Are you Gay?

I'm wondering if I'm totally missing the point. Maybe the issue of what I call 'diva-ness' isn't so much about a gay man wanting to project as a woman (which I find confusing)—and (in my opinion) focusing on stereotypes about women. Instead, maybe it's a statement like, "HEY. I am NOT a heterosexual man. I am letting you all know that I am 'other' and I am eager to play with all the possibilities that 'other' offers me."

 

I could easily see that. It could also be a role many people feel they have to explore as a part of their sexuality. It could even be what a lot of men would act like naturally if they didn't' feel the need to constrain their personalities to something more socially acceptable.

 

Thank-you.

 

Possibly you're thinking of the "diva"-ness as a mating display, and I'm not sure that's the best way to think of it. Drag queens, etc., aren't, I don't think, getting dressed up mainly as a way to meet men; I think they're getting dressed up as a form of self-expression. It's a sort of "gender as performance" thing that asks questions more than answers them. "This is what you think it means to be female? But, look, I can do it better than most women. So... do you really think you're in a position to be telling me what it means to be male?"

And my impression of most of the female gay icons is that they have a certain give-no-fucks fabulousness to them. They're confident in who they are (or are at least able to fake it), they'll play with gender a little (Liza Minelli's short hair and tuxedo-tops, Cher's deep voice, etc.) but mostly they'll do their own thing, they'll suffer but survive, etc.

I think I share a bit of your confusion about "is that what they think it means to be a woman" when it comes to transgender women, but in those cases I think a lot of what seems like over-performance to me comes from their need to firmly establish a gender that some people are questioning. I know a little transgender girl who was flamboyant as fuck before she formally announced her transition - princess dresses at home, boas and florals and crazy outfits of all sorts at school... and then once she'd announced her transition and was formally acknowledged as a girl, she started wearing jeans and Tshirts like most of the other girls. Once she had the public recognition she no longer needed to prove anything.

 

I'm hetero but have many friends who are gay and that's their choice. I don't see it as a big deal other than a tool to promote divisive rhetoric. Not unlike the way we are being divided every day by other labels. I'll stop my favorite rant here.... divisive labels suck.

 

Kind of pedantic but it really isn't a choice.

 

I consider it personal. Perhaps choice is the wrong word. My apologies if I offended.

 

I'm not sure what you mean when you say it's personal.

 

Personal as in lifestyle, desire or anything else in a person's life. The things that make you... well, you. Not is a judgmental way. Does that make sense?

 

Not really. You associate someone's preferences with choice, kind of implying that they people have some control over them, but the majority of things that make us us we have no control over whatsoever.

 

Personal can mean private or done out of need/desire/reason?
Is that what you mean?

 

Back off @wolfpack.

'I've got lots of friends and some of them are gay, that's their business.'

'You monster.'

 

I'm not offended.

Would it be fair to say you meant "--and that's their business"?

 

Actually it can depend but not in this context. One is born with their own sexual tendency and it is natural.There is no doubt about that.
But there is always a but, some may behave or want to appear to be somebody else because they have a reason we do not know about.
The human mind is very complex and it is always evolving.

 

He's saying he's been in the gay business for many years, and that's his profession going forward. How can it be clearer?

 

Exactly.

 

Haha. It is clearer then clear.

 

Thanks. That all make sense. And yes, the 'divas' all are fairly flamboyant characters (in public, anyway), and none of them are really what you might call 'girly,' are they? They are (or project) supreme confidence and 'don't mess with me.' Lots of talent there as well.

The mating display thing was what was confusing me. But if that's not what it is, then I guess I get it. The stereotyping still bothers me a bit, but less now than when I started contributing to this thread. Thanks again.

 

I've told my girlfriend that ladies have it better than they think they do; they have the best selection of clothes and shoes at the store, society's approval to be as gorgeous and graceful as they want to be etc. I love to see men who are comfortable enough with themselves to look pretty; I don't have a masculine face myself, but it's wildly alluring to see a masculine face in gorgeous make-up; looking both dangerous and beautiful, lol! I may not be gay, but I find it very appealing.

 

i am a paederast because i find myself perfect & am aroused by myself

 

Just so long as you don't keep calling yourself that by the time you hit your twenties, you should be okay.

 

Isn't paedarasty gay male relations between age different indivuals; "a man and a boy"?

 

Exclusively man & boy according to the internet. ‘Catamite’ - is that the same? An Oscar Wilde word...

I used to call everyone a catamite in school essays...English teacher would explain carefully in green ink.

anyway @poster is young fella.

 

I thought ped(æ)arast was the older partner, and catamite was a young male prostitute? Wikipedia thinks I'm close, but it's all still rather too far within the NAMBLA News sphere for my comfort.

 

I don't know, but I laughed.