Mental Health Support Thread (NOT for giving medical advice, or debating)

You're quite welcome, SG. Glad you're feeling better today. Thank you for the kind words.

 

Thanks for explaining the effect of that kind of medication. It makes perfect sense, the way you put it. Brakes, parachute, breaking the loop, allowing stress events to end and not go back into a loop.

 

Depression can loop and spiral downward, as well.

Anxiety can loop and spiral downward as well.

I didn't know about the concept of looping until @SomeGuy recognized that's what my depression and anxiety were doing and urged me to take actions to stop the downward spiral. I think I was probably in a freefall, or at least rapidly heading toward one. The looping had already destroyed a friendship that was important to me, which probably didn't help.

(If I haven't said it lately, thanks, SG.)

So, in addition to the things @Some Guy mentioned above, if you know someone who seems to be caught in a web of negativity or stuck on one subject or becomes really clingy when it's not their usual nature (or, I suppose, conversely, distant, if that's not their usual nature), those are some things that might require further investigation.

 

Yes, I do know one person who is experiencing this loop thing right now. Every time I talk to her, she gets stuck on the same couple of subjects, which are grievances for mainly family things that happened a long time ago. She keeps saying she knows she needs counselling, but she has other very severe health problems which prevent her from being able to make and keep appointments. So that's adding to the loop.

I'm never sure what I should be encouraging her to do. I usually just listen and make encouraging and sympathetic noises. But in the back of my mind, I'm always asking myself if I should be doing something else as well. She is happily married to a lovely man who is trying his best to get her set up with a counsellor, but so far it hasn't actually happened. She remains very very upset about her past life and a bit out of control in the present one. It's hard to know how much of this is down to a depressive mental loop and how much is down to all the medication that she has to take for her conditions. (Fibromyalgia as well as severe diabetes, malfunctioning liver and kidneys, etc.)

I wonder if some of the loop thing could also be aggravated because she's so stuck in the house all the time and she can't get out or do anything much. Even reading isn't something she can do any more, because it hurts her to hold a book or even a Kindle for very long. I just feel so bad for her, but I'm not sure if there is anything sensible I can do to help.

 

Audio books, perhaps?

 

The poor woman. Obviously, I'm not a doctor, but as one who lives with chronic reactivated mono, I'd say it's probably a combination. Fibromyalgia can affect the central nervous system, and I know from my symptom flares that some illnesses can activate the flight or fight system quite strongly. She's dealing with much more severe things than I do, so I imagine her flight or fight is really off the charts. Throw in the side effects of whatever meds she's on, and she's dealing with quite a mix.

I think sometimes it's easy to think something "big" is required to be helpful. It needn't be. I'm a fan of "I don't know what to say or do, but I'm here."

When I first got reactivated mono, I was bedridden for about a year and a half with vertigo, so I can speak to this somewhat. When you have a chronic illness that causes you to be housebound, you lose a lot of friends because you can't take part in the social activities a lot of friendships require. Some of the first friendships to go are the oldest ones because it's so hard for them to see their formerly vibrant friend down and out. Or sometimes the hardcore reality that's hit the friendship circle causes people to distance themselves. Save for a very few, I lost most of my friends and had to start over when my health improved.

And when your activities are limited, you have waaaay too much time to think.

So, just being a stalwart friend counts for a lot, Jann. As we all do when we're going through any rough time, we remember who was there, and who was not, and who disappeared or flaked out on us.

If you want to do more, see if there's a small task or two she needs help with. Having a chronic illness is stressful, and part of the stress, at least for me when I was bedridden, was the thought of all the tasks that were piling up. Or maybe talk to her husband, so see if there's anything.

Don't take on anything you don't want to, and practice self-care, so that you're not taking on extra negative stress. If she's anything like me, she probably wants steadiness (even if that was something she didn't crave before), so don't make promises you can't keep. Nobody needs a superhero flake who gets in over their head.

To that end, if you're feeling overwhelmed and need to take a step back, tell her, with clear, direct communication. Respect her enough as an adult to be able to handle it, rather than doing a disappearing act. When your flight or fight is going off the charts, surprises are particularly unpleasant, and if anxiety and depression are in the mix, it can feel devastating.

Please know by saying this I'm not saying you would do any of these things, Jann. I don't. I'm just speaking from my experience on the other side of the fence and am trying to write this post in a way that may benefit others who may stumble on it as well.

Or perhaps, @jannert, if you're up to it, offer to read to her when you visit. She'll probably decline the offer at first because it feels so silly being read to, but when I was bedridden with vertigo and couldn't read (reading made the room spin), my sister read to me anyway, and it really did help me feel better.

So, no need to be a superhero, Jann. You already are by wishing there was something more you could do.

 

GOOD suggestion! Thanks! I never think of those, but yeah. They're very commonly available these days as well.

 

Thank you for the great ideas. Especially the reading one. That might be a really good thing to do, and it's something we would both enjoy.

Her husband needs support as well ...to the extent that he had a major panic attack a couple of months back, and phoned me in a very distraught state. By the time I got to the house (it's on the other side of town, I had a visitor at MY house when the phone call came through, and I had to get her away, then get a taxi) an ambulance was parked outside. He'd called an ambulance after he called me.

My friend was so heavily medicated at the time that she didn't even know what was going on. Fortunately he was NOT having a heart attack (which he'd feared he was) and the ambulance crew were fantastic. They stayed with us for several hours, phoned his GP to explain the situation and arranged an appointment for the next day for him, and got him calmed completely down.

I stayed till he said it was okay for me to go. Since he knew he was having a panic attack and how to recognise it, he was calm again. But he did recognise the extent the stress of caring for his wife AND working a full-time job (mostly from home) was getting to him.

It wasn't till several days later that my friend phoned me. (We have a pact that I don't phone her, because she is often not capable of having a conversation, so when she wants to talk she phones me.) She was so appalled that so much had been happening and she wasn't aware of any of it. She's making an effort to come off some of the medication, and that's helping him cope.

I met her when we were both in hospital together, in the same room. I was in for a very minor ailment (which resolved itself, no bother), and she was in for a more chronic problem. We hit it off right away (she's the person who 'introduced' me to Terry Pratchett) and remained friends afterwards. However, I never knew her when she wasn't unwell, so this has been a feature of our friendship from day one. I hadn't thought about it, but losing old friends is probably a factor when a person can no longer do things they used to do. That will just compound the despair the person must feel, from time to time.

As for me, I do understand burnout, and try really hard not to set myself up for it. When I'm under stress, like I was last year with my husband's health problems and our major structural issues with our house, I refuse social committments. If I know I'm supposed to get together with somebody—say two weeks down the road—for a dinner out (which I love to do) the event starts to loom large. I start putting other things off till 'afterwards,' etc. And inevitably something else will happen in the meantime that presents a direct conflict, and I'm left juggling two (or more) options for the same day that I need to work around. This just adds to the stress. And by the time the day comes, I REALLY don't want to go to ANY of them.

I'm fine with last-minute invitations (hey, do you want to meet me for dinner tonight?) but if they are for something that is going to happen in the future, I start running away like mad. I don't care if people think this is weird—and they do—but I'm not going to stress myself out unnecessarily.

My idea of wonderfulness is to have a whole week entirely to myself AT HOME—that I know I'm going to get ahead of time—with nobody wanting me to do this or that. No phones ringing, no committments, no visitors. It doesn't happen, but it's a lovely dream! Going away for a short break doesn't produce the same feeling of calm. It's peace and quiet at home that I crave. Ach well. As they say in these parts, I'll get peace when I'm deid!

 

I tried to comfort somebody this morning who was in shock after a car accident. I'm not very good at that sort of thing and now I'm left feeling anxious that I didn't do enough. All I can really offer in that situation is jokes, and I did make her laugh so I suppose I should give myself points for trying.

 

The library may be a good place to look for that sort of thing.

 

If you can make someone laugh in that situation, you are "very good at that sort of thing"! Give yourself some credit! That's fantastic! You're not a medical professional, and it sounds like you did indeed provide comfort. I hope you find comfort in that because there are a lot of people who wouldn't have bothered to stop at all, let alone go the extra mile to try to make the person feel better.

ETA: Someone recently said something to me that was really helpful, which I'll paraphrase here;

The anxiety monster is a lying little shit. Pay no attention to its lies.

 

Haven't posted on here in a while, so I thought I should update. My current statistics are:

• Not eating very well, but I am trying to work on it. Set out a pile of stuff to eat before I go away, and I have actually eaten almost all of it now. I expect to eat it all before I go, as per the plan. Only 2 meals left to have.
• Clearing washing up mountain. This is the smallest it's been in months. (I kinda told myself I need to do it all before I go to Arizona. Weirdly, it seems to have helped me shift it. )
• Poor sleep. Going to bed at all kinds of times, and laying wide awake for at least the first 2 hours. Not even yawning. When I do fall asleep, I awaken easily and/or frequently. I attribute this to having had court upcoming, and my travelling. Both cause/d me anxiety.
• Cleaning in general isn't great. Been a while since the hoover was out, and I need to clean the bathroom. On the plus side, I'm on top of my laundry.
• General mood: lower than my usual, but not too bad. I attribute this mainly to poor sleep, combined with poor eating.
• I have achieved a 35 day streak in my online French lessons. I lowered the daily goal to 10 points, and I've had no trouble reaching that every time.
• Exercise is another battle of late. Since I got my travel pass, I have become more lazy. So I'm trying to get myself walking one way, and bussing the other. That way it's a good balance.

 

Songs of the mental state and what i`m trying to do atm.

I know i`m late but you made an effort and that`s what matters. You helped in the way you were able, not everybody would`ve tried. You did good.

Still in the same submarine as you on the food. Trying to eat more nutritionally, more often (every three hours), less processed food, and just make some dietary changes. Go well for a bit then I peter off or forget to eat, or lose my appetite than get back on then so on. Kinda have a pile of stuff I need to eat up now, need to make a list and plan that out. I`m still making wash mountains but been getting on it enough so there small. Wash mole holes. Maybe having a "do this by this point goal" is helping you keep on it? Might want to try and find another smaller level one to focus on once you get back.

Trying to fix my sleep schedule been using this as a baseline. Sorry, you haven`t been sleeping well hopefully once things calm down for a moment sleep will get better. You actually just reminded me I need to change my laundry thank you.. Hopefully you`r mood does improve once you get you`r sleeping and eating on track. Congrats on the French Madame Muzolia.

Good luck on the walking...may it not be dead.




I`ve been tottering back and forth a bit but it`s been slowly improving and i`ve been pushing through. Noticed something, while knowing myself I do need to plan out and be disciplined and self regulatory with my self I also need to not let my anxiety take that to far and over think, over plan, and work myself up to the point of being anal about minor details. Don`t want to overwhelm myself trying to take it by day by day chunks setting clear and concise goals for both short and long term. Lot of that planning going on tonight. Trying to live a life while creative of better routine and discipline to help deal with my issues. Work on improving my physical health as well as mental while changing my perspective and trying to get better with my relationships with people. Trying to build more confidence and be less of a doormat and just more me. Less of the me I force myself into being more the me I wanna be.

Today`s been a me day, thinking reflecting setting prioritizes. Tomorrows a day to go out into town and such. Should find a therapists number and write it down. Mother still wouldn`t want me going back but I feel I need it. Insurance is not getting cancelled after all spo might as well use. Feel weird making phone calls at all let alone in public but busy week and by the time I get home she`ll probably be home to and you can hear everything from everywhere in this little house. Then meeting with my job couch, lost my heart for the job search getting discouraged but need to figure something out. Gonna do some urban photography for my exhibit at City Hall maybe will be nice to get behind the lens again. If I pop by the comic shop, kinda want to ask a friend there about setting up a DND or other tabletop group. Some routine social interaction may be good and art and geekery s my one real way to connect with people.

Need to get back on my excersior it`s been helping. My bodys just been aching so lately and from shoveling to being pulled by a giant dog, not to mention walking all over town i`m already worn. Maybe work out in the morning but need to perfect my morning routine for that. Been reading a book about exercise hope it`s useful. Been trying to teach myself more now that i`m not as shut down as I was in actual school. Kinda thinking if I can get stable so my mental health isn`t just gonna break again may want to go back to college but that`s a while and much money down the road.

Just gotta build myself up even though I keep ripping myself down.

 

So true!

 

Going through a rough patch lately. My OCD was under control until around this time last year. My mother's death and all that's been happening made it light up like a Christmas tree. I'm waiting for my father to go to sleep now so I go over my entire room with kleenex because he touched a briefcase I consider dirty and didn't wash his hands before coming here.

 

I'm sorry you're going through this and am sending you good vibes. I'm obviously not a doctor, but if it gives you comfort at all, the fact that you recognize what lit it up is probably a good thing, and can

maybe help get it under control again, because you won't have to search for the "why".

There's something about loss (of any kind--death, divorce, breakup, loss of a friendship, job loss, etc.) that seems to awaken a lot of our little monsters. It certainly awakened mine (depression/anxiety).

Hang in there, Kinz. I'm sending you lots and lots of good vibes.

 

Good vibes are appreciated. Today was a light (but tiring) day all things considered and didn`t go quite as expected but one major victory of the day was making the first appointment with a new therapist for Tuesday. Picked him from the insurance list, probably no copay or a ten to fifteen one. Has good credentials (I mean as you should) and while also working with depression and anxiety like most therapists he also specializes in autism spectrum and adhd so that`s good for me.

Bit of his blurb from the site. That was more but this is the bit that made me decide on him.

Spoiler

You may be experiencing a sense of powerlessness or hopelessness. Our job, together, is to find alternative, healthy ways to address these concerns. My goal is not to instruct you but to trust in your innate ability to find the solutions that work for you. Counseling is the process by which we find those solutions-- so you regain power and control in your life.
I specialize in cognitive therapy, reality therapy, marital counseling, conflict resolution and family therapy. I have an abundance of experience working with children and adults with mood disorder, anxiety, anger management, autism, ADHD and other diagnosis. I am also a Licensed Professional Counselor, Behavioral Specialist and a member of the National Board of Certified Counselors.

So here`s hoping that works out. Also visited with my closet (maybe only really close friend) who I haven`t visited with in a while. Talked about things, she`s a great support system even if it is just a system of one and I`m lucky to have her. WE seem to interestingly be in very similar places right now mentally. Not to surprising I suppose as we`ve always been of very similar mind and make up but it`s good that we can support and guide each other like we always do. Was a nice visit and evening.

 

About a month ago I bought a ticket to a concert last weekend and when I woke up on Saturday I was super excited to go. Then, during the day anxiety started to creep in and by evening it was bad enough for me not to leave the house.

I know what I'm supposed to do in that situation and I should've gone to the concert anyway. Not going therefore turned into a 'failure' which ruined much of Sunday.

I hate anxiety more than I hate depression I think, but that might just be because I have the latter under control at the moment.

 

This happens to me a lot as well. Sometimes I get so hyped about doing something...and when the day comes I get cold feet and just feel like staying home and doing nothing. It's so weird. Almost like I'm afraid to enjoy myself or something.

 

Been taking care of my dad after my mother passed. Sometimes, I get very depressed and get behind on laundry and cleaning, but I always make sure he gets his newspaper, lay out his clothes, and help him bath. A few days ago, an issue came up that I thought had been resolved for good. I got a lot of flashbacks to the past where I was dragging my father everywhere trying to get my parents' affairs in order when mom was hospitalized. The thought of going through all of that again made me so anxious I couldn't sleep. I talked to a lawyer but my brain was obviously not functioning, because my siblings said I was confused when I tried to explain the situation. In the end, when I acknowledged my anxiety and asked for their help in resolving the situation, they had the nerve to complain about how they were taking care of my dad and me. One of them said they'd talk to the lawyer. Let's see if anything gets resolved or they're just going to go on with their lives again as long as they're not bothered by it.

 

For me, it helps to take weekends off. I work on my book every day except Saturday and Sunday. This makes Monday-Friday more valuable in terms of productivity, and no matter what kind of book-related stress or anxiety I might be experiencing during those days, I can always remind myself that the weekend is for doing anything but writing!

 

This topic is for talking about dealing with stress with something is not chemical.

"This did help me."
"This did not help me."
"This made things worse."

Sleep, food, walking, friends, peer support, changing things in everyday life, how decisions affect, love, relaxing, sauna, nature, being kind to yourself or someone else... That kind of things.

No drug talk. No alcohol talk. No, no, no.

You can tell what works with you and even why you think it works but remember: this is peer support. Nobody here really knows does something help with someone else.

It can be a huge life threatening stress or small procrastination stress. Just remember that it helps others if you tell what kind of stress you are talking about.

I can start....

 

I have had a stress period for few moths.

I have not been able to do almost any aggressive upper body exercise. (Usually it helps with me.) So I have been walking.

0- 6 000 steps. It does not effect much.
6 000 - 10 000 steps. It starts to help. Just like if walking burned some of stress hormones away.
10 000 - 16 000 It helps a lot. Brain starts itself, but in a lazy and non-functional way.

It feels like 16 000 steps was some kind of magic level. Ability to think comes back. It's disabled, but it still works.

 

I have just signed up to raise money for Pieta House. They are a charity that provides support to people dealing with self harm, suicidal thoughts and bereavement by suicide. This is a cause close to my heart, as I have been there myself many times in the past. Looking forward to doing something active and positive for others who need help.