom you can identify yourself. If you can't find needed kind of similarity near you, use books, films, songs... We all do most of our self reflection through others. But... Don't try to seek for identities and identity groups. Seek for your self, your inner essence, your true core. Identities are a traps. You can drown to them.

    Write about painful and difficult things. Write so that you can leave them behind.
     
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  21. Some Guy

    Some Guy Manguage Langler Supporter Contributor

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    A higher order brain is a resolution engine. Recognize when it is generated and craft it into a scene. You have the opportunity to describe the feeling of magic or phenomina, the flow of it, a living presence, not a thing or mechanical process. You are inside the thing that others only imagine the exterior of. Resolve it into that instead of fearing it. Remember The Circle. I described it. You hold it from the inside. It is pure thought, unresolveable, but it can be expressed.
    Share it.
     
  22. minstrel

    minstrel Leader of the Insquirrelgency Supporter Contributor

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    Oh, wow, man. Are you sure what you're smoking is legal? Because damn.
     
  23. Some Guy

    Some Guy Manguage Langler Supporter Contributor

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    "If I gotta tell you, you ain't nevah gonna know." :D
     
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  24. ThunderAngel

    ThunderAngel Contributor Contributor

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    I love this, thank you. :)
     
  25. Some Guy

    Some Guy Manguage Langler Supporter Contributor

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    Run with it! :D
     
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