1. Razvi

    Razvi New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2019
    Messages:
    17
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    Sibiu, Romania

    Avoid using repetitions

    Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by Razvi, Jan 18, 2019.

    How can I avoid using "said" after what the characters in my story finish their line in a dialogue? And also how can I avoid using the character's name over and over again while I narrate or in a dialogue as well? Sometimes it is bothering while I reread if I keep seeing their names all over the place :< I just want to reduce the number of times I use a character's name.

    Thank you in advance! :)
     
  2. surrealscenes

    surrealscenes Senior Member

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2017
    Messages:
    416
    Likes Received:
    309
    Location:
    a room made of impossible angles
    Don't use the names all the time if an ongoing conversation is going on using short sentences. If it is a back and forth the reader should keep up.
    Use another descriptor instead of said. Drawled, grunted, spat, etc.
    Also. if you avoid names then you can avoid said.
     
    Alastair Woodcock and Razvi like this.
  3. Surtsey

    Surtsey Banned

    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2019
    Messages:
    51
    Likes Received:
    24
    The broad answer to your question is 'experience'. If there are only two people in the scene dialogue tags may not be necessary. If you find yourself using too many dialogue tags then your scene is probably static, action tags would mobilise the characters.

    "It's after midnight," said Grandma.
    Grandma bolted the door. "It's after midnight."
    "I -"
    "Don't sass me, boy."
    "But -"
    "You need to get up them stairs before I wake your daddy."
    "I ain't afraid of him no more."
    She opened the pantry. "But you're still afraid of the switch, right?"

    That's not hard to follow.
     
  4. LadyErica

    LadyErica Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2018
    Messages:
    144
    Likes Received:
    216
    I agree with Surtsey. If you want to avoid he said, she said, try to keep the characters active during the conversation. It doesn't have to be a lot going on, but even a small thing like opening a door or looking out the window can break the monotony.
     
    LoaDyron and Razvi like this.
  5. LazyBear

    LazyBear Banned

    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2017
    Messages:
    374
    Likes Received:
    231
    Location:
    Uppsala, Sweden
    Simplest way is to assign one character per scene and pronoun (I, He, She, It), and have a title that's sometimes used with each name. Use both name, title and pronoun. Start a paragraph with names and titles and continue with pronouns inside.

    Then you have said, insisted, assured, claimed, asked, questioned, explained, told, whispered, screamed, sang, warned, informed, adviced, meddled, interrupted, confirmed, noted...
     
    Razvi likes this.
  6. Razvi

    Razvi New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2019
    Messages:
    17
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    Sibiu, Romania
    Thank you!
     
  7. Razvi

    Razvi New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2019
    Messages:
    17
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    Sibiu, Romania
    The example was very helpful, thanks!
     
  8. animagus_kitty

    animagus_kitty Senior Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2017
    Messages:
    281
    Likes Received:
    284
    Location:
    Indianapolis, Indiana
    One thing to note (not that this is necessarily something you've done) is that too much of anything is Bad(tm), and that includes synonyms for said. If you eliminate 'said' and only use synonyms, but every tag is a synonym for said, you're just replacing one feelsbad overused thing for another feelsbad overused thing.
    I do recommend, as Lazybear said, using other words when they're appropriate--just don't forget that 'said' is not a bad word, and sometimes, people just...say things. I don't always insist, or intone, or question, or tell, or whisper or scream or sing. Sometimes, I just say. Variety is, they say, the spice of life, and life can be...overspiced.

    Action tags are your friend, though, that's for damn sure.
     
    LazyBear and Razvi like this.
  9. deadrats

    deadrats Contributor Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 7, 2016
    Messages:
    6,088
    Likes Received:
    7,421
    You really can't overuse said. It's one of those invisible words. Anything you use other than said is going to stand out a lot more. Personally, I would just stick with said.
     
    Razvi likes this.
  10. ChickenFreak

    ChickenFreak Contributor Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2010
    Messages:
    15,262
    Likes Received:
    13,084
    Well, I would agree that the vast (vast vast vast) majority of the time your speech tag should be said.

    But you can overuse speech tags.
     
    Razvi likes this.
  11. silented1

    silented1 Member

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2018
    Messages:
    33
    Likes Received:
    32
    You could try more action in your work! Instead of saying Jim hates the way Ronda talks, say: He grimaces every time she talks like that.
     
    Razvi likes this.
  12. J. J. Wilding

    J. J. Wilding Member

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2018
    Messages:
    76
    Likes Received:
    47
    Location:
    Lincoln, England
    Instead of said all the time, mumbled, whispered, scoffed, etc... work well. I even substitute said for actions such as nodded, shook his head, etc...

    Personally I do use the characters name or common descriptor after each line of dialogue because that's how I like my fantasy and how I enjoy reading dialogue. Do what feels natural at the end of the day, you'll still have an audience who appreciate your style and want to keep supporting you. Hope this helps, happy writing!
     
    Razvi likes this.
  13. Alan Aspie

    Alan Aspie Banned Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2018
    Messages:
    2,641
    Likes Received:
    3,358
    You don't need to avoid it.

    When a reader reads a book he/she skips those "said Alf", "said Bert", "said Cecilia"... things.

    When the blaa-blaa-blaa-blaa ends, our eyes jump to the next line. And so does the mind.

    Try it. Test it. You find that you don't really pay attention to "said X" -things.

    It is bit like having a comma in the end of a sentence. We don't read "plaa-plaa-plaa-comma". We read "plaa-plaa-plaa".
     
    Razvi and deadrats like this.
  14. Rzero

    Rzero Reluctant voice of his generation Contributor

    Joined:
    Oct 29, 2018
    Messages:
    1,742
    Likes Received:
    3,088
    Location:
    Texas
    Agreed, to both. As the person writing the scene, certain things stand out to you that won't to the reader. Examples always make me feel better when I'm worried about things like this myself, so grab a few books off your shelf right now that contains a lot of dialog. Take a look. The phrases "(pronoun) said" and "said (pronoun)" fade into the page almost like punctuation, but they're helpful in following the conversation. A major caveat to this is staccato banter, and other constantly alternating voice conversations, in which case, skip it where you can: "Are you sure?" "I'm sure." "But how?" "I just know. Okay?" Dialog notation would take up half the page and become distracting. Don't overdo it though. We've all read a conversation with no dialog notation and lost track of who said what. It's annoying and pulls you right out of the scene. At the least, mention the speaker in the paragraph by giving them an action, an emotional reaction or almost any mention at all. If only one character is named in a paragraph, even by pronoun, the dialog is assumed to belong to them: I took two glasses down from the cabinet. "Care for a drink?"
    Agreed again. Unless your characters are American dubs of anime characters, they generally won't have enormous, constantly shifting emotional reactions and intonations. I'm providing a link here to 550 alternatives to the word "said." It's a useful tool. Save it right next to your dictionary and thesaurus, but use it as sparingly as possible.
    https://owlcation.com/humanities/400-Alternative-words-for-said

    Another bit of advice given by many pros (even though you didn't ask for it and might not need it), avoid adverbs in dialog tags: he said knowingly, she said sarcastically, etc. This is a rule worth breaking, because sometimes you absolutely need the modifier, but most of the time, it means you don't trust the reader to understand the character or the tone of the scene. When I read this in On Writing by Stephen King, I thought, "He's right. It's the literary equivalent of emoticons." If we can't guess that the character is being sarcastic, then we need more information about the character's general attitude or current state of mind that would lead us to assume that he or she would mean the exact opposite of what they're saying. If it still feels ambiguous, actions can help here too: I rolled my eyes. "Sure, Mom. I'd love to walk the dog."
     
    Razvi likes this.
  15. Razvi

    Razvi New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2019
    Messages:
    17
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    Sibiu, Romania
    Thank you very much, your tip really is helpful! :)
     
  16. animagus_kitty

    animagus_kitty Senior Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2017
    Messages:
    281
    Likes Received:
    284
    Location:
    Indianapolis, Indiana
    My thought on that is that (for example) 'whispered' and 'said quietly' don't mean the same thing. So sometimes, characters whisper, but sometimes, they just say it quietly. Not every 'said' tag needs an adverb--that's absolutely true. If every said has an adverb, it's no better than overusing synonyms for 'said'.
    But, like synonyms, they have their purpose. Just don't overspice your dialogue. 'Said' will do fine for the most of the times you need to use it.
     
    Razvi and Rzero like this.
  17. Rzero

    Rzero Reluctant voice of his generation Contributor

    Joined:
    Oct 29, 2018
    Messages:
    1,742
    Likes Received:
    3,088
    Location:
    Texas
    I consider dialog one of my strengths, but I fret about this stuff too. I think each of these options we've all given requires some degree of moderation. "Said" is better than just fine; it's by far the most natural, and the best option for most authors in most situations, but even it can be overused, just like synonyms, "said" with adverbs, denoting actions or skipping tags entirely. Monotony is the mood killer, but over-diversification can call attention to the language in a negative way. As the great warrior-poet Miyagi once said, "Go, learn balance."
     
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2019
    Razvi likes this.

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice